BAAHAHAHAHHAAA, Dangerosa, you crack me up.
That along with “My child will always be well behaved in public,” “We took some child psychology classes, so we’re prepared for every eventuality.” “I will never yell at/spank my child.”
The first and third statements came out of my mouth pre-children, and the second from a colleague. I couldn’t believe it when I heard him say it. There is no way to be prepared for every eventuality.
Changed my life completely. I am now way more patient then I ever believed I could ever be. I never liked kids until I had my own. I am now the only person who smiles indulgently when the kid cries on the airplane. I am such a nicer person since I had kids. Still a bitch but waaaaaaaay nicer.
I was a volunteer for kids when I married my wife. She has two boys that were 11 and 13 when we were married. The youngest one asked us one day, " when we get married …". Boy was he right.
I agree about changing attitudes towards kids. I find it very easy to look at a bunch of kids and start to yell when they are doing something stupid, (I’m also a scout master in Boy Scouts).
I also watch for things like glasses that will fall off the table and other dumb things.
But I get the joy of watching these boys turning into young men, that is very cool.
Sorry I laughed at Pet Sematary, but in my defense, I was a teenager. A callous, trying-to-grow-up-to-be-a-bad-ass teenager.
One more thing I thought of: I used to gnash my teeth when I heard kids crying or saw them acting up in public. Now I have to restrain myself from going over to help the parents!
My wife and I had a sudden family (three babies in 12 months). My experience suggests that some of the following may happen:
- Your life becomes a lot less about “want to” and a lot more about “have to.” Your chance to tell your boss that he’s a pork-fed tool of capitalism with the social skills of Torquemada and the acumen of Chauncey Gardener – gone. If your garage band makes it big, they’ll do it without you. If you’re not already rich/famous/a star in your chosen field, the odds will dwindle frighteningly. Your sense of worth will have to stop coming from how clever and talented you are and rely instead on how punctual and diligent you are. Your personal field of dreams will be winnowed.
- Your relationship with your SO will change because you have become co-workers. Don’t forget to have sex with your co-worker.
- There is no guarantee that you will become more tolerant of other people and their children. You may find it difficult at times to tolerate your own.
- You may in general become more emotional, or at least less adept at controlling your emotions. This is just the froth of panic and dread that comes from doing something that a) might be the most important thing you’ll ever do; b) you don’t know how to do; c) is really hard; d) you have no way out of short of death or dishonor; e) you’ll never know how it turns out in the end. This is the source, in particular, of much of your anger when the kid won’t meet you halfway by even trying to be perfect.
- You will feel emotions (pride, shame, anger, sadness, joy) on behalf of your children with an intensity that will shock you (and if you aren’t careful, them).
- On the other hand, all your old jokes are now new, your stories are all funny, your counsel wise, your knowledge and judgment infallible. For at least a short time each day you are the most important and best-loved person on the planet, which is more than you hoped for in any of the youthful dreams you left behind.
I’m actually somewhat meaner.
Before I had kids I had a brief stint as a manager - had six or nine networking professionals working for me. Hated it. Hated saying no. Hated explaining to these people that no, I wasn’t going to pay them more, and yes, they could go get another job. Hated explaining to them that they NEEDED to pass certification tests or risk unemployment.
Left that job shortly after the kids came home into non-managment. Recently a management job opened up at work, I halfheartedly applied, and told them to hire one of my peers because, while I could manage and wasn’t too bad at it, I was better - and more importantly - better suited - for other things.
But I did realize that after telling a three year old “no more candy” and being subjected to a forty five minute tantrum, or teaching kids about bedtimes - managing adults would have been MUCH easier than it was the first time around.