How does one foster attraction?

In My Humble Opinion
101

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
Hey, don’t worry. I was completely clueless as well. I was a geek in high school, and couldn’t have bought a date, so when I started getting my act together later in life, I still didn’t believe that someone would find me attractive. Once you start to accept that, then it makes it a lot easier.

[/QUOTE]

I just assume everyone finds me attractive. If they don’t like me, it’s probably because they are either intimidated by my good looks or I said something dumb. It makes it much easier. If you feel that other people (particularly certain women) are somehow better than you, you can’t effectively approach them.

102

[QUOTE=msmith537]
I just assume everyone finds me attractive. If they don’t like me, it’s probably because they are either intimidated by my good looks or I said something dumb. It makes it much easier. If you feel that other people (particularly certain women) are somehow better than you, you can’t effectively approach them.
[/QUOTE]

I’m glad you qualified that statement, otherwise a lot of people could interpret it to be arrogant. It’s not. It’s healthy optimism.

Have you gotten the Jonny CD yet? Do you get the DYD CDs?

103

[QUOTE=tdn]
I’m glad you qualified that statement, otherwise a lot of people could interpret it to be arrogant. It’s not. It’s healthy optimism.
[/QUOTE]

Oh a little arrogance doesn’t hurt either :smiley:

[QUOTE=tdn]

Have you gotten the Jonny CD yet? Do you get the DYD CDs?
[/QUOTE]

:confused:

104

[QUOTE=msmith537]
:confused:
[/QUOTE]

Obviously not.

It’s an audio CD series of interviews with dating gurus. Very interesting insights. The one with a guy name Jonny came in the mail last night.

Even if I learn nothing from them, I still like listening to them. I suspect that half of these guys’ success is that they’re just really interesting conversationalists.

105

[QUOTE=tdn]
Obviously not.

It’s an audio CD series of interviews with dating gurus. Very interesting insights. The one with a guy name Jonny came in the mail last night.

Even if I learn nothing from them, I still like listening to them. I suspect that half of these guys’ success is that they’re just really interesting conversationalists.
[/QUOTE]

I have read some of that Mystery guy’s web site message boards. A lot of what he says rings true and mirrors much of my own experiences with women. For example, it makes for a much more interesting meeting if you can “bounce” with her to a new location. A lot of it has to do with “social proof”, or basically the preception that you are kind of a big deal. Like the simple act of having a wingman in a bar helps out tremendously because you spend less time standing around friendless and unoccupied (which demonstrates lower value).

But basically, it all comes down to social intelligence and comfort. His web site recommends spending four hours, four days a week going to bars and other venues and practice “opening sets” (what you or I would call “striking up a conversation with strangers”). Well, if anyone spent 16 hours a week doing anything, you will get very comfortible with it. And with anything, once you develop a comfort level, you can begin to analyze what works for you and what doesn’t. Dumb scripts and pickup lines help I guess so that you aren’t left stuck with nothing to say, but ultimately you want to develop real interest and that needs to come from you.

106

**How does one foster attraction? **

Ask yourself, “would you fuck you”. If not, then work on that.

107

[QUOTE=Sitnam]
**How does one foster attraction? **

Ask yourself, “would you fuck you”. If not, then work on that.
[/QUOTE]

Sex change operation, comin’ right up!

My theory is that they build confidence. You can tell that it’s working, you’re actually talking to someone, and they’re into the conversation…makes it much easier to continue when you run out of pre-planned material.

108

This thread cracks me up. Does anyone else feel like they live in a wholly different world from some of these people? All this talk of “gambits” and “players” sounds like something out of a bad movie or a middle school social revelation. I think there’s a vast difference between being sensitive to social cues (good) and tailoring your actions to some perceived “romance game” (bad). It actually strikes me as just rather sad-- the short-term goal of bagging a temporary fuck may succeed, but such machinations only devalue both parties. There are much socially healthier ways even of having a one-night-stand.

I’m surprised (or not surprised) that so many other men consider having friendships with women a mere obstacle towards some Ultimate Goal of getting the most ass. I have had many close and important platonic friendships with women and while I don’t spend every night waking up in a new bed I’ve enjoyed plenty of fulfilling or just fun sexual relationships. I guess the kind of woman I look for is one who won’t snub me because I don’t have only male friends.

If you cultivate in yourself the qualities you value, you will attract people who value the same.

109

[QUOTE=Lama Pacos]
This thread cracks me up. Does anyone else feel like they live in a wholly different world from some of these people?
[/QUOTE]
Why, do you expect everyone else to have the same views on relationships as you? I’ve enjoyed reading a lot of different opinions in this thread. (Read it for the first time tonight finally, don’t EVER participate in an SDMB game thread if you want the time to read threads longer than one page)

First of all, tdn, you are trying to get** Auto ** laid way too hard. Is there a bet going on here or something?

TP, as always you have wonderful advice on relationships, the only thing I’d like to add is that you are probably speaking too elegantly than you probably should. Some of the advice you give feels like it exists in a vacuum where both sexes are always honest with each other in this cat & mouse game. In my experience things are always more messy than that.

No one seems to disagree with Brandon’s advice, and I cannot disagree with that.

threnodyangelfire:* Don’t show hopeless obsessive desperation to find a mate. *
Yup, I’ve done that.

threnodyangelfire:Don’t issue conditions.
Yup, I’ve done that.

threnodyangelfire: Don’t overanalyse everything.
Yup, I’ve done that.

I could go into examples, but my pride wouldn’t wistand the embarrassment of some of the things I have done. :smack:

Joeski, I’m sorry that you haven’t had much luck with relationships. The line “But even if a girl is throwing herself at you, you still need to know how to catch.” Was a good one. This thread was about fostering attraction, not starting/engaging in relationships. that thread will be next months topic.

Also you said that you don’t equate cocky funny with genuine conflict and clashing when the example of teasing the girl in the restaraunt was brought up. And I can’t agree more, I get it, I really do. It’s one thing to use schoolyard tactics and teasing to flirt, it is quite another to invoke strong negative feelings which can break out into all sorts of different passion, both the nice version and the violent. The strongest feelings I have ever experienced were when love and hate spun madly around one another dangerously close. They are not inverse emotions.
But now I’m getting too personal I’ll finish with this.

**tdn ** has a train set. :stuck_out_tongue: