The Staff Report: How does the Queen answer the phone? - The Straight Dope
The GQ thread that inspired it (discussion of the Staff Report begins at post 77): http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=515170&highlight=queen+phone
And it looks like the Royal Family has again fallen prey to a phone prank: http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/05/world/europe/uk-royal-prank-call/index.html?hpt=hp_t3
Apparently she does have a cell phone, Wii, and iPod. I don’t know why, but I find that very comical.
Call my wife to find out
“Sorry, I’m in the loo, about to flush, I’ll ring you back in a minit.”
[QUOTE=Her Majesty The Queen]
Oy! Dis is Liz! Ooo’s dat?
[/QUOTE]
would be my first guess. 
Hello?
In a soaring, cheerful tone:
“The Mountbatten-WINDsor residence. The lady of the house speaking…”
But they are not amused, I should imagine.
Well, one of them, anyway.
[Robin Williams/Jon Stewart falsetto]
Hel-OOOOOOO!
[/RW/JSf]
just like everyone else; one ear at a time.
Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas Queen, Defender of the Faith speaking. How may I help you?
Not “Mountbatten-Windsor”; that’s the name reserved for her descendants who are not “Majesties” or “Royal Highnesses”. Technically, she has no last name at all, though she could be called, at need, “Great Britain and Northern Ireland”, I suppose. But it’s rather overloaded.
When visiting Canada, she could just say “Canada here”.
I wonder if she says “goodbye” before she hangs up.
Yes, that is my understanding.
“Why yes, we do have Prince Albert in the can.”
(Old obsolete joke)
I just hope she’s not too busy to set up her voicemail. I hate reaching generic voicemails.
Elizabeth R?
Yes, it is we.