How fast would you move in with someone?

It seems to me that gay boys move in together far too fast - a few weeks, and they’re shacked up. Of course, they nearly always don’t last, and get stuck with a messy divorce that never should have happened in the first place.

I dated Dr. Boyfriend for a year and a half and we never even toyed with the idea of moving in together (of course, moving to San Diego put the kabosh on that in the end, but no matter). Yet someone asked me if the person I’ve been casually (and I do mean casually) seeing for the past few weeks has moved in with me yet. WTF? A few weeks? Casually dating? And you’re asking if we’re living together?

So, what is it? A month? Six months? A year? When engagement and/or long-term commitment is discussed? When lifetime commitment is discussed? After the wedding? This applies to straight couples as well as same-sex.

On the flip side, I see a lot of long-term gay couples that move in together, make the plan for the lifetime together, and then after 10, 12, 15 years they break up, but instead of moving out and moving on with their lives, they stay living together without being lovers, and allow their lives to remain intertwined. Oddly, this works in the vast majority of cases that I’ve personally witnessed. Does this happen with lesbian couples? With straight couples? When you finally give in to the ennui and give up being romantically involved, is staying together for the sake of the house all that common?

Esprix

I moved in with my wife in less than a week. Well, we may have known each other longer than a week, I first met her at her apartment before going to a club with some friends, the second time I met her was a few days later at our common friend’s parent’s house on Easter, she invited me to come over after work the next Monday, I stayed the night, stayed Tuesday, spent Wednesday back at my apartment, came back on Thursday with clothes and we’ve been together ever since.

I waited a couple of weeks to propose, though. 8^)

Of course, we’ve only been together for a little over a year now, so I guess we haven’t passed the test of time yet…but I don’t think the time you wait before moving in matters directly in any kind of relationship - the key advantage of waiting a while is to get to know the person and make sure that you will be happy with them for something more permanent, but if that only matters in cases where it wouldn’t have worked out. If the two aren’t compatible, they are going to break up eventually whether they got together in a week or if they waited a year, but if you ARE compatible I don’t think it helps things to put it off.

Up to the people involved.
Personally it would take more than a few weeks of casually dating for me to move in with someone. (To date it’s taking four years of fairly serious dating for me to move in with someone.)

But if they are happy, they are happy.

My ex moved in with me the day after we met. Feynn moved in with me before our first date. My marriage made it 6 years, and Feynn and I have been together for 5 1/2 and still happy.

Staying together for the sake of the house? I didn’t try it, but I hear that Andrew and Fergie are happy with their arrangement.

My fiance and I are kinda half and half; we both have our own apartments, but we alternate spending the night at each one (we both have cats that we can’t ignore, too). We decided not to move in together until we are married, a decision prompted by both of us having badly failed relationships from our younger days where we jumped into living together too soon (within weeks in both cases).

My fiance and I were roommates in college (before we were dating)…moved into together post-graduation…and were engaged on New Year’s Eve.

So, the uncomfortable answer to this question, is that we were living together even before we started dating. Makes a girl sound easy, doesn’t it? :stuck_out_tongue:

There is no set time as to when the “move-in” should take place, obviously. I say move in when you feel ready and are beyond doubting (or at least rationalizing to the best of your ability. haha).
Time has noting to do with it. Move in when you are in love.

That and after you have both signed your version of a pre-nup…

There is no set time as to when the “move-in” should take place, obviously. I say move in when you feel ready and are beyond doubting (or at least rationalizing to the best of your ability. haha).
Time has noting to do with it. Move in when you are in love.

That and after you have both signed your version of a pre-nup…

Me, I’m old fashioned. I wouldn’t move in with anyone before marrying him. I can’t picture marrying someone I’d know for less than 18 months, though, and that’s the bare minimum.

Since you don’t have the right to marriage in many places (yet) I’d say you’d have to go with your gut- move in when you feel that you truely love him and know him well enough to be comfortable. Could be six months, could be five years, depends all on how you feel. Such helpful advice, I’m sure :slight_smile:

Well, I met Jaime OL in April of 98, and on October 30, of the same year, he moved in with me. We’ve been together every since.
I guess it’s just when you feel ready to do it.

I too agree it is a matter of personal preference. My husband and I moved in together after knowing each other for two months. But we didn’t make whoopee for another 3 months after that. I know, especially for gay couples, that was wierd, but what can I say :slight_smile: BTW, we have been together for 2 years 3 months now.
Jeeves