LOL @ Annie’s quote! 
I miss George already, and would always wait with great expectations for his new HBO specials.
Remember these, Annie?
George Carlin: "Then there’s things you say when a fart is farted. Like in the Army: ‘Captain who?’
or
‘Catch that and paint it green!’
or
‘Jesus, Marge! Anybody can fart, but you could knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon!’"
Quasi
In my ER, the nurses know when I pass through the charting counter and mutter, “fire in the hole”, they have about 2 seconds to get away. 
I love the comments I get (“AWWWWW, JESUS, Bill! What crawled up inside you and died!!!”).
Now see, I don’t understand that attitude. We treat patients all night long and they fart and don’t give a warning, and no one even cracks a smile!
At least I give 'em the courtesy of a 2 second warning, but I get all this grief! 
Ummm, it just occured to me that I have the most posts on the subject in this thread. What does that say about us, Precious, we wonders? Yes, we wonders?
Q
4.5, almost always amusing, sometimes hilarious.
It says you and I would likely get along quite well.
Of course, I have no sense of smell.
Unless they’re mine, right?
On a scale of 1-5, I’d have to say 17, maybe 18.
I never knew that sheet over the head maneuver had a name - cute!
I have also heard of one called “crop dusting”, which I assume is farting while walking?
Q
Once a buddy and I were at Wal-Mart looking to pick up a board game and we were in the same isle with a small toddler aged child, just a tiny little boy. Just as his mother came back around to the end of the isle from wherever she was this kid let one go that would have been impressive coming from a horse. Just as loud and powerful as one can get. His mother looked back at him and said “nice one you little sicko” but in a kind and humorous way.
I do believe that my buddy and I needed to be wheeled out of the store on shopping carts we were laughing so hard.
This will not stand! I will hereby make it my life’s work to post more than **Quasimodem **in this thread!
I had a boss a few years back with absolutely no redeeming qualities. One day, he came in to the paint shop to bitch about some stupid, irrelevant crap, as always. He was in mid rant when he suddenly looked confused (well, more confused than usual), as though he had lost his train of thought. He abruptly stopped talking and walked out of the room. A few seconds later, my partner and I smelled the rancid fart bomb he had dropped on us. Ewwwwww! For fuck’s sake, Bill, you bastard! And then a few minutes later, when the stench had finally gone away, ol’ Bill comes back in and starts ranting right where he left off. What a dickhead.
Another George Carlin fart quote: “It’s not the smell, it’s the burning of my eyes!”
Fart jokes = bad.
In real-life scenarios, farts can be very funny and awkward.
Hear hear. I find the concept of farting, or references to farting - farting in the abstract, if you will - frequently amusing. The closer fart gags get to realism, however, the more they are just gaseous waste product, like the real thing.
This, however, is hella funny.
Yup, this.
I used to have a dog that was scared of his own farts. Whenever he’d cut an audible one, he’d shoot an alarmed look at his own ass and trot quickly from the room. How could that not be funny?
Pull my finger, Terrance! :farrrrrrrrrt: Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
My wife does a really good impersonation of the Terrance and Phillip laugh.
Maybe truly appreciating the awesome humour of farts is a Canadian thing…
Zero and Five - it’s all about the timing.
Farting in a meeting is usually just embarassing.
Farting when Bear In The Big Blue House comes on TV and says “what’s that smell?” at just the wrong moment? Hysterical.
Having farted in the car on the way home from work, then the family having to go out to the car to go somewhere, and wrinkle their noses and saw “ewwww!”, and saying “I’m sorry!” and having one’s wife say “not half as sorry as we are!”… funny!
“How funny I find farts by location. School’s pretty funny, church is funnier. My face isn’t funny at all. That’s negative. My brother’s face is off the charts, though. SCUBA, I’m not sure. It depends—if you could see the bubbles come out of the wetsuit that’s pretty funny.”
Yes, but Dread Pirate Jimbo has a magnetic ribbon on his car that says, “Support Farting.” Can you say that?
ETA: Plus he probably farted every time he posted here.
It’s true! I do!
Sometimes more than once per post.
After an all nighter drinking some cheap ass beer I let one silent yet deadly fart go in the office. Somebody piped up “Jesus, who the fuck just died?” I couldn’t even take credit for that one, the fumes were that bad. But it was still kind of funny.
George Carlin: Ever notice that your own farts smell okay? “Say… My God, that’s fairly decent!”
I learned from a friend the secret to making your farts as horrifically smelly as possible. Eat a high protein meal, preferrably with some strong, hot spices, then quickly chase it with something very high in sugar, like ice cream or chocolate cake. Because the sugars break down much more quickly than the proteins, it puts pressure on your digestive tract from things digesting in the wrong order, resulting in wickedly noxious gas. IANAD, so I can’t swear to the legitimacy of the science, but it works like a sonofabitch. If you’re looking to empty a room, this does a great job.
About a 1.
Children, please.
Flatulent jokes and scatological humor have got to be the lowest form of comedy
Butt…
In my days in the Navy Reserves we would always muster up in formation before being dismissed. At such time, our commanding officer would pass on any late-breaking announcements and then send us on our way.
Well this one time, he asked the unit: “Anyone have anything else to add?”
From somewhere within the unit came: “Fluuuurrrpp” –timed exquisitely.
Even the stone-faced CO broke up with that one.