How hard can it be to simply use a telephone? I have noticed there are some people who are notoriously bad about just answering their phone, and the ones who have this disorder also are alot more likely to not have the courtesy to return a call or shoot a quick text over to at least acknowledge having received a text.
I know most people are pretty busy, but I’ve noticed this isn’t usually the reason, for example one guy I know who isn’t working at the time being only answers his phone maybe 1 in ten times. He does this with everyone, if he actually answers his phone it must be your lucky day.
A relative of mine does this too…if he actually picks up when you call, you feel like you won the lottery. Same goes for him bothering to acknowledge messages left. Your left wondering most of the time “did he get the text I sent?” Or " did he get my call"? Your never certain whether he did or not.
This is a rant but also a question…what is it with people who seem to have a cellphone defective gene, or some type of policy against using them(answering, checking messages, returning calls or texts
One of these people isn’t working right now, so being too busy is not a factor. And really, being busy is just not a factor for the other person too…because there are lunch breaks, time after work, weekends etc. Even busy brain surgeons find time to return and take calls.
If I were to play armchair psychologist, I would guess these people are doing it to refuse to answer to anyone, a passive aggressive move similar to people who refuse to ever show up on time. I knew a woman like that and she would consistently no matter what or who she was meeting for, she would always show up at least 20 minutes, but up to an hour late, and her reasn was always a vague “I lost track of time” or “I was running late”…same thing with my relative, when people ask him why he simply won’t pick up his damm phone he gives a canned answer “I answer when I can, but I’m busy”
I don’t think it is passive aggressive - at least not for those I am familiar. I think it is more irrational fear of possibly dealing with info they don’t want to hear. They tend not to answer all/most calls - as it generalizes to this.
Maybe they just don’t feel like communicating. I’ve noticed that people are much more demanding of each others’ time and attention now that everyone is expected to have a cellphone; there seems to be a growing expectation that calls and texts should be answered immediately and at any time of the day.
Maybe your relative’s honest answer might be, “I answer when I feel like talking, but I don’t always feel obliged to talk to you.”
I am phone-averse and always have been, even when I was a kid.
When people ring me at work, I let the voice mail pick it up. I’ll listen to their message, digest whatever question they are asking, and then return the call. I do this because I’m more likely to come up with the “right” answer when I’ve had time to think and formulate my response. I sound like an idiot otherwise. No one likes to sound like an idiot. If it’s an emergency, just say so and I’ll call back right away.
For social stuff, very often I am not in the mood to chit-chat. I’d rather call someone back when I feel more sociable than come up with an excuse for why I can’t talk.
I have become more responsive to phone calls than I used to be. For a long time, I never returned phone calls and I was not very sympathetic to the resulting frustration. But now I’m better. And people who know me well also know how I roll and don’t take it personally when I don’t pick up after the first ring.
My brother-in-law does this, with phone, texts, emails, facebook messages/wall posts, everything. He’s not too busy, he’s not an asshole, he’s just a dipshit.
If I don’t want to interrupt what I’m doing, or if I just don’t feel like talking, I just ignore it. I’m sure lots of people do. I can’t stand talking on the phone, anyway.
i totally as an introvert myself, understand and agree that we shouldn’t feel like we have to answer our phones immediately, as you stated above.
There are plenty of times I dont answer my phone immediately or call someone right back…
but what Im referring to is days and even weeks of not answering or returning messages. Example, last Friday I left a message for this person, by Sunday I still hadnt gotten so much as a basic text to acknowledge they had gotten my message…I was left wondering “did they get message” so, late Sunday I shot over a brief text, not accusatory, just a friendly “hey, hope your doing ok, I wasnt sure if you got my message…” (then briefly summarized what my message had been.
By Wednesday three days later, still no word, are they even alive?
I left one voicemail, again, non accusatory, non angry message, pointing out i left this message and appreciate a call back soon. Now its Friday night, still no word.
this is not just to me, Ive heard others bemoan how “difficult” it is to get a call back from him
This has been an ongoing thing for the past few years. But nobody calls him on it, they kind of just lamely accept his generic reason of being ‘busy’
The same concept applies to other similar areas…like I said those who are perpetually late to any meeting, event, etc. and just give a canned one size fits all excuse “I tend to run late”
hey, maybe I should find a handy canned excuse for some lame behavior. I guess the key is to make it really generic, that way, you can squeeze any poor or lame behavior under it
I’m good about callbacks but I’m bad about answering and I’ll tell you why: my phone isn’t there to put me at everyone’s beck and call. That means that if I’m doing something - anything - no matter how insignificant others may find the activity, I’m not returning your call until I hit a stopping point. When I finish my workout, my run, my chapter, my bowel movement, whatever - I’ll get back to you. I’m amazed how many people are upset that I don’t drop everything to respond immediately - they actually seem more upset that I call back quickly; I should either pick-up or blow them off for a day. Most likely because by the time I call back, I’m interrupting them at something, which is much worse than them interrupting me, obviously.
I got so fed up with people prioritizing their cellphone over whatever is going on in person years ago, so I stopped being tied to my phone. I will return a call or text as soon as I see it, but I’m not a parent or a surgeon so don’t need to be on call 24/7. I never thought of it as passive aggressive, just hate the phone and am usually in the middle of something.
So you have alot of consideration for others then, because although you may not pick up the first time, after you listen to their message, you end up returning their call in a thoughtful manner…
I wouldnt be complaining if it was just a matter of they like to wait a day or so to return a call. But like i said its alot worse than that, they will sometimes take days at a time or even weeks to return the call, and oftentimes they just dont return it at all.
When asked by others “what happened? I left you a couple messages three weeks ago, and you never returned my call” they just act dumb and say “Im busy”
But there are some people who are very busy and find 60 seconds to return a call. Its imo very much a power play, akin to always keeping someone waiting with the excuse “I tend to run late” well, your an adult, adjust your clock then, so others dont have to sit for 45 minutes waiting for you
it sounds like alot of people above are saying they dont want to feel tied to their cellphone, so they may not pick up when people call BUT they DO return the calls in a timely manner. This is totally understandable but…
this is not what im referring to. Im referring to those who just flat as a power play dont return messages, at least not for a long stretch of time (5 days to three weeks or longer)
I had a friend who never answered her phone, and when I say never, I mean never. I solved the problem by not calling her anymore. Much aggravation avoided.
Sometimes I don’t call back because I don’t see a need to do so. Some people feel that they must share something with me…that they bought a new widget, that they went to a movie, whatever. Am I supposed to drop everything and reply “Message received, thank you for the update”? There frequently is no logical reply, just a social reply. Basically, I feel that the OP is placing a relatively high value on the info s/he is sharing, while the recipients place low value or no value on that information.
Now, if it’s work related, or if it’s personal info that needs some action taken, that’s different. But there are some people (and the OP might or might not be one of them) who will fill all available time with constant information sharing, whether it’s interesting to the other person or not.
Personally, I need some time when I’m not distracted to simply think about things.
You might want to consider that perhaps the recipient doesn’t want to chitchat as much as you do, and scale back your communications with him/her.
I’m afraid I’m with Miss Manners on this one, as she always advises “stop being friends with people that are rude to you.” I don’t stay friends with someone that doesn’t return my calls or shows up late all the time.
I hate talking on cell phones. I consider them torture to use and have been trying to start an urban legend that cell phone use secretly implants the mark of the beast on people’s hands and foreheads. (It’s a pipe dream, but we all have our comforting dreams.) Anyone who has spent more than 15 minutes around me knows this and the feature on my cell phone that handles messages plays a record of my voice informing people not to leave messages on that number because they will not be answered.
Why do you see it as a power play? It depends on the message.
If you’re leaving messages for someone who doesn’t return your calls and then blows you off, maybe they just don’t want to talk to you. And maybe they’re on a message board somewhere asking “Why can’t some people take a hint?” It’s not passive-aggressive so much as it’s chickenshit, but some people don’t like confrontation.
I never answer the phone. I don’t want to talk so I don’t answer. I plan on calling back or returning messages (usually, depending on who it is) but my intentions soon drift from my attention-span and they’re lost for good. So I inadvertently give many people the impression that I am avoiding them in particular; when it’s not them, it’s just talking-on-the-phone that I’m avoiding. And I’m avoiding that with everyone.
