Twice today I’ve called people who were really too busy at the moment to talk for more than 20 seconds or so.
I know how to leave a message; if it’s important I’ll take advantage of that skill, and if not I’ll assume you’re busy because you didn’t pick up.
Now I’m rushed and feeling guilty for interrupting your busy day with something that could certainly have waited an hour until you listened to your message or called me back. Don’t stress us both out by picking up the phone when you can’t talk!
Preach it. I tried calling a co-worker/friend and get “I’m going to have to call you back, I have someone on the other line”. Friggin don’t pick up then!!
I’m guilty of this. But I do it because while I do want to talk to that person, I just can’t right then. I’ve never thought of it from the angle you two are coming from…
Part of it is my own neurosis–I have phonephobia and it takes a lot for me to call someone. I have to get over the fear of “bothering” them. Then I end up interrupting what they’re up to, through no fault of my own, but still.
I see where you’re coming from. Do your friends know you have this issue? They could be answering in support of you, while inadvertently making it worse!! :smack:
Maybe they think you are calling with something more urgent than the current conversation they are having. So they want to check, and not make you leave a message. My sister does this when I call, especially during the daytime when I usually don’t call to chat. We have had our share of family emergencies that need rapid responses.
They think it might be a quick question with a quick answer and they don’t want you to have to wait for a call back.
They think that you might feel that you are being ignored, or are unimportant to them if they let your call go to voicemail
I like to call cell phones because I know they can see it’s me and chances are they (and not someone else, I mean) will answer. I feel seriously betrayed when someone else answers a friend’s cell phone!!
I was recently part of an event-planning, where any call I made to people in that group was to ask something important, relay something crucial or to possibly spend a few minutes going over something. I was fully prepared in what I had to say, either while talking to them or leaving a message.
Those who picked up but couldn’t talk right now threw me for a loop and upset my whole progression of phone calls, which was built around a conversation or leaving a voicemail.
It got even worse when one of the group got sick; she kept leaving me messages, saying she was turning off her cell phone so she could get some rest, but kept picking up when I called back (intending to leave a message) to say I was keeping her awake!
Someone that I knew was calling for business, like 5-4 Fighting, and I didn’t have time, I wouldn’t answer. I’d just figure you can leave a message. The person who claimed you kept waking them up sounds passive-aggressive to me. Or has the martyr thing going on.
I just thought of something. A lot of people seem to think that when the phone rings, it Must. Be. Answered; basically, a pavlovian response. If the phone rings when my mom is in the shower, she’ll jump out, run to the phone all out of breath and dripping on the carpet. Me? If the phone’s not close enough for me to reach, and I don’t feel like moving? They can leave a message.
But if I’m on the other line, and my friend calls through, I’ll click over, tell her I can’t talk, and will call her back in XX amount of time. It’s also not uncommon at work to see it’s my boss calling and I answer with “gimme three minutes and I’ll call you back.” His response? “Ok.” Click.
It has honestly never occurred to me that this could be considered an issue!
First thing I thought of is the phone at the office here. We’re required to answer the phone when it rings, even if we’re talking to someone at the desk. Mind you, we have to gracefully do this, not just snatch the phone and say “Customer Service, Raguleader Speaking, how may I help you?” while the other person is in the middle of talking.
Now, with a cell phone, if I can’t talk, I typically silence or turn off the phone. If I have it on and can’t talk, I’ll pick it up, say “Sorry, can’t talk right now” and hang up.
It’s an unusually blunt way to dismiss my mom, but she understands and does the same thing to me. Oddly enough, almost nobody else calls me when I’m in such a situation. She just has that kind of timing.
Hey, some of us have family with really fragile health. I am NOT missing a call that one of my grandfathers or my daddy has collapsed, so I interrupt pretty much everything to answer the land line or the phone at work. I’d rather make some special snowflake feel rushed and unhappy than miss saying goodbye by five minutes because I let that call go to voicemail.
Ugh, I got chastised today by my family for not answering my phone. I was driving in stop and go traffic and wanted to focus on driving (I know, what a novel concept, right?), so I turned the ringer off on my cell phone. My sister kept calling and was rather annoyed that I wouldn’t answer.
Did you tell them you weren’t interested in risking death just to hear her talk?
I don’t answer phones that often, either. If somebody really needs to talk to me, they’ll call back pretty quickly. If the same person has called twice in a really short period of time, then I’ll answer. Still, it usually turns out to be my mom getting worried about me for no reason.
Then again, I make it a point to tell my friends that if you really want to talk to me, IM me. I’m almost always online, and appreciate having the extra amount of time to think what I’m going to say.
One day I had to call a public school teacher. A teacher who had a phone in her classroom. Yeah, real progressive education idea, right? I mean, isn’t it fucking important that a teacher have a phone in their classroom??? omfg!!! What’s the downside? (for those of you who don’t like the sarcasm, my dear spouse was a career public school teacher. Never fucking needed/wanted/ occurred to any of them that it would benefit them to have a phone in the classroom. Yeah, yeah, emergencies, extenuating circumstances, blah blah blah – I get it. Nevertheless, teachers got along for centuries without them… I’m digressing)
So I call this teacher for a professional purpose. I call the office, asking for the teacher, expecting to either leave a message or be transferred to voicemail. They transfer me to the phone in the classroom.
Teacher: “Hello”
Me: "Hi, X, my name is drpepper and I’m calling in reference to a student of yours, blah, blah… [I leave polite pause for her to respond ].
Teacher: “Yeah, I’m right in the middle of changing classes right now, and can’t really talk…”
I just don’t understand this at all. I mean, there are at least three different protocols that can EASILY avoid this situation:
have a policy with the office NOT to transfer calls unless it’s an emergency directly related to the student.
Have a policy with the office not to transfer calls to room at all if it’s during school hours.
Have a policy to let all classroom calls during school hours go directly to voicemail
Etc.
These are degreed professionals. Learn how to use the fucking phone properly, for God’s sake, it’s not that hard.
(Can you tell this sort of incompetence grates on me?)
Sigh. Has it been so long since the pre-caller ID, pre-voicemail days?
I don’t always look at my caller ID, especially if I don’t have my glasses on. And I hate checking my voicemail more than once in a great while. Back when I started using a phone, and at my work, I am trained to answer before the fourth ring. So I answer most calls on the home phone (when I’m home). I answer because it might be an emergency, or something quick and urgent. But if I’m busy, and you are calling just to talk, I may let you know this isn’t a good time. It truly takes me less time to answer than to check the voicemail if there are more than 2 messages ahead of yours that I will have to wade through. I’m sorry if you are offended.
On the other side of this:
I got a call at work a couple of weeks ago from my parents. I was on a break, which is how I knew my phone was being called (it was on silent, but sitting in front of me to be used as a clock).
At any rate, while I was not supposed to talk on the phone while at work, it’s ok on break.
Dad didn’t want to tell me what he was calling to tell me–he just wanted to tell me to call them when I got off work.
I did NOT want to wait two hours to hear whatever bad news they were going to impart, so I told him to just tell me.
My grandmother had passed away–which was a shock, but otherwise as low on the trauma scale as one could get for a grandparent passing.
It’s not that she wasn’t beloved, it’s just that due to age and senility, the Grandma I loved was lost to us in bits and pieces several years ago.
So I’m not the only one? Whew. Seriously, I thought it was just me with this almost crippling fear of bothering people when I call them. I don’t know how it started, but it’s been a real issue for several years now. I really appreciate being able to text or email someone instead. They’ll read my message when it’s convenient for them.
You guys are freakin’ tense. Let me get this straight, you guys get upset when you call a busy person and they can’t magically tell by the way their phone is ringing how urgent (or not urgent) your call is and actually have the nerve to answer the phone to talk to you to assess the urgency? You guys get upset when their phone doesn’t magically tell them that you want to talk for a few minutes rather than needing a quick answer, when they are conversing with someone else, and they actually answer to assess if they can help you quickly and give you the info that you need?
I get calls all day- work, family, and friends. Some are urgent that need an immediate response or even action, some can wait till later. Some require lengthy discussion, and some require a simple one word answer. I can’t tell when the phone is ringing which one it is, so give me a chance, I am trying to do my job/be a good friend/be a good family man the best I can!
When I stopped at a rest stop, I called my sister to let her know where I was and why I hadn’t been answering my phone. She was still pretty frustrated.
I like to call cell phones because I know they can see it’s me and chances are they (and not someone else, I mean) will answer. I feel seriously betrayed when someone else answers a friend’s cell phone!! 