Unlike many Dopers (at least from what I’ve observed in answering machine/voice mail threads), I enjoy talking on the phone. What I do not enjoy, and find difficult, is calling people. I can make business or other non-personal calls easily. Calling friends or acquaintances has always been hard for me to do. Even if the person makes it clear that they’d like to hear from me, I shy away from calling because I don’t want to bother them. Naturally, friends tease me about this; at a wedding I went to a few months ago, where I became friendly with one of the groomsmen, some of the other members of the wedding party warned him not to give me his phone number, because I wouldn’t call him.
Yeah, my best friend and I just had a huge fall out over this a few weeks ago. She thought I was ignoring her but I just didn’t want to bother her because I knew how busy she was. I figured she will call me when she had a moment. She saw it as me not wanting to talk to her. After we got it straightened out she thought I was nuts.
My husband and I both have “phone phobias”. His is even worse than mine. He has to go into another room to order a pizza. The only people we call are immediate family.
I love email because you can get updates from friends and not have marathon phone calls. I had one friend who loves to talk on the phone and we once had a 4 hour phone call. I called her in NC from NY. Yikes. I’ve since lost touch with this person.
I guess that’s why my husband and I are each other’s best friends. We’re both loners and only socialize with family, which is just fine with us. I see a couple of high school friends about twice a year, but we never talk on the phone.
Yeah, I feel that way too. They could be in the middle of who knows what when I try to call them, and they have to drop whatever they’re in the middle of to answer the phone—what I have to say to them had better be worth it!
I wish that, when you called somebody, you had the choice of two or more different ring tones, one that tells the callee “This is fairly urgent; please answer” and the other that means “I didn’t want anything important, so only answer if you’re not busy.”
Well, I don’t find it quite as bad as you do, but I don’t normally like to.
I have a thing where I leave the room whenever I’m on the phone. Feels weird to be around other people while on the phone for some reason. I mean, I don’t HAVE to be alone, but I prefer it.
Yeah, I don’t call people on the phone, even if they’ve asked me to or I know it would be a good idea. I’ve killed friendships because of it too; one of my friends has a daughter who had to have surgery and I wanted to call her and check up on her but I was too afraid she’d be mad at me for calling without asking first. I was accused of not caring. It’s a good thing I apparently don’t have any emotions, because otherwise I’d be pretty upset about it! (Actually, I am.)
I also very rarely call for appointments or food because I’m worried about disrupting the routine of the receptionist, even though it is their job to take calls. I’ve got no problem with actually going in and making an appointment, I just can’t call.
Yeah, I do this too. Actually, I leave the house, since I like spending time on the porch. I also have to leave the room whenever someone else is talking on the phone because I feel like I’m in the way.
More than slight phone paranoia here, too, although it’s the opposite of the OP. I have no problem calling close friends and my immediate family, but talking to strangers over the phone gives me the heebie-jeebies. In high school, I had to call a dean to get an excuse for missing an exam, and I was so freaked out by the prospect that I had to open up the school directory and look at his picture before I could work up the nerve to dial.
I will always, always make an appointment in person if possible. And email is my best friend. It’s also a good thing I now live with two roommates who are willing to call in a food order if I promise to cover tip. The two bucks are a small price to pay to avoid the phone. And ditto on the leaving the room thing - my mom thinks I’m a total weirdo for that, though.
I’m not great with this either- I will pick up the phone but then think “they’re probably busy” or eating or this or that. I really put it off, yet I really do wanna catch up with my friends. I don’t know what the problem is.
Yeesh, I thought I had phone phobias but some of you guys make me seem kind of normal - thanks!
I don’t like making personal calls for the same reason as the OP.
I used to also hate professional calls, and it was really rough on our business. I used to work in one room of a house with my business partner. We had one line, and he’d always answer because frankly I was “afraid”. One day he had to go to a meeting and I literally CRIED when the phone rang and I didn’t answer it (I was 22 years old!!)
After that bit of baloney, I started trying to toughen up on the phone. I’ve come a long way, I think. However - we did end up hiring someone to answer our phone. In THEORY it’s because my partner and I can’t be interrupted all day from programming to talk about sales. In PRACTICE it’s because I am scared to death of being on the other end of a complaining customer phone call.
I’ve gotten to be a real whiz at business calls, tho. Thank God, too because I was on the phone non-stop when trying to buy my house, and am often on the phone non-stop when having to deal with our business’s billing issues (Programmer and CFO, i am!)
It has taken ALOT of practice though. And yeah, I still won’t call my aunts to see how they’re doing. It’s just too creepy for me.
I have a phone phobia too. The terrible thing is, I;ve worked a number of phone jobs, so I’m pretty good over the phone, at the very least in formal/business situations, (so much so that people calling my parent’s house think I’m like, my dad’s personal secretary or something). But I still hate talking on the phone.
I may be weird, but when calling anyone but my mom, ex bf (when we were dating), or someone that EXPLICITY told me “call me at this time,” I tend to call, let it ring a couple times, and when they don’t pick up, just hang up and hope they call back. I won’t hang up on someone, but I have called, let it ring once, just enough to let the caller ID work, then hang up. No one has ever noticed I do it…and I’m not sure why I do it. I know my friends like me, and they call me, I’m just weird.
And I HATE calling people I don’t know. HATE IT. I avoid it at all costs. I had to call and deal with insurance people when my friend wrecked my car and even though I actually got a nice claims adjuster, I fricking hated every second.
But I didn’t mind answering them at the pizza joint I worked at, but I was nervous at first, but that was mainly because I wasn’t fast with the computer yet.
I also put off calling people because I dont want to bother them. It’s not so much of a “fear” though, just something I find myself doing… pretty much every day. Maybe it’s a self-esteem thing. Sometimes I think these people don’t want to hear from me (which is weird, and probably not true). But I also hate being on the phone (especially for a long period of time), so I’ll put off calling those friends that tend to talk a lot.
I will go in the other room if the Wife is watching TV or something. Or in the presence of any group of people. It’s only common courtesy to NOT talk on your phone in front of other people. You are, in effect, ignoring everyone else with a big red flag clamped to your ear. It’s rude and impolite. It speaks volumes about how important you think you are compared to everyone else.
Around strangers, in crowded situations it is a bit different.
My Wife has a friend that she talks to quite a bit. A couple of times a week.
My Wife called her land line recently, just to chat and it was busy. My Wife did not call her cell.
BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT SHE WAS BUSY.
The friend said that anytime her land line is busy, call the cell.
If it was an emergency, fine. This was not. Cell phones have introduced a new kind of call waiting hell.
I leave mine off and only use it for outgoing calls. So does my Wife. If we had kids, I’m sure it would be different.
No phobias re calling a friend to catch up. Ask them if they are busy.
I have the phone phobia, and social anxiety in general, too. I’m okay making errand-type calls most of the time, but rarely (< few times a year) call family or friends. I’m always worried that they’re too busy, or had a bad day, just don’t feel like hearing from me, whatever. I am however always pleased to receive a call (if the phone ever gets to me, but that’s a Pitting unto itself).
I have no trouble calling family and friends. In fact, I’m the one who’s always calling them (especially my best friend Jazz). Even though I’m the one who’s calling her, she’s always got time to talk to me about whatever.
But, I hate making impersonal phone calls and I get so nervous when I have to make a formal phone call when other people are in the room. I sneak up to my room, close the door and punch the number sloooowly so I don’t mess up. I’m afraid that I’m going to not know what to say or I’ll come off as impolite or say something wrong.
I have no problems making business calls. Or calling for information/appointment/order a pizza.
I do tend to shy away from casual/chatty calls. I usually don’t have anything going on in my life that I think others would be interested in. Do you really want to know that I picked up my mom at the airport, or that I vacuumed?
