Hms irruncible, if you had read thru my posts you would see.this person is not a romantic interest,hes a relative and as I also stated,he.tends to do it in varying degrees to everyone. so it has.nada to do with “not being into you”…he was pulling this shit on his gf until she basicaly told hom he would be sleeping solo if he didnt sit up and learn how to return a message after.he left her hanging an entire weekend
Tollhouse, it’s probably true this guy does it to everyone, not just you. I don’t know what you want us to say, though. Also, your posting behavior in this thread make me wonder if you elicit a feeling of exasperation from people in real life, which may make someone hesitant to engage with you unnecessarily on the phone. Your writing has a repetitious and defensive quality to it. Can you sense this?
Tupac, I hear ya…so glad you were able to get what this thread is about. Its realy frustrating when you need a person to communicate and they leave you hanging like that. This .person im referring to also does this…your requests to return the message go unanswered, you are left hanging not knowing whats up. But if you leave a message THEY desparetely care about, suddenly they rember how to use a phone. Its very selfish he could care less about letting you know abput his cat, or the fact you were caring for it,but when he heard the word pound,he suddenly was.able to respond. Total selfishness. The same thing with person in this thread, once he left his gf hanging, and only after she let him know he would be sleeping alone did he suddenly rember how to use a phone. If its something super important to them like a cat.being dropped off at the pound,or a gf breaking up they will quickly recall how to call back. But they could care less if its something important to you like you having to care for his cat.I guess what we have come across are people who get their messages but dont bother to respond unless their neck is somehow on the line or they need or want something
Monstro, I guess your right I was to some degree repeating what I said, I felt a little frustrated that I probably didnt think how to word my op so that its meaning was more clear (as opposed to how much people like or dislike cellphones)…so I was trying to clarify what the background was, I guess thats why it might have sounded somewhat repetitve…
I practically never pick up my phone unless I am expecting a call, for a few reasons. The biggest: I am a planner and an extreme introvert with high levels of social anxiety, and I don’t do very well in off-the-cuff conversation when I can’t see the other person’s face. Phone calls tend to upset my routine. I need time to incorporate the idea of talking to someone and plan what to talk about before it happens.* It’s not necessarily rational, but that’s why I do it.
Also, I only have 100 phone minutes a month, and it’s more economical to listen to voice mail and text back a reply. Also also, I take phone calls for my job 40 hours a week. The last fuckin’ thing I want to do when I get off is talk on the phone with ANYBODY.
*unless it’s my boyfriend, because I always love talking to him. He understands my issues, doesn’t like small talk himself, is comfortable with silence, and doesn’t demand that I always uphold 50% of a conversation. Which paradoxically makes it easier to do so 
I do this (ignore the phone), I do it because I hate the phone and hate talking on it, this comes from a long time working as a computer tech, having to answer calls from clueless dolts, being the brunt of people’s frustration that their computer is broken, and other crap like that just makes me completely antisocial
Thankfully, my current computer repair job does not involve working on end user machines, so I don’t have to talk on the phone, and in fact there are NO phones in my workgroup at all, ahhh… Bliss!
However, all is not well in MacTechLand, one of my co workers in another workgroup tends to chatter and talk, incessantly and loudly, for eight hours a day, she never…shuts…up… And her volume never goes below 9, most of the time it’s stuck on 11…
And, she’s not even speaking English, she’s speaking her native language, there are a couple other people in her workgroup from the same country, they can’t get in a word edgewise either, and resent her constant nattering chatter as much as, if not more so (probably because they can understand what she’s saying)…
So, after dealing with chatterbox all day, I just want to go home and be left alone, the LAST thing I want to do is deal with the phone intruding on my solitude and quiet…
I’m a loner and don’t often feel like communicating with people via phone, and I often don’t prioritize texting. I suppose it’s rude, but I don’t really care. The great thing about being an adult, is that I get to do as I like, as long as I pay my bills. I’ve managed to sustain long-term romantic relationships and friendships, so I see no reason to change. My friends know I’m hard to get hold of, and that I don’t usually hang out with any one person more than once every few months.
Yes!!! Dontchaloveit?!
If someone like Tupac was needing to know something important (when you plan to pick up your cat , would you blow him off or at least have the.courtesy to let him know. ? This thread got off topic in a way bc its not so much about answering a call imediately…its about keeping some line of comunication open and if the person has a question or need to confirm somthing, to reply and let them know…as opposed to keeping them hanging.
Tollhouse, I really don’t mean offense, but you have 25% of the posts in this thread, yet you are still saying that you haven’t explained yourself clearly.
Your posts are a bit long, lack clarity and punctuation, and are self-admittedly repetitive. In other words, you are not a good communicator. Although I could be completely wrong, I am guessing that this is a big part of your problem, if not the heart of it. It seems to me that getting into a conversation with you may be more of a chore than a simple bit of information exchange. Many people, myself included, see these conversations as a hair-pulling exercise, to be avoided if at all possible, especially if they come during my leisure time.
I also see text messages as a more casual form of communication than a phone call. If I need to get or pass along information to/from someone and it is important or time-sensitive, I’ll make a call and leave a message. A text, to me, is much more passive, and I assign it less importance. I’ll read it right away, but if it is casual I’ll get around to it whenever.
I don’t understand why people need to get an acknowledgement of receiving a text. Do they often disappear into thin air?
If all you need is a yes or no, then send a text or email with one simple direct question. I wonder if the disappointment you are feeling is conveyed in your tone or choice of words. He may be avoiding a chiding by not speaking with you.
Regarding text messages–you can alter your phone settings to send you a delivery receipt so you know the person got it. If they don’t answer, it’s because they don’t want to. Now, wasn’t that simple?
My mother taught me from birth “just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to answer it. Just because someone is at the door doesn’t mean you have to answer it.”
The phone is there for the owner’s convenience, not the caller’s. Expecting someone to just drop everything because you called is arrogant. Maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re asleep. Maybe they had a shitty day and just don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Either way, they don’t owe you an explanation.
I posted several times explain that it is not about answering immediately its more about having the courtesy to comminicate esp when some info is needed, to confirm a date or time etc.
Some people do, some don’t. The phone doesn’t really enter into it.
Or, they just don’t care about you.
Yea, your right the phone isnt so much the.point bc people can use other ways to comunicate, I used the word phone bc it seems to be the main way people keep in touch, although some prefer email or whatever…most people carry cellphones nowdays.to be able to stay in touch with people,but I sometimes turn my cell off, or put it on silent. I do check.my messages usualy by end of the day or the.next day on those times, and if someone left me a questjon "what time can you be there?i have the cortesy to respond and not keep them hanging…its just basic consideration
Let me put it another way. You’re unimportant to him.
I have a friend who is a great person. You know, whenever I see him (like once in a few months), I always enjoy talking to him. But talking to him on the phone? Dude, you feel like you’ve won a lottery if he picks up.
I’m a owner of a small business and we have this one customer (a home builder) we do a lot of business with who’s very difficult to reach. He rarely answers his cell phone and when I try to call his office 90% of the time there’s no one there. I don’t even bother to leave him messages anymore because he never returns my calls. I don’t even know how his business functions like that. Usually when I need to schedule jobs I’ll deal with his employee but there are many times I need to contact him directly. It’s really frustrating. His brother (who is his business partner) is just as bad. Even their employee, who is mainly a laborer but also acts as a sort of superintendent for them has a hard time reaching them for important calls.
A “should” is what someone else thinks we should do. You can only change your behavior, tollhouse. Clearly, he’s not going to change his no matter what you think he “should” do.