(bolding mine)
Okay, now things are a bit more clear.
More sobering up may be necessary for this to connect, but, find different circles.
My opinion. Which you DID request.
Just out of idle curiosity, what’s your location? Time zone will do.
Next week.
Like, how to not get in bar fights over stupid shit?
The appropriate thing to do would be to apologize to him the next time you see him and shake hands to make it clear there are no hard feelings. Or avoid hanging out with him, if it pisses you off so much than you can’t just hit the guy whenever you like without expecting a response. Walking around with a grudge about wanting to “knock him into the middle of fucking next week” is not only seriously immature but also liable to raise back up next time you decide to get drunk with the guy.
The last time someone attempted to put me in a headlock “as a joke” I had him on the ground and in an armbar before either of us realized what was happening, it was actually kind of embarassing because it was supposed to be a formal gathering (wedding party). Threatening or pretending to do violence is not actually funny; it’s bullshit posturing, and if you’re not prepared for the consequences you shouldn’t even think about it.
Stranger
I’m more interested in why hitting and slapping is such a thing for your group of friends. Also—reality show idea. I’m thinking Slap Happy…
Punch Drunk might be better.
No one is “allowed” to hit anyone. It’s all battery.
The “he hit me first” stuff is childish nonsense. It has no validity in any moral or ethical sense. Grown ups don’t hit people, regardless of who it is.
And it’s ironic that you should assert this as a moral principal anyway, when you hit him first!
A reality show isn’t ambitious enough. This habit of hitting and slapping needs to inspire the next generation on every TV:
Adult Business Ninja Pandas
Adult Business Ninja Pandas
Adult Business Ninja Pandas
Adult Business Ninja Pandas
Heroes of the half-punch
Panda power!
They’re the world’s most touchy fighting team
They’re heroes of the half-punch and not mean
When the evil Brett-man attacks
These Panda boys hold everything back!
This reminds me of an old Andy Capp comic. An inebriated Andy is being questioned by a policeman while another bloke lies unconscious on the ground. The policeman is reading Andy’s statement aloud from his note pad:
“I thought he was going to hit me, so I hit him back first.”
The problem is the first part of your sentence. You weren’t “allowed” to hit him in the first place.
Yes I know good friends will lightly punch or tap one another; girlfriends do it too. The point is you have to know someone pretty darned well to get to that point. You violated his personal space and did wrong by hitting him. Even if your intent was 100% honestly just trying to have fun, the action was wrong. Apologize to him the next time you see him, don’t bring it up again, and move on.
Let me take you back to this guys childhood…
Every day of his life his asshole step-father enjoyed trying to toughen him up, by punching him in the stomach. Every single day of his life, he was hit harder and harder in the stomach.
Your softball punch brought on a flashback of his step father, he instantly saw his step father’s face, and he hit you without even thinking. In order to apologize to you, he felt that he would have had to explain what he went through in his childhood. So no apology was offered.
Did that happen? I don’t know, but neither do you, and that is why we don’t punch people, even jokingly, since there are very few people whose back stories we know completely.
Yes, and some people didn’t have traumatic things happen to them in childhood, but they still don’t like to be touched.
Pivoting back to the 1952 Republican convention (how’s that for a segue?), Nixon grabs Eisenhower’s wrist spontaneously, not knowing that Eisenhower didn’t like to be touched. Awkward. Pic. Article with caption. Quote: [INDENT]Frank has a particular talent for depicting the incidents in which Nixon seemed compelled to play the schlemiel with the elder statesman he revered: seizing Ike by the wrist when he was nominated for vice president (not knowing that the general hated to be touched by people he didn’t know), blurting out that the general had to “shit or get off the pot” in the funds crisis, and even managing to hook Ike’s jacket on a fly-fishing expedition. [/INDENT] Darth Panda: Don’t play the schlemiel. 
Who is that guy in the Nixon mask standing next to Ike? 
I just love it when people open the door to violence then get all pissy when more than they expected/wanted walks in.
Jeez, the door was shut, why did you go and open it?
Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Here’s a post of yours from two weeks ago:
And here’s yesterday:
Is Brett a member of the Lollipop Guild? Those midgets are some mean motherfuckers. Haven’t you seen “Under the Rainbow”?
I was going to suggest little man syndrome for Brett, but it turns out you’re already a little guy and Brett’s a right puny guy. Napoleon Complexes all around.
Dude, I don’t think you need to “keep your hands to yourself” or “grow up”; you just need to hang out with a taller crew.
Remember if you lose a fight to a midget you become one, but if you hit them over the head with a mallet they turn into seven gold coins.
Unfortunately, you started it. You have no comeback whatsoever.
You can use those coins to buy a fatted goose for your goodly wife.
I think you’re allowed to hit him back as hard as you want. But to make it fair, seeing as you’re so much bigger and stronger than him, make sure he’s surrounded by his biggest strongest mates first. And that you’ve just implied that they all have sexual relations with their own mothers.
Happy hitting!
You mentioned you were drinking. Maybe Brett was, too. Maybe what happened is you either violated his personal space and didn’t realize it, because you were (a little?) drunk, or Brett misinterpreted your friendly intent because *he *was a little drunk. Considering how alcohol disinhibits, he probably overreacted. Or probably he wanted a bigger guy (you) to realize if you started a scrap, he’d fight back hard.
Count yourself lucky he wasn’t a Marine with knuckles of steel.
Really? Because I would have thought someone who had “been in enough fights to tell the difference” wouldn’t be crying to the internet about how he punched you harder than you punched him.
Seriously, how about you decide to be the one to stop acting like a 5 year old first so both of you can get back to adult business?