How have you resolved bad situations at work?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m having a hard time at work - for the past two years I’ve had a manager who doesn’t like or respect me. Although he’s not blatantly obvious about it, it’s very unsettling and it’s causing me a lot of stress and depression, which in turn of course is affecting me basically 24/7. :frowning:

I’m wondering how other Dopers have dealt with such situations, in a positive, healthy, productive way. (Not so interested in stories of revenge, etc.)

Quitting my job is not an option, and while I am actively searching for a new position, until something else comes along, I am basically stuck there.

Help?!?!

2

My boss does not respect me, but I’m a stock boy and only make $6 an hour. This has actually befitted me because he won’t trust me with more responsible positions. I don’t really mind having as little responsibility as possible. He won’t give me a raise unless I ask him for one, so I am still working up the courage to ask.

As for a difficult situation at work, I have to deal with the strangest new employees that the store brings in for $6 an hour. Since no skill is involved we can sometimes hire the scum of the work force. I had a problem with this one ego maniac that would not do anything but the minium of work. I had to end up doing all the extra work. Every time I asked him to do it he would always bitch and moan about it. The more I kept telling him to do some work the more he would hate me for it. The best thing that I did in this situation is not let him know that I hated him or that his antics were getting to me. In the end it just made him more upset that his behavior was not getting to me. He ended up hating the job and now no longer works at my store.

3

Have you tried talking to him about it? As your manager, he’s obligated to speak with you in a civil manner about your challenges in your workplace, is he not? Maybe you could calmly explain to him that you have at times felt uncomfortable, that you’re not sure you’re on the same page with him, you’d like to clear the air? Nothing too dramatic and certainly no tears or anything like that. Just a logical, unemotional conversation designed to improve your status as employee and be more productive.
IME, things don’t change much at work. My manager is incredibly dysfunctional, yet she’s been there for 25 years, so obviously she’s locked in. With some jobs, unfortunately, you’ll find your best defense against inappropriate, dysfunctional workplaces is to just get a new job. That’s what I did about my last poisonous workplace, but I also wrote a letter and CC’d many at Corporate. Nothing changed, but I did get alot off my chest and made a statement and I feel good about it.

4

I quit a job last January because of a co-worker bullying me, and since then, I have learned that her behaviour was contrary to the Canadian Human Rights board (I actually received EI after quitting and telling them how she had been treating me). If your supervisor has gone this far, feel free to talk to the Human Rights people. While you’re still there, you can document every instance of disrespectful treatment for possible future action.

One thing that I would have done differently is I would have sat down with this woman and told her in no uncertain terms why her behaviour was unacceptable. I am a non-confrontational person, and it’s very difficult for me to confront people, but it needed to be done, and I didn’t find the balls to do it.

While you stay in a situation like this while looking for another job, it’s important that you decide where your personal boundaries are, and don’t let this person cross them. That’s simply being assertive. Other than that, try not to take it personally. You can even take it as a kind of compliment; I believe that bullies pick out the most competent and make them the target because they are the biggest threat.

If you could be more specific with the kind of things your supervisor does, I could give you some tips on how to deal with them more assertively. I’ve been working on this since my own departure, and have done lots of research.

5

::nudge nudge::

6

Thanks for the input so far!

I have had to get our Human Resources Department involved a couple of different times - they tried to mediate and find solutions, and things get better for a while and then disintegrate again.

He is very rigid and controlling of me - it seems to get worse when things aren’t going well for HIM at work - it’s like he tries to assert his control over the situation by taking it out on me, because he knows I need my job and can’t afford to quit. As a result, he is very inconsistent - some times quite nice and generous, other times very curt and unreasonable.

The company I work for has many different supervisors, managers and directors - overall most of them are very fluid and relaxed about flexible work schedules, time off, personal needs, etc. He is from a different environment - very old school - and he is like a renegade within our company, he doesn’t fit in well and believe it is all too “soft”.

Unfortunately, because our company is quite relaxed about all of these things, the policies are fairly vague in many regards and don’t offer a lot of guidelines or support. The corporation trusts everyone to act responsibly and be accountable for their time, their projects and their commitments.

I am currently considering seeking outside mediation - our company uses a professional mediator who is familiar with our policies and our corporate values. I personally do not feel this situation can be remedied - trust & respect cannot be forced.

I guess the best I can hope for is for the mediator to assist us in developing some firm, solid guidelines that adhere to corporate policies, but that provide my manager with the structure he feels is necessary for my position, and still provide me with rights, a feeling of respect, and a guarantee that my job and my performance evaluations etc will NOT be affected by his personal dislike for me.

It is just so frustrating that I am unable to let this go in my “free time” - it has come to such a head that I have allowed my entire weekend to be ruined. I can’t sleep, I’m being a bag to my family, and I have a pounding headache that won’t quit.

My counsellor believes I should go on anti-depressants to help me deal with the overwhelmingness of this but I think that will only make it worse, at least at this point. I cannot imagine trying to find the right dosage, the right medication, and deal with the changes that will entail, on TOP of this constant relentless stress.

Wow … I just wrote a book almost! :slight_smile:

7

Kind of tough, but your manager does not have to like or respect you. But he should not make the work environment hostile. Unless that’s the case in a fairly obvious way, there’s not much you can do about it. Let’s face it, there will always be people who are difficult to get along with and they’re not going to change. In your case, one of those people happens to be your boss.

We agree about the part that you’re not going to be able to force your boss to trust and respect you. I think that the outside mediator is a waste of time. Focus your attention on getting another job far away from your current manager. That’s your only out and your road to peace of mind. Just think of the satisfaction you will get from telling your boss that you’re quitting.

8

Thanks all for your input and your different perspectives.

9

This sums up my feelings about this topic:

http://stevedanforth.com/files/0032/dilbert_-600.jpg

10

I agree that your manager does not have to like you, but he still needs to treat you with respect. I think the outside mediator is a great idea - if he needs strict guidelines, and will respect those guidelines, it is certainly worth a try.

As for ruining your weekend and going on anti-depressants, this is an area that you can work on on your own. Are you making any efforts at relaxation and stress-relief, like meditating and active relaxation? It is important to listen to what you’re telling yourself about your job and supervisor, too. From your posts here, I’m guessing that you often give yourself negative messages; that you tell yourself that you can’t quit, and that you’re trapped in this unsatisfactory situation, which is only increasing your stress levels.

Please allow me to point out that you can quit, and you’re not trapped - for reasons that you know best, you are choosing to remain in this situation for now. Nothing stays the same - not good stuff, and not bad stuff. There will come a time when this is behind you.

11

Have you tried looking for a job in your company under a different manager? If yours is known to be a problem, others might be sympathetic.

I had one that was a problem right at the start. In fact in the year and a quarter I was there 14 of his 15 direct reports left either the company or the group. We were all managers, so this was kind of a high turnover. I tried to transfer, but he blocked it. (Our group had the power.) So I finally got a job in another company, and have been happy ever since. (When I gave my notice, then he said I could transfer. :rolleyes: I sympathise, for when this was going on I felt more depressed than at any time in 25 years of work. I am dubious about mediation, sometimes you just gotta leave.