Speaking of pickles, there’s a restaurant on Main Street in Annapolis - Chick and Ruth’s Delly. It’s got the ugliest decor, but they used to have wonderful sammiches. Maybe they still do - I haven’t been there in years. Anyway, they also used to put bowls of pickle chunks on each table - good Kosher dills. Between the yummerrific sammiches and the pickles and their made-from-scratch milkshakes, well, lunch more than made up for the orange and yellow formica decor.
But Swampy, I’m always glad to see you. No matter what I have in my pants.
Ew… “made from scratch milkshakes”. It’s not like at Benny Hana’s (yes, I know “Benihana”) where they actually milk the cow right at your table, is it? Although thinking about it, that could be cool. Given giant cow diapers of course. I think that would be the key to indoor cow milking, giant cow diapers.
Although goats are real cute. They could have at-your-table goat milking. And you could put little diapers on goats. I’m not sure if you could get them right “off the shelf” like the diapers they have for monkeys, but goat diapers wouldn’t be as… monumental and cow diapers.
The obvious downside is then you’d be stuck with goat milk. I’m not sure that would make a good shake, goat milk. Cheese would work, but I’m not sure about a goat milk shake. And by “cheese would work” I mean the milk would be good for cheese, not make a milkshake with cheese. Unless that’s what you like. Then I guess it would be OK.
No, it would still be gross, a milkshake made with goat cheese.
-Rue. (pickles, diapers, and cheese)
Rue! I am horrified. I have used you as a perfectly valid excuse to be addicted to the SDMB. Often I will say to my child “Did you know…” and he will counter with “Oh did you read that on the Dope mum?”. “Why yes I did” I faithfully answer.
Every Tuesday night the child says “What did that funny guy say?” and I dutifully read him your post (to us it’s the TEP not the MMP, just a hazard of living in the future). To my horror this weeks TEP involved theft! Not just theft, but theft I could relate to! (I used to have a fairly dazzling collection of bar/cafe/resturant ashtrays from my young and carefree days)
Well I read the child the TEP and he said “thats a bit naughty eh mum” I had to pretend to agree that “the funny guy” was indeed naughty, all the while knowing I was equally as naughty. I did defend you though “funny guy”. I took the child down a "funny guy’ memory lane trip and reminded the child that "the funny guy’ just says stuff to make us laugh.
I reminded him about when he locked himself out of the house and his boys didn’t hear him knocking and calling.
I reminded him about how the “funny guy” will comfort us if the dog we don’t have ever has a seizure.
I reminded him how in Rue’s house manly bowls have Winnie the Pooh on them…and we both snorted.
I reminded him that watching “the funny guy” going canoeing would be better then any episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants.
I reminded him of the time "the funny guy’ seived himself through the screen door and then made green spam.
To cut, what could be a very long story, short the child has forgiven you of your crime (and without me having to reveal my crimes…big bonus!) Please Mr “funny guy” do something disasterous and wholesome for next week. I’m sure Soupo, Katcha or the dogs could do something to you that would amuse us. Mrs DeDay doesn’t get enough press in my opinion. Couldn’t we have a “Mrs DeDay caught me…?” story
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Or, in other words, when in doubt tell your progeny the “the funny guy” (Hey! I’m not “funny”! I like girls!) is a big liar. I can live with that. I mean it’s about the least I can do to keep a-hold of my International Multi-Generational Audience.
Since you live in the Future, do you get to wear shiny jumpsuits? Man that would be so cool. It would totally make it worth not getting the MMP on Monday Morning.
-Rue. (puckish)
HEY! I asked for diasters not poetry! Jeez and I was calm too! (though just between you, me and the kitchen sink I’m only calm kiwi because mildly neurotic kiwi and cranky kiwi just didn’t sound right).
Never fear dear Rue I’m way ahead of you. I already told the child that you are a great big fibber, he didn’t believe me though. Infact I think he thinks I’m fibbing that you are a fibber (I’m only his mother after all. You are entertainment and as all children know everything on tv, movies and SDMB is true and everything your parent says is rubbish)
The future is groovy. Shiny jumpsuits are soooooooo yesterday though. We have moved on to glow in the dark bikinis (your seasons are in the past too. Its summer now dontcha know) It might pay you to take an umbrella tomorrow though, I have seen your future and it was wet.
Geez Brain, you make me sound like a kleptomaniac or something. Sheesh, in a carreer that spans… oh geez! 17 years, I have:
1 “rocks” glass from a bar.
1 “highball” glass from the same bar. (It’s closed now.)
They aren’t special or anything, they’re just heavy bar glasses. The “rocks” glass (as in “on the rocks”) is on the kitchen sink and the “highball” glass used to be our bathroom glass until the kids showed up and a glass glass in the bathroom became a Bad Idea.
1 plastic shot glass (the kind that hooks to the side of a larger drink) from the Rain Forest Cafe. (From the Disney World one.)
1 snazzy water glass from a hotel we stayed at that wasn’t very good other than the glass.
And now the Red Robin glass.
And two plastic ice buckets from motels.
That’s the extent of my drink-related pilferage. And the shot glass is one they let you keep anyway since they’ll just throw it out when you’re done.
But if you want to hear about all my glasses, that could take a while. See, I like Open Stock barware. I buy most of my glasses one-off, unless I can’t help it. So there’s a variety of drinking vessels in the ol’ DeDay cupboard.
Funny thing. The Little Woman was not pleased that I boosted the Red Robin glass. Then the other night as I was enjoying the sweet taste of my beverage of choice in a stolen glass, she looks at it and said I should have gotten her one too. Then she mentions how she want’s to go back to the Robin sometime. I don’t know what to make of that.
-Rue. (perplexed)
Like me, Mrs. Rue is a woman who inspires others to pilfer for her. That’s what you should make of that.
She will, however, express disapproval after you have boosted this second glass in her name. This is because she is the Keeper of Morals for the young ones. She may never allow a hint of approval of illicit acts to be displayed, by her, in front of the impressionable Katcha and Soupo–to do so would irretrievable end her standing as the Keeper of Morals, and your children would then begin to act like those boys in Lord of the Flies, and eventually, civilization itself would collapse.
And do not think that you, as Father and supposed Role Model, can make up of the fall of the Keeper of Morals. The Role Model, as important as that position is in the development of children, is not equal to the task of Keeper of the Morals. Kind of like the difference between the manager and the assistant manager at Denny’s. One is a pure light, the other, in comparison, a dim bulb.
I have an assortment of restaurant glasses, but the piece de resistance is, without a doubt, my matched pair of thick, clear, beer pitchers from a local establishment.
It’s popular with our work crowd (after work, that is… there’s a place closer to work where we drink during the work day). I bring a backpack to work. I’ll leave it to the reader to connect the dots.
If I ever manage to pull of the miracle of stealing a keg, I could throw a party in which I server stolen beer out of stolen pitchers into stolen glasses sitting on stolen coasters. Anyone have ideas on how to steal a keg, or is that too much of a hijack?
I think we have to draw the line at keg stealing. I mean Rue already lifted a restaurant glass and possibly a five gallon bucket of pickles and a mountain bike. Others have admitted to much thiefage (that’s for FCM) either personally or on their behalf. We need to maintain at least a pretense of morality people!
-swampbear (lifting Coleridge 78’s backpack as he leaves the thread)
swampbear, you cracked me up! thiefage - heh But if I see you reach for my fanny pack, I’ll hafta swat you with the thick plastic ruler that’s sitting on my desk. You won’t like it - I promise you!
I want to know why I’m a neighborhood in San Francisco and who this “Beany Malone” character is. Not some hard-bolied detective with the goods on me and about to drop the hammer, I hope.
Now I’m living in fear. It’s the wages of theft! Crie doesn’t pay! Eat you vegetables! Stay in school! Listen to your Mum for goodness’ sake!
Mothers must be keepers of the morals because if you left fathers to keep them they would be lost the very first day. The morals would be under the fridge or in some box in the basement or under a floormat in the car never to be seen again.
Fathers also lack the radar that mothers have to alert them when the darling munchkins are into things they shouldn’t be. Just last night Parallax and I are sitting not 5 feet from eachother and did he hear the girl child in the kitchen shaking parmesean cheese? No. I did though! I shouldn’t be surprised though, he doesn’t hear a crying baby when he is sleeping 3 feet away from one. But I’m not bitter
