How I Lost My Brain, And What You Can Learn From It

During my niece’s recent visit, we bought a science kit. In a few easy steps, you can make a model of the human brain. The kit includes a brain-shaped mold. This can mean only one thing. Jell-O* brains!

When I heard a friend’s birthday was near, I knew the time was right. I fairly ran to the store. A box of strawberry Jell-O was only fifty nine cents. I bought two. In science, you must always be prepared for the first test to explode. I read through the directions before starting (also something every true scientist should do).

I attempted to replicate the gray color of the brain model. Instead, I ended up with a dark grayish red. I put the mold in the refrigerator to coagulate and went to bed.
Visions of sugar lobes danced in my head.

The next morning, all seemed well. I deliberated on whether to keep the brain in the mold or decant it. I decided to remove it and deliver it on one of my charming blue willow plates. There was some difficulty. But, I got the brain out of the mold and onto the plate. Sadly, there was no “shhhlllluuuuuppp” sound. Science is always more fun with the proper sound effects. Covering the plate and brain in cling wrap, I went outside to wait for the bus.

Seeing that a long wait was in store, I put down my backpack. Fearing that I would drop the plate, I put it carefully atop the backpack. Time passed. I checked on the brain.

I know many things. I am a veritable fountain of useless information, a treasure trove of trivia. But, until that moment I lacked a very useful piece of information. To wit-Jell-O* melts at high temperatures. The brain was beginning to liquefy. I picked up the plate and my fears were confirmed. My backpack, friend of many adventures, was stained with rivulets of de-gelled Jell-O*. Horrified and saddened, I consider my chances of getting the brain to its destination. I saw that it was not to be. I unwrapped the plate and tilted it. The brain fell to the pavement with a satisfying sound. It slid several feet before coming to rest against a trash can.

Later, I was stunned to learn that all my friends knew that Jell-O* melted in the heat. Strangely, none of them had thought to tell me this. They were stunned that I did not know. Several quoted Socrates “What do you mean, hemlock is poisonous? Every one is always asking me ‘Socrates, what is truth?’ or ‘Socrates, what is the nature of wisdom?’. Nobody ever asked me ‘By the way, did you know hemlock was poison?’.”

So, I share this vital bit of knowledge with you. Jell-O* melts in the heat. Go forth and spread the word.

  • Jell-O is a registered trademark and should be used only to refer to Jell-O brand gelatins and puddings.

It’s true, a brain is a terrible thing to waste.

This thread would not be complete without at least one citation to Give Me the Brain.

I’ll bet it would have been nice to taste.

I understand it’s awfully fattening. Don’t they say “Brain makes terrible waist”?

See, this is why you should never settle for a substitute. Always use authentic brains (with much higher heat resistance than the leading competition) for your birthday party needs.

“What a waist it is to lose one’s brain. Or not to have a brainis being very waistful. How true that is.”

“Abbie, Abbie Normal.”

Next time use the finger Jello recipe. I couldn’t melt it with hot water in the sink and finally threw it outside in the tall grass.

My only experiment with Jell-O brains included spaghetti. It was one of those moments best forgotten.

So did your brain end up in the gutter?

As soon as you said you just wrapped your brain in cling wrap and went to wait for the bus I knew where the story was going. You should always keep your brain on ice.

I used to do elaborate makeup effects, sometimes using gelatine casting. You can make “appliances” from gelatine much more easily than from latex, and they move more realistically, and have some heft. Unfortunately, they also melt, as your brain did. I’ve had makeup literally melt off my face. You can only wear it so long.
The next time you make a brain mold and carry it in public (on a cooler day, one hopes), be sure to wear a hooded robe. Use white makeup on your face, and put dark circles under your eyes.

Yee Hee. I get to say:

Brain? What is brain?

Our company passed out a bunch of palm-sized, squeeze-able brains with the logo “The Best Safety Tool” stenciled on them.

In your case, the motto does not seem to be true…

(kidding, just kidding!)