When I say I want to break up, I should say that part of me does. If I had to say a percent, I’d say about half. Part of me wants to continue things as they are going now. I talked with my girlfriend, and we decided that while she’s not going to pressure me that it would be best if I decided soon. I agree. The conversation was actually calm and rational, with only a little crying and no resentment. I’m getting ahead of myself though.
I’m a 24 year old American guy dating a 32 year old Chinese woman. We started dating last December when we were both in Boston. I was finishing my last year at Boston College, and she was learning English at EF. She is proficient now, so between that and our mutual Japanese, we have no communication problems. Things went that way until May, when she went to Beijing and I went home to Florida.
The plan was for me to come back to Japan in August, which I did. Unfortunately, I can’t stay. I have no money, and, more importantly, my parents need my help renovating our house. So, we just finished 3 months of long-distance and another 6 is looming. Four days left now in Japan. Our time in Japan is going well, but yet everyday I feel a gradually ncreasing desire to break up.
When I say our relationship is going well, I really mean it. We laugh at similar things, we connect in bed (I think so at least; I’ve only had a few other partners), she’s kind, intelligent, and considerate. I could see myself being with this girl and always being content.
Of course there are problems though, and I’m guessing it’s because of these that I feel like breaking up wouldn’t be so bad. For starters, she’s older. 32 isn’t old, but when I realize that I don’t want to have kids for another 4-5 years or so I guess, and I want 3 kids… that means she’d be 37. Second, the long distance thing. I’ve done it before, but it’s a pain in the ass. Third, and I really feel shallow for saying this, but I’m not that attracted to her physically sometimes. I wish I could change that, but so far no luck. Fourth, I simply want to try dating other women. I’m feeling constricted. It probably sounds like I’m just whining… anyway.
The most important issue in my opinion is one I haven’t mentioned yet except in the title. We love each other. We care for each other, and we like each other. However, there is no passion. There is no heart-burning, ooga-wooga, butterfly-churning hotness, and there never was. Our love is more like a candle-light. Warm and pleasant, but sometimes I wish it was a bonfire, even if just briefly.
So, besides asking for general advice, my question is, how important is passion? Should I break up and find a girl who roxors my boxors, or perhaps passion can be created in this relationship?
To make matters even more serious, in her culture break-ups are final. There is no ‘let’s have a trial seperation,’ ‘let’s see other people,’ or even maintaining a simple friendship. If we break up, we are out of each other’s lives permanently. ::sigh::