I do. Break up in August. It’ll save you that much trouble. Trust me, I’ve stupidly been in this situation three times. Just don’t do it. Not worth it. I can’t emphasize this enough.
I’ve tried several long distance relationships, and none of them worked out. As much as you care for someone, eventually, you’ll drift apart. And they can get expensive, with LD phone calls, and road trips. I’d suggest enjoying the time you have, and parting as good friends, but don’t try to continue the romance.
I was in the same situation my sophomore year. My senior boyfriend was going to go off to college, and planned to break up with me in August, so we’d know to make the most of our time. Said boyfriend decided it would be easier to break up without notice in May. It broke my heart, and 2 1/2 years later, I’m still hung up on it (but he did end up transferring to my college this year unbeknowst to me and we got back together). The August break-up seems like a good idea, just make sure she knows that SHE is not the reason you’re ending things and knows about it in advance. I was madly, fiercely in love with my boyfriend, and I was able to accept a breakup if I was sure it wasn’t about me. If I could give you any other advice, it would be to be gentle and treat her extra specially for the rest of your relationship. When you break up on good terms like that, you stand a good chance of retaining the friendship and maybe even getting together later in your life.
Thanks Vixenation, superbee, and Neurotik. I think that what you all have said makes sense. My only hangup is that I really don’t want to do it. But can ya blame me? Oh well.
I think I will just keep that in the back of my mind, and try to make the very best of things.
It is very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. For both parties. Usually one cracks. I’ve been in one, and she couldn’t handle it for more than a year. After that, fin. And I drove to see her every other weekend, too.
I regret to inform you that your chances are slim. They are there, though. I’ve heard rumors that some have done it.
I feel kind of qualified to answer, being in a long distance relationship myself. Mt SO and I used to live together when we were undergrads, then, he got offered a PhD place in Edinburgh, and I one in Birmingham. We’re currently a 6 hour train journey away from each other.
Yes, its darned difficult, but it can work, but, and this is the most important caveat of them all, only if you’re really serious about them, you have complete and utter trust in them, and at times, you’re willing to compromise.
IMHO, its not worth the trouble unless you guys are 100% serious about each other, in which case you’d be able to make it work if you were moving to Mars.
If its meant to be, its meant to be and you will get back together after college because neither of you really found anyone as good as each other.
My aunt and uncle dated in high school, broke up, and married about ten years after high school when they ran into each other again and realized that they had been right for each other.
My husband and I met in high school, but were dating other people. When he was available, I was dating (or married to) someone else – when I was available he was dating (or engaged to) someone else. One day, we had a window of opportunity (ok, I kind of waited for one) and took it.
But if it isn’t meant to be, you’ll move and meet someone else, and/or she will, and you’ll look back on your relationship with each other as nice.
I agree with Angua: the chances of the relationship working out over a long-distance really depends on how serious/into each other both of you are. If one if you is, but the other isn’t, it’s not going to work out very well, if at all.
Have you asked her yet, as to what she’d like to do? That may give you your best hint as to if there is even a possibility of things working out.
(So speaks the person who’s been in a three year relationship… over two of which have been long distance. Thank goodness for web-cams and microphones…)
I wouldn’t break up just in the anticipation of something going awry, though, as some have suggested. Might as well never have gotten together in the first place with that sort of outlook. If you both want to try, then try. Our fates aren’t written in stone. It is just that a lot of people never realize how hard it can be, or they don’t realize that they aren’t really all for this person, until such a seperation. Dangerosa’s point is good as well, though taken the wrong way seems to be a recipe for stalkers. :o
I’ve moved off to go to college three times now. I’ve had long distance relationships die slow, agonizing deaths three times now. The shelf life seems to be about three months unless there’s a reasonable (1 year or less) timeline for getting back into the same 100 mile radius.
Besides, it’s college, and there’ll be lots to do and enjoy without spending all your free time racking up long distance bills.
I also agree with Angua. I think that if you are serious about this girl, you can make it happen. But you’d better be serious, because it will take a lot of hard work and effort on both of your parts.
What does she think about the whole thing?
Unless I am reading this wrong, don’t you have 6 months to decide whether or not the relationship is worth the difficulty of trying to keep it alive LD?
JMHO, but you appear to be “jumping the gun”…just a little.
Dude your young and your fixing to go off to college. Trust me the last thing you want is to be tied down to somebody. Now I know you got these warm fuzzy feeling all inside you right now. And yes it does feel totaly awesome; I know. But you know what else I know? I know that you are going to be meeting alot of new and intresting people and probably be having the best time of your life! And thats not to mention the ladies you’ll be meeting… (wink,wink… nudge, nudge) So yeah part with this woman and go off to college with a sense of optimism in your mind.
Good luck…
Well, I know only one couple personally who got married after meeting while in high school. They also had to long-term it through four years of college, but they are the one exception among everyone else I’ve ever known personally.
What might be instructive although disappointing to realize is that the odds you’ll stick with someone through college are veeeeeeery small. Both of you will change a lot, and if you’re not together…
I knew some people at college who arrived with boyfriends or girlfriends. The person not there always (except in that one case) lost out to someone on the scene.
This is not supposed to be a huge bummer, though, if you realize that this is not saying that you can’t marry whom you want. You CAN. I’m just saying that your wants will probably change.
I left my girlfriend behind when I went off to college 900 miles away from her. We were apart for over 4 years, except on vacations and summer breaks. We’ve been married over 21 years now.
Even when it was working, it was really, really, really hard. (Then it stopped working and it was even harder. But by then I had other problems.)
By all means give it a shot. But know going in that the odds are against you. Work hard from the start to keep in touch and keep growing together. If you have any doubts or the relationship has any flaws I would suggest agreeing to part ways come August. Still date the girl on breaks, stay friends, but don’t stay committed.
One thing I can say for sure. You’ll be saner if you break up with her before hand.
I’ve done that twice, now.The last two summers, I’ve left a girlfriend to LDR it. Neither one worked. I was (and arguably still am) in love with the first girl, but we had some serious issues, none of which were solvable a few hundred miles apart. The second one was my call; Not a good plan.
Also realize that there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch, but without commitment, and seeing how you both feel when you see each other again.
Long distant relationships are hard, and the distance factor in your could very well be a problem.
However, if you guys truly love each other, it can work.
What is she doing? Where is she going to school? Is there anyway you guys can get closer, or better yet, end up in the same place?
Relationships can survive long distances, as long as it doesn’t stay that way for a long time. I’m in one now, but it will end in a matter of months, and I know we can handle it. The hard part is being away from each other. I suggest trying to arrange living with or near each other, if you matter that much to each other. Otherwise, the chances of this lasting is slim.
What will make this relationship last or fail, all depends on the choices made.
