Erm, I meant that the distance part will end, not the relationship! 
Well, she is a year younger, still in high school. So that makes it a bit difficult in that respect. Additionally, my family might be relocating a year or so after I leave for college, so my roots here will be gone. I guess I’ll just see how the next couple of months go, and if everything is going well with my relationship, I’ll re-examine what I am going to do.
Thanks for your help.
Break up before you leave for college. It’ll hurt like hell, but it’ll be a lot less painful than trying to keep it going long distance while you’re both changing and growing apart. (Trust me on this.) Plus, you’ll both be better off if you get a chance to date other people in college.
I’ve done this twice (once NY-Chicago, and once Chicago-Leningrad), and seen many other friends do it, too…it sucks, and in my experience a LDR will only work in the lonfg run if you are both really serious about each other, AND if you know there is a point after which it will no longer be a LDR. Even then, it’s a crapshoot.
That said, I don’t regret either of my experiences…I learned a lot from them. And I’m still good friends with the first guy (the second is probably in Russian military intelligence now, but that’s a story for another day).
My high school sweetheart and I went to colleges about 3000 miles apart. Our plan was to just take things as they come and see how it works out.
We moved in together after college, got married a year later, have been married now for seven years and are expecting our second child. I can’t imagine my life without her.
My advice would be not to make any commitments until you see how it goes. Odds are that you will break up. Generally, people grow apart. In that case, you don’t want to have to break any promises you made unnecessarily. However, you might be one of the lucky few who make it through college and it would be a shame to throw it away when you didn’t have to.
Here’s my story, very young and very still in progress:
I’ve had a long distance relationship since the beginning of August when my girlfriend (one year my senior) left for college. Before that we’d been going out for 2.5 years. It was very hard and very painful. We E-Mailed every day. Then we broke up when she wanted to try things with someone else. We still E-Mailed everyday, though, and a few days after she got together with him she broke up with him. I saw her over Thanksgiving and we decided to get back together. I went to visit her for the weekend (where I also interviewed at the college.) We decided that us being together was worth all the pain we went through. We know that it will be harder, but we’re still willing to give it a shot.
So my advice is similar to others. Know that it will be incredibly painful and even scary at times. Know that you will have to keep up communications and make compromises. If you have any jealousy or paranoia problems you will have to lose them fast. Also know that chances are slim. If you think she’s worth all this and she is willing to go through it also, then give it a shot.
I know I’m not in the clear yet, but I’m betting on love. If we make it then it was all worth it; if we don’t then, hey, at least it’s an experience.
There are a lot of women in my sign language classes that do this long distance relationship thing successfully. They get a cell phone & call them daily though. You might consider that.
It isn’t impossible, it will just be very hard on both of you.
Good luck with this.
I did a long-distance thing - it failed miserably and I wasted a lot of time in the process. My weekends were spent on the phone… I was spending a lot of $$ on air fare. And… after 2 years of this (not to mention finding numerous pairs of random panties hidden in his house during visits) I moved to be close to him just 15 minutes away. 3 days later we broke up.
Seriously, I don’t mean to burst your bubble but life has a weird way of moving on even when you least expect it to.
… so don’t go there with a LDR in tow.
I do like how SHAKES so bluntly put it, and I want to echo the sentiment. You’re young, and embarking on a fantastic adventure. Be sure you can participate fully, and do so!
WHY IN HADES did you start to date her if you KNEW you were leaving?
I swear I hate men.
Tell her that YOU are the putz.
Did I miss the part where he said that they’d just started dating recently?
Not bitter, are we Amazon? By the way, I knew I was leaving. But when, and where has only been a recent development. It isn’t that I jumped into this thing, full well knowing every detail.
Yes, it can work - at least it did for me. Same situation: I was older, leaving the BF of 2 years for college. Only went a 5 hr drive away, but it was still away. When he graduated, he went to a university that was now a 6 hr drive away. We managed. He transferred to be with me (Madison, WI, USA); I left for a semester in Australia - this was harder. We managed. We’ve been married for over 2 years now. 'Course, we’d been together for 6 before we married, most of that LD.
I also noticed your family might be pulling up roots - this will make it twice as hard. It was easy going home (we were HS sweethearts and parents lived in the same small town) for Xmas or breaks knowing that he’d be there too. I don’t think you’ll have this luxury, which means lots more hard choices.
It can work - but it’s hard. However, I like what it’s done to our relationship. There’s no room for jealousy in an LDR, so now the trust between me and Mr. Snicks is amazing. And that’s fantastic. If you can’t trust her (or if she can’t trust you), don’t bother - you might as well break up before enduring jealousy that may or may not be well-founded.
It’s all about the trust, man.
Good luck - my best regardless of what you choose.
Snicks
Stories like those make me happy, Snickers.
I know I haven’t been in it long, but I totally agree on there being no room for jealousy in a LDR. I used to be a real jealous boyfriend, and we had so many problems for the first few months. One day I just lost the jealousy somehow and it all became so much better all of a sudden. We’re so much happier right now.
I really hope it works out.
(I applied to a few colleges in her vicinity, so I just might be nearer to her next school year.
Worry about it in six months. Carpe Diem, man. Don’t ruin the time you have with her fretting about what will happen when you leave.
Update: This girl and I split. I was talking to some mutual friends with me the other night, and they confided in me that there was some dishonesty that I was unaware of. Unwilling to jump the gun, I looked into it and figured out that it was the truth. So I had a nice long talk with her, and we’re done.
As for what I have learned in connection to LDR’s I will not be entering another relationship. Thanks for your help everyone.