In order to try to live up to my username, I’m going to eat everything - that is, I’m going to try everything once (twice if I like it, and time allows).
So what I’d like help with (and the reason this is in GQ) is the mathematics of exactly how big a task faces me - if I set out tomorrow on my gustatory journey, could I possibly complete it before I die? If not, would it have been possible had I started younger?
So let’s jot down some of the parameters and constraints…
I want to try eating everything that is commonly thought of as edible - so no poisons, no poisonous mushrooms, no rocks, planets, black holes, ghosts, shoes, ships or sealing wax.
The question of what comprises a distinct thing, and what is only a variety of something else is a thorny one - and I’m not sure how to resolve it - is lasagne really a different thing from spaghetti bolognese? If so, is each person’s individual recipe for a dish a different thing (because if it is, I can’t possibly prevail).
Obviously oranges and apples are different things, but I don’t think we should count all the different varieties of apples and all the different varieties of oranges as different things (but then again, blood oranges are quite different from Jaffa oranges).
I don’t want to gain weight during this endeavour, so the intake is limited to something like 2500 calories.
I’m 46, so let’s assume I’ve got maybe 40 years to play.
So… how can we calculate how long it would take a person to eat one of everything?
You didn’t say anything about portion size either. Taking a sample of everything eaten by man somewhere in rice grain sized portions is quite different than completely eating all the edible parts of a whale for example. The former wouldn’t take that long while you would probably never finish the first course of the latter.
Plus a glass of 1964 Sauterne d’Yquem sipped on a porch overlooking the Riviera tastes different than that same wine drunk at table after a grand meal. And then it depends which meal, which dining partner, which lighting…
I went to an M&Ms store in London today - they have silver M&Ms along with dozens of others that are milk, dark and peanut-filled. My guess is you’ll never be able to eat every item available in the world and you’d get sick of it well before completing a tenth of the task.
Even with just a bite, all the edible parts of every edible animal is quite a challenge as a subtask.
Whale liver is not at all like mouse liver, and lion liver is not like eagle liver. Then there’s people…
Maybe, but even then, surely not all of them. I agree that your examples are quite different, but then Ribston Pippin and Cox’s are quite similar. We have to draw the line somewhere, or else we could say that each individual apple is different from the next, even if they are the same variety.
If they’re already considered a food by someone, somewhere, yes.
Does the same food item prepared in different ways count as different items? Is a raw carrot the same as a cooked carrot? Are baked potatoes, boiled potatoes, and fried potatoes all different? Is eating an orange the same as drinking orange juice? Are pork chops, ham, and bacon all considered just different ways to cook a pig?
You’ll need to go to China. And then the outback of Australia. And Africa- pretty much anything in Africa that isn’t poisonous is considered edible by somebody.
This is the thing that’s perplexing me. The number of possible things seems indefinite, but is composed of a finite set of ingredients (heck, a finite set of atoms if it comes to that)
Even so, this site says there are 7,500 varieties of apples alone. So I think there could be thousands of fairly distinctive apples. There are 4,000+ different varieties of potatoes, hundreds of kinds of chilis, etc, etc.
This site indicates there are some 20,000 different species of edible plants. Of course, some of these have multiple edible parts. If we combine all the different varieties of domestic crops, plus the many wild species of edible plants, I think it’s reasonable to think there might be 30,000+ distinct kinds of plant foods.
There are thousands of species of edible fish, as well as probably thousands of species of edible crustaceans, clams, and other shellfish.
And we haven’t even started to consider the different ways to prepare these different species, or their use in combination with other foods.
You have about 14,000 days in which to sample all these foods. Given the large numbers of different edible species and varieties, and the almost infinite different ways to prepare or combine them, I would say it would take a lot longer than that to try everything.
I agree with your conclusion, there’s not enough time.
So how can we condense this a little by grouping. I’ve tasted maybe 50 different varieties of apple (no, really, I know a guy who has a very diverse orchard), and there definitely does come a point when it stops being “wow, this is new and different” and changes to “Oh, this one is a bit like Ashmead’s Kernel, but with a fruity acidity similar to a Cox” - or whatever - there is a quite early point at which you could have sampled the spectrum of apple-ness, without working through each and every variety.
Ok, you have to eat a dozen of each thing. A dozen different species of snails, a dozen different chilis, etc.
Your crew can line it all up and you can eat it sequentially, so that’s going to increase your consumption rate.
…
I suppose there’s going to be a diverse assortment at the other end. Probably should document that, For Science!