Broken: 2, that I know of. I’m still on friendly terms with both, but they are still not over it, no matter how much I wish they were.
The first one was a good friend from HS, whom I turned down senior year when he asked what I would think if he told me he was about to fall madly in love with me. I made a complete ass of myself trying to find a way to tell him I wasn’t interested wihtout hurting his feelings. It didn’t work very well. I fell out of touch with him for a number of years, but just went to his wedding a few weeks ago. At the reception, his wife asked me for some HS dirt on him, and I told her he’d turned me down when I asked him to prom on a platonic basis, on the excuse that he was boycotting prom. He got very gloomy and told me, in front of everyone, that the real reason was because I’d rejected him, so why should he go to prom with me? It was a supremely awkward moment, although his wife was very cool about it.
The second was a boyfriend of three years. Wonderful human being, but I just didn’t feel the same way about him that he felt about me. And I knew if we tried to make a permanent go of it, I’d be wanting to strangle him within about 2 weeks. Plus I was moving out of state for grad school. I still think about ways I could have handled that better.
Had heart broken? Well, three major ones off the top of my head, so I’m overdue for some good karma. Oh, and I’m 35, female, and single.
I’ve broken so many hearts, too many to count, probably dozens I’m not even aware of, men I’ve never even met who have by chance caught a glimpse of me, and now their whole worlds are turned inside out.
The first was my first serious boyfriend. We were on and off for five years. He wouldn’t commit and I finally met someone else and didn’t come back after our last breakup. Of course, he then decided he’d loved me all along. We stayed friends, though, for the next eleven years. He never did have a serious relationship again. He died in '91. Damn.
The second was the guy I dated after #1. He really liked me, but then he made the mistake of introducing me to the guy he worked with that played guitar. He thought maybe I’d learn a few things from him.
Twenty-three years later, he’s still teaching me stuff!
I had my heart broke by #1 a few times too, and there was a “crush” situation, which I’ll leave undated, that really hurt although we’re still good friends.
Badly cracked at least one. He had a horrible crush. (And aren’t those fun until they run their course?) I was a casual friend at best who all of sudden got idealized–and wasn’t remotely interested in romance in any way, shape or form. He just caught a virulent strain of the romance virus. It was exquisitely painful for him while it lasted, and disconcerting for me. Sad all the way around.
Thanks to insights gained on this board (thanks, guys!), I realized very belatedly that I may have blindly, inadvertantly hurt–badly–a couple of guy friends/wannabe lovers. Swear to God, their shy clues and signals sailed right past me, and that hurts me now. Fair’s fair. They were genuine friends so I don’t know why or how I completely missed what was going on inside them. Honest hearts I didn’t know well at all.
Sigh. Broken hearts mend–they really do–and grow stronger and wiser. But it’s somehow uniquely horrible to have caused it, even innocently, or just ignorantly.
Broken: two, possibly three if the aforementioned was a mutual breaking. I think it was, but the very manner in which mine was broken made it pretty clear my perception and judgment of her was…not entirely in accordance with reality.
Aside from that, a handful of hearts that I didn’t break so much as mildly bend.
Thanks for all the heartfelt responses, everyone. This is good stuff, and exemplifies a lot of why I love the board.
If anyone’s interested, the gal called this evening, and when I got off work I went and met her for a drink. I was afraid, of course, that I’d show up and get my face slapped, but it went really well, and I think that someday, a few months down the line, we may be able to be friends again.
Didn’t want to let this slip by without a response.
ck, this guy didn’t die from a broken heart. He (and you) may have thought that was the cause, but ultimately he chose to take his life with his own hands. He romanticized a Shakesperean way out and unfortunately followed it through to it’s grisly end. Don’t let him rule your love life from beyond. Sorry if this sounds preachy but I’ve had something very similar happen to me once.
calm kiwi please don’t say that, it is too sad for words even after something so tragic. I hope time heals and somebody proves you wrong.
Been broken: Not just battered but broken, twice. But I fear a third may be looming if I am reading the signals correctly…Xmas visit to SO in Singapore Xmas looks like a make or break event. Or maybe a break or pospone break event…we have two more years on different continents.
Doing the breaking: none, so far as I am aware. They were sad for a bit, they got over it.
I broke one heart of someone that I was involved with for a long time and it also broke my heart to do that and it took a couple of years for us to fully break up as well and let go of each other and I had a lot of guilt breaking up with him. After that I kind of felt like I would never put myself in that position again. I am not including guys that I’ve had any type of relationship besides being friends and they wanting more and me not being able to offer that for whatever reason because I have no idea if I broke their heart.
Ive had my heart broken I’d say twice. The one above and my last exboyfriend.