How Many Hot Buttons Can You Count In This Story?

From The Boston Globe, this saga of the downtrodden rising up against officialdom’s oppression:

  1. Parking in a no parking area – check.
  2. Doing it with an SUV, a Hummer, no less – check.
  3. In pursuit of overhyped, overpriced designer coffee – check.
  4. Assaulting an underpaid person in a shitty job for doing what she’s suuposed to – check.

Oh, and the guy is 6 foot 2 while the woman is described as “small-framed”. And besides, he was only parked there for a moment!

So, here he is, folks, Francois Youhanna, crusading rebel against the jackbooted oppression of authority. Isn’t he something?

Oh, I almost forgot the obligatory Pitriol:

May rqabid llamas with end-state syphilis piss in his Starbucks double latte.

…and stand about in a circle, glowering threateningly, until he downs it…
[Monty]
Cuidado, Cuidado, Cuidado, Cuidado…son poxed llamas!..
[/Monty]

Since when is hot cofee a deadly weapon?

I take it you never drank any Starbucks coffee? :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m a little surprised they didn’t call it a destructive device. Those Boston bureaucrats have let themselves fall behind on the latest legal lingo.

Boston, Boston, Boston, whining about some random crank assaulting a meter maid… Here in NYC, our State Senators assault traffic agents, then demand apologies!

Buncha amateurs.

I don’t get it. In the first part it sounds like you’re lambasting the driver and at the end you seem to be making the point that the meter maid is ‘the man’ and bringing the driver down.

And all the ‘hot button’ items are perfectly legitimate for the who, what, where, when, how, why of the story. And their stuff the reporter can put in to be easily pulled if space demands.

My take on ETF’s last sentence was an expression full of sarcasm. Mebbe I’m wrong.

I think she’s Pitting the slant of the story, which is not overdone but is definitely slightly less than totally objective. Not that I disagree with the slant! – but the point (IMO) is that the story was written from a less-than-unbiased stance. Their relative sizes, his driving a Hummer and stopping in a no-parking area in front of a Starbuck’s – all factual but not essential to the basic story: Man hurls hot coffee at parking EO for giving him a ticket, and all together add up to portray him in a negative light. Although honestly, if I were writing the story I’d have probably done it the same way.

Just wanted to point out that Starbucks charges 75 cents extra if you want syphilitic llama piss in your latte.

Dammit!

But it is non-fat half-caff syphilitic llama piss, right?

Yeah, and they foam it.

People, people, let’s go with the obvious – I was Pitting the asshole driver. It amused me that so many hot-button topics were rolled up into one story. After all, how many Pit threads have we seen where people go off on SUV drivers, no-parking-zone parkers, jerks with a massive case of entitlement assholery, and so forth?

But the essence of the Pitting is that the driver is a stupid thug. He broke the law, got caught, and escalated a minor infraction into a felony assault. The “jackbooted oppression” stuff was blatant sarcasm, and I’ve been trying to wean myself off of smilies lately, or I’d have been flinging :rolleyes: all over the damned thread.

Polycarp, my dumpling, if you think the Boston Globe story was a bit slanted, well… that’s the local respectable (if somewhat liberal-leaning) broadsheet newspaper. You want slanted, take a look at our dear little tabloid, the Boston Herald, whose article on the story (good for a huge front-page headline) has a darling photo of an enraged Mayor Menino as an added goodie.

Oh, and El Kabong, the llama piss goes for $1.25 extra if you include the rabies.

Don’t ask how.

re:the foam

Before or after it comes out of the llama?

  1. He’s got a name that sounds like “France”.
    Hang 'im!

This is the most I’ve ever laughed at Straight Dope without being drunk.

This story is indeed impressive, but it lacks two important elements:
-cigarettes
-cellular phone