Let me start this by saying I don’t mean this as a slam against anyone. I was just wondering, 'cause I was reading a lot of bios on famous people and a lot of them I read seem to be married about three times or more. Seems like the first marriage is about 5 years, then the second one is shorter, then the third one lasts the longest.
Now I’m a gay male so it doesn’t really matter to me, but I was thinking after I got divorced for the second time, I’d probably just give up on marriage and just live with the other person.
I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this. Would you get married only a certain number of times, and then just say “OK, marriage isn’t for me.” Or would you marry as many times as it felt right? Or somewhere in between?
I dunno - I like to think that as you say, after two I’d just throw in the towel and decide the marriage scene wasn’t for me, but then maybe if I met some fabulous guy after that… hard to say.
My mom has been married, and divorced, three times, and is working on obtaining her official Church annulment (she’s Catholic) so that she can go for number four. I admit I often privately think to myself, “Maybe you should just stop with the hat trick,” but whatever, it’s her life. And I do like her new boyfriend, so, whatever.
Straight female here, and … I dunno. I know a LOT of plain old working class/middle class folks of all ages who get married two or three times. It’s like the women can’t be without a man legally attached, the men need someone to do the errands and housework and handle the kids. These second and third marriages aren’t grand passions, finally finding “the right one” - they seem to come about out of convenience, for companionship. Living together is all right, but who moves into whose house? What happens when the relationship goes bad? I’ve seen very messy situations (yes, I know marriages that go bad are worse, but getting rid of the live-in is its own special piece of hell, seen it play out.)… Myself? Been married over 20 years, and it’s been OK, but if I found myself widowed, I can’t say I’d want to get married again! My mom was widowed 15 years ago and frankly, she was never happier living alone (but then she’s like me, a quiet loner with lots of hobbies and occupations to keep us busy). This is shallow, but I wouldn’t want to get married to some old geezer my age, one foot in the grave, just to be able to work the words “my husband” into a conversation. … If the old geezer looked like my celebrity crushes (Sting, Johnny Depp, Kevin Sorbo, Alan Rickman) maybe I’d reconsider! Otherwise, I’d be the crazy old cat lady at the end of the block, who was left comfortably off by her late husband, god rest his soul…
And it seems celebrity marriages are often just for ‘show’. You don’t see many stars getting married to the secretary or garage mechanic, they feel compelled to hook up with another star on their level. The public likes to see that, and the publicity value for both rise dramatically.
I’ve been married for 27 years. I’m almost 57. Should my husband die before I do, the chances of me marrying again are pretty slim. Nor is it something I feel I’ll *have *to do to survive financially. If it happens, fine. If not, fine. I have no objection to remarriage, altho serial brides/grooms do make me wonder. But for me, honestly, I can’t see me marrying again.
I’ve been with the same man for 30 years, married for almost 20 of those. If he disappeared tomorrow I would be in no hurry to marry again.
I say that not because marriage has been awful (it hasn’t, I’m very lucky) or because he’s my one and only (though I love him, I would have no problem having fun with other men if I were single again). I’ve just learned over the years that I LIKE being on my own, I like my peace and quiet, and I’m selfish enough to not really want to schedule my time around another person if I don’t have to.
Well i definitely only plan on getting married once, but if something happened and that had to end sooner than expected i think i would get married as many times as it took to get right. . . But i also won’t just marry someone on a whim (just because they ask, doesn’t mean you have to say yes) And i want to make sure that both sides are actually in love and marriage is something that will last if not forever but for a long time!! I don’t really get the whole point in marriage all it is, is a piece of paper that legally ties you to another person (For as long as you both shall live) or until the love just dies out!!! I would definitely get married as many times as it took to get it right but i’d have to set some kind of limit, i think there should be a max amount of times one should be allowed to get married because after that it’s just old and repetitive. . . If you’ve been married like 10 times then just give up and live with the person there is no need to spend that much money between getting married over and over to getting divorced over and over. . .
Don’t have quite the same amount of time invested in him, but this is pretty accurate. I’ve already decided that if something were to happen, I’d leave the state and start over, by myself. North Carolina perhaps. My fantasy state was Montana, then Wisconsin, then I pulled my head out of my rear and realized “winters suck, move south, numbnuts!”
Funny you say that about moving, I was just ruminating on this yesterday. Everywhere we’ve lived post-college has been for his job. We’re in TN at the moment, and it’s ok. But if I were suddenly on my own and not destitute, where would I go? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t stay here, but I have too many places that I’d like to move to. I doubt I’ll ever have to make that decision (I hope not any time soon anyway!), but it does make for fun winter dreaming
Took me three times to finally get it right. After two I swore I was done and “marriage isn’t for me.” There is something different when it works. Nice to be happy. I’d recommend people keep an open mind and see what happens.
I voted for ‘twice’. Like the adage “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” I’ll give you a pass the first time around, but the second time you should really know what you’re getting into and what to look out for ahead of time. If not you’re either a slow learner or marriage just isn’t for you.
I feel like I can’t answer this question because I don’t have sufficient information. My mother has been married and divorced four times, and every time she says ‘‘no more’’ she ends up getting married again and the same issues crop up inevitably. Obviously I don’t want that to happen for me.
I feel like I minimized the odds of that by setting really high standards for the man I did marry and working very hard to keep it together. I don’t anticipate that we are ever going to divorce, but I also recognize that shit happens and you never know. But if I did lose him, I don’t know what the circumstances would be surrounding that loss so I don’t feel equipped to decide if I should or shouldn’t marry again. It depends on if I contributed to the problem. If I did, I think I could be reasonably confident marrying someone and working on my own behaviors that led my first marriage down a rocky road. But if it failed again? I’d start to question my own judgment in men. I really don’t know what I would do then.
I am on my second marriage, this one has been going on for 20 years this upcoming feb. I prefer to be married to just living together. Married seems more permanent, like an intention to stay together and work on problems instead of giving up and bailing out. [First marriage was really just wrong for both of us,w e were better friends than spouses and broke up before it got nasty.]
Well, I’ve been married and divorced twice and for a long time thought I’d never get married again. But I’ve been through therapy and have read a lot about marriage and feel like if I met the right person, I might be able to get it right next time. So I voted for three. But if number three didn’t work out, that would be it.