How do you make a lifetime commitment that so many others cannot make work? (Keep in mind for whatever reason it didn’t happen the first time around)
How can you devote your life completely to another person?
(You thought the first time it was for keeps what makes the second time seem more realistic)
I would think the lessons learned after the first time would make one think they’d be successful the second time…
What I wonder more about is the blind optimism that makes people marry a fifth time!
My brother was very, very gunshy after the total disaster of his first marriage. Of course, he should never have married that psychobitch in the first place, but she had two kids that were really great, and he loved them a lot.
He got married again last year. What made him do it? A lot of things, really. The realization that she’s not anything like his ex, for one thing. This is a woman who doesn’t lie to him, or manipulate him, or screw around on him, or otherwise treat him like shit. She’s a good and honorable person, and he can trust her. Almost as importantly, he’s not the same person he was when he got married the first time. He’s older and hopefully wiser and able to look at things more carefully and realistically.
Personally, I think they’ll make it. They’re good together. He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him.
I would’ve hoped to have learned something from the first circumstance.
I hope it works the second time around.
First marriage, 4 years.
Second marriage (two years in-between), 8 years and counting.
I went into the second marriage more aware of what a lifetime commitment requires of the couple (indivicually & as a unit). My second-wife was chosen with these things in mind. My experiences in that first marriage make me do things differently in this one. For example, I’m less likely to suppress my feelings & give in. I’m more confrontational (very difficult for me).
Yes, the first time was “forever”. Seemed like forever to me 
My friend Sheila has been married 4x already. She was going to counseling to prepare for #5 but got cold feet.
I would have given up by now!
I don’t get it.
I don’t believe anyone can. Why would anyone want to?
When the right person comes along, it is amazing what hoops you will jump through and how important that getting married is. It happened to me.
I was married twice before. I know what I did wrong and still wonder what I was thinking the second time. Ms. Owl was an friend of mine for 20 years and when we finally figured out that we should be married, we did, with a little work. Married for 4 years and still newlyweds. Maybe being older helped. We both finished growing up and had the same values. Maybe being friends helped. I just don’t know.
A friend of mine said, you know when it is right. I guess so.
We are really more realistic about what is going on. We both know the art of give and take. I think the best way to know is to ask, if you and your spouse are to be home all alone for a weekend without sex, would you, 1) kill each other, 2) talk, 3) drift to different ends of the house to do stuff you want to do. We have been talking for 4 years and haven’t run out of stuff yet.
Well if you think you can really do 2) talk forever without running out of stuff, I think you’ll find you’re out of luck. Mrs. Mercotan and I have been married over 20 years and together over 30 years. We enjoy a nice mix of 2) and 3). At least for us, we enjoy being separate fully functioning persons with our own unique interests in our own right, along with enjoying the time we choose to share together.
Not all marriages that end end because of divorce. For those whose spouse died, the commitment is less suspect, I should think. After all, many wedding vows include words to the effect of “…till death do us part” which is the escape clause. It doesn’t mean “never again.”