We’re free to make sweeping generalizing assessments about everybody if we wish, at times we’ll be right, at times we will be wrong. I also believe that most of us do it to some degree, with varying success.
I tend to be very careful about them, however. After working with ex offenders for 20+ years, I’ve had many, many ‘interesting’ encounters. Here’s a couple for you:
A. In the late 70’s, I was directed to go to the local airport and pick up a new client who was arriving from the Federal Pen via a plane. The **only ** thing I knew about her was her name. No age, no description at all. I watched the people exit the plane, walked up to a woman and asked “are you Linda?” yep. I selected her because of her mannerisms, she stood out like a sore thumb - she was the only passenger exiting the plane who looked up at the sky, and around in the air.
B. A few years ago, I had an appointment scheduled for a female. Around that time, two women entered my building. One was a small, white woman, dressed in a suit, the other was a larger black woman dressed in shorts and tshirt. I introduced myself, said “I assume one of you is so and so?” They laughed and admitted to me later that they assumed that I would assume that the convicted felon would be the minority woman, when in fact it was the white woman.
And, naturally, I’ve forgotten all of the times when my immediate assumptions about others were totally off the wall ( )
I clearly remember when one of my assumptions about a person was totally wrong.
I was working at a hotel at the time, and a very dirty-looking man dressed in ragged work clothes came in for a room. I quoted him a low price, assuming that he was somewhat short on funds, and mentioned the deposit we require for cash payment, because I assumed he wouldn’t have a credit card.
He asked for the government rate, and after telling him the price, asked to see I.D. He whipped out an FBI badge, and his I.D showed his picture . . . a very clean-cut young man in a dark suit. Stupidly, I blurted out “Damn, you sure clean up nicely.” He laughed, said that he got that all the time, and that he was doing an undercover investigation.
I do think you can get a “vibe” off of someone on first meeting them. A person shows themself through their demeanor and their face, and as much as we would like to be able to say we don`t judge people on their appearances, we HAVE to.
That said, I don`t think you can pinpoint someone by looking at them. But brief contact with them, and seeing them, will define your PERCEPTION of them. Which is, to you, how they ARE.
I think physical comportment is pretty important in knowing someone… why I have trouble over the internet.
I was just discussing this the other day, I have this uncanny knack to pin people down for what they really are around the first time i meet them. I am very rarely wrong if ever, My husband tells me I am a freak and he is sending me off to the circus LOL
Or, more likely, you are simply using your first impressionds to color the rest of your perceptions or else you end up being either cold or an ass to the people whom you do not like. Addittionally, your positive result bias is causing you to forget the people whom you could not accurately judge. I’m sorry, but you’re all talking out of your asses as far as being able to tell anything about anyone by merely glancing at them.
Face it, not everyone is born as beautiful or with the same facial structure as everyone else, and they cannot help what they are born with, the same as someone cannot help their race, sex, or sexual orientation. You simply cannot judge a person upon your first impression of how attractive they are, just the same as you cannot judge someone immediately upon their race, sex, or sexual orientation.
Someone really ought to do a controlled study on this by comparing the reaction of people to someones actions based upon how they look by comparing actions matched with different faces, compared to how people personify these faces.
On the 10% of occasions that I am wrong, I invariably end up “warming up” to someone I didn’t like at first glance, and it was someone who had at one time in their life (self admittedly) been an asshole, but I almost never start off liking someone and ending up being mortal enemies.
There are many people who train themselves to do ‘cold readings’. This practice allows a person to make judgements about a person from just looking at them. (Doctors, cops, and psychics all are trained to do this)
When you do it I am willing to bet that there are many factors that come into play that you aren’t even aware of. Perhaps the new person reminds you in some way of a person from your past that you like or dislike. Perhaps your current emotional state works it way in there. People frequently get the wrong first impression of me. Actually 99% of the time people get the wrong first impression of me.
Lets look at your story about the new manager.
You first encounter him walking around with the owner. You mention that the owner dosen’t introduce him to anyone.
These are you only comments about the owner except the inference that the idea to replace the current people was unwise. I think you probably didn’t like the owner and seeing this guy with him lost him points right there. Also changes at a work place like this usually have some foreshadowing. You obivously liked the guy about to be fired and it would be natural to feel some animosity on the new guy.
Of course the way things went after that had to be all his fault. I mean all the workers put out 100% for this guy. None of them held a grudge. All of his new ideas were given a fair trial. And the unfounded sexual harrassment suit surely didn’t affect him in any way.
And I am sure you had lunch with him of some other one on one face time to really talk to him and find out his real personality.
In aswere to the op…people can’t tell squat by just looking at me.
A friend and I have talked to each other about this before. Generally, we follow similar rules when it comes to first encountering and observing a new person.
Shoes
When it comes to a person’s shoes, I look at the condition of the shoes moreso than the type or brand. The condition of a person’s shoes speaks mountains about their personality most of the time, except for extreme cases such as the owner accidently tripping into a pool of mud or stepping on a bed of nails.
Jewelry
Specifically, I look at their left hand to see if they have a wedding band. I also look to see if they wear a lot of jewelry. To me, an excessive amount is anything more than 5 rings on both hands, more than one necklace, any number of bracelets, and anything more than 2 earrings. I tend to not like people who wear excessive amounts of jewelry. The amount of jewelry signifies their obsession with materialism and appearance.
Hair
Like the condition of a person’s shoes, a person’s hair maintenance also shows what a person is like.
So, if you like exactly half of the people you meet, a mere 1 in 5 has a chance of overcoming your initial misconceptions if they really truly are likeable people? And the people you like can simply do no wrong? Could explain some of your reactions to the firing of some of your colleagues. That might qualify you as some sort of asshole…
Seriously, who has not been an asshole at some point in their life?
BTW, what’s your initial impression of me, based solely upon my writing?
Hint: I’m a bad person, pure demon-spawn
Chalking another one up for successful first impressions?
You must be a chick. No man would ever judge another person by their shoes. I’m curious as to what exactly this bullshit tells you about a person, other than their fashion sense. Does it tell you if they are smart? funny? nice? successful? Bill Gates outwardly looks like a dork and he’s the richest man in the world.
Looking at someones choice of clothing and grooming does not tell you anything about a persons values, beliefs, and other personal characteristics (unless that clothing consists of a white sheet with a pointy hat). I was in a fraternity and we let in three guys based on similar criteria: one because he was on the baseball team, another because his father was in the fraternity, and the third because he was really big and tall (we figured he’d be good at sports). The first guy ended up being an anal-retentive dork, the second was a anti-social psycho, and the third was not only a big pussy, he was later blackballed from every Big-5 professional services firm. The moral is that if you base decisions about people based on outward experience or other superficial crap, you pretty much get screwed when they turn out to be a freak.
On the other hand, I had a weird feeling about these guys from the minute I met them. Subtle body language does tell you a lot about a persons inner workings. Their shoes told me jack-shit.
Happy scientific finding: most people are usually easily fooled by wrong signs and signals. Therefore it is usually not really possible to ‘read’ people with any confidence without much training and practice.
Sad scientific finding: most people believe that they can ‘read’ other people easily, do so, and make errors that range from embarrassing to downright dangerous.
For instance there is good research to show that interviewers make up their mind about a person’s suitability for a job before asking the first formal question.
There is good evidence to show that using a few minor mannerisms can cause the majority of people to assume that you are crazy. These signs are deeply embedded in our unconscious and act automatically. They apply to signs in many areas other than madness.
The best example I know is that if you purposely divert your gaze during a conversation from the eye area, a few inches away to the ear area, people will be so put off that they will be unable to follow a conversation; if they do not have further information about you they will probably assume that you are mentally ill or retarded or criminal! Try it! I use it as a demonstration of how minimal signs need to be to transfer massive amounts of information.
just skimmed through the posts…sorry if I’m repeating
Overall, I agree that you can’t always judge the book by the cover, but I do wonder about one’s personality eventually being written into facial wrinkles as they age (e.g., smile/frown lines). I can think of some examples, but like David B said, maybe I’m just remembering the ‘hits’ and ignoring the ‘misses’. I certainly haven’t studied this subject.
Second, there is of course, body language that can be read and used as a rough guess at someone’s personality. But there ain’t no predicting their future.
But, Scylla, I’m about 300 pounds, unkept, look down a lot, have a closed face, and doesn’t tend to look people in the eye, but I don’t think I’m miserable or self-centered. Maybe I am, I don’t know, but I don’t think so.
Part of the problem is, when you see someone and judge them based on a first impression, their actions, from then on will be judged by the impression you’ve already made. If you decide somebody’s unlikeable, then you’ll be more likely to notice the unlikeable traits in their personality and less likely to notice the likeable ones.
You are wrong, my nubian brother. And do not be quick to assume I am something I’m not. I am a guy AND I do look at people’s shoes to get an idea about what they are like. I did not say this was a 100% way of understanding what a person is like.
For future reference, look up the term “flaming” and make sure you don’t get in the habit of doing so.
Not to agree or disagree with the OP, just presenting an idea for thought. It’s happened to me a couple of times that I met someone who I had some history with (went to high school with, etc.), and was able to talk with them about the past events. It has always amazed me how completely differently they perceived shared memories. We never know what’s going on in someone else’s head; we have very little idea how the signals we’re sending are being received; we receive a vibe, we send out a vibe, and neither party has any idea if the receptor is getting the right message or not. Just something to keep in mind when meeting new people.
Wow. A very interesting thread. Just a couple of quick observations:
With regard to Thea Logica’s manager, and other sorts of first impressions: of course you can come to some conclusions about a person based on their appearence and mannerisms within the first few seconds of meeting them (IMHO). A person’s choice of clothing, hair style, use of body language and so forth, are all communications. Ususally, a few of these impressions turn out to be correct, while others are either projections or bad guesses. How many are correct must vary from situation to situation, but I wouldn’t be at all suprised to discover that some people have a kind of “knack” for sensing another person’s inner qualities. And there are those whose “gestalt” sticks out like a sore thumb if one has the “eyes” to see it – I’m guessing your bad manager was someone like that.
A.Pjen’s strange “scientific findings” seem self-contradictory. If people can be “missled” or “fooled” by “wrong signs and signals,” it would stand to reason that given the right “signs and signals” they would be able to make accurate judgements – wouldn’t it? Were you referring to a specific study here?
*B.*
– would seem to indicate that “massive” amounts of information can be transmitted through very small, subtle expressions of body posturing and such. Which would of course again indicate that it’s possible to make accurate readings of people based on brief first impressions, contrary to what you claim.
Shoes: this is definately not the first time I’ve heard this. One of my former girlfriends used to swear by the “shoe-evaluation” method – in fact, she made it sound as if it was common knowledge among certain women. I began to feel a bit paranoid: was I the victim of some kind of strange “shoe conspiracy?” Were women secretly checkin’ out my loafers and counting the scratch-marks? Interestingly enough, the only male friend I’ve known who also strongly advocated judging people by their shoes was one of the most successful pick-up artists I’ve ever met as well. He seemed to have an uncanny sense of perceiving exactly what women were looking for…
I get prisoners sent to my workshop all the time and you have to be able to get some idea of how to make the best approach.
With some you just steam right in and say everything as orders but with others you just say “This is the job, have a go and let me know if you have any trouble”
With some you almost have to hold their had as you show them how to use a screwdriver for its intended purpose, each and every one is differant but you just get a feel for it.
I usually let them into the workshop and leave them be for half an hour, see who they mix with and who they avoid, that tells a whole lot about them.
I’ve had some come in who have a stereotypical attitude to me as a member of staff and often they will come back saying how they had chaged their opinion of me. Their reasoning was faulty and it takes them a while to realsie it.
Many black and Asian inmates come in with a persecution complex, sometimes quite justified but once they realsie that they will be treated in exactly the same way as all the others they nearly always come around to my way of doing things.
I’ve seen some of the biggest ugliest looking things come into the shop and it turns out to be completely the opposite, convicted of checkbook fraud.
Mnay inmates experience being assessed on appearance alone and are good actors as a result. I find it best to start off in a neutral manner and wait to see what turns up.
Some are complete a##holes but become human when they come off the drugs.
Judging by appearance is fraught with problems, get it wrong and you could have a real bad time.
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