In your view what percentage of interactions actually directly involves the person on the receiving end of the interaction?
For example, if when you were a kid the police mistreated you then you will probably hate all police officers after that. A policeman who has never done anything to you will earn your wrath.
Another example is that many people seem to hate in others what they hate in themselves. If they hate their own weaknesses they will hate them in others as well. However this has nothing to do with the other person.
Another example is someone’s mindset at the time. Someone who is pissed about a bad day at work will take it out on his wife even though she had nothing to do with it. Someone who has a good day will be nicer than average.
Plus alot of people don’t actually communicate, they just wait for their turn to talk about themselves.
I would say about 30% actually involves the other person, the other 70% is stuff like prejudices, projections, past experiences, temperment and disinterest.
70% seems quite high an estimate. Surely a person’s past shapes their present, but I think you give too little credit to the average person’s ability and willingness to adapt to the present, plan for the future, and overcome their past; not to mention give the benefit of the doubt.
Hating all police officers because one kicked your ass as a kid is just pure ignorance. Are you suggesting that 70% of everyone’s daily interactions are based on over-broad generalizations, ignorance, and no ability to judge individuals individually?
To point number 2, again I think you over-generalize when you say “many” people hate in others what they hate within themselves. Come to think of it, I’d venture to say that most people don’t hate anything about themselves at all.
What percentage of people do you think transfer their own outlooks onto everyone around them and then get mad about what jerks they all are?
I think 70% is quite a low estimate. I see people treat others like shit who has never did anything bad to them, all day and every day.
But, I agree that I don’t think it is that common for people to hate in others what they hate within themselves. What about the misogynists that hate women? The bra-burning feminists that hates men? The racists that hates other races? Smart people who hate dumb people? Poor people who hate rich people?
Wes, I would like to add another category to your list…people who hate other people for the sole reason that they might get in their way of achieving goals.
It may start out at 70% in general but for any interaction that continues, that perception may be adjusted based on the real experience with that unique individual.
Do you just mean that “hate” is too strong a word, or that most people are happy with themselves?
I meant that hate is too strong a word, yes. Everyone has things about themselves that they don’t like or would like to change, except maybe the narcissists.
True, but how much of that is related to past experiences and not just the person being in a hurry? Or a natural jerk?
I think 70% is an incredibly high estimate. Surely we are what our past has made us, but to say that almost three full quarters of our daily interactions are based on our own biases and preconceived notions describes an incredible amount of ignorant behavior.
I think we use our personal history to reach broad conclusions as part of a first impression, but I find it hard to believe that there are many people out there who, even half of the time, continue to judge every person around them by historic precedent and not on a case by case basis.
Not that there aren’t those people, racists and sexists and other -ists come to mind, but are those people in the majority? I’m a terrible cynic, but even I have trouble buying that one.