I’m getting married in September, and I’ve already told my friends that are strapped that I’d be happy just to have them, and it’s 100% true. The shoe’s been on the other foot way too many times, and I’m not one of those Bridezillas that think the world should revolve around me that day, or that the ceremony and reception somehow testify to the world that I have above par taste.
In any kind of situation like that where you’re trying to be proper and maintain a friendship, just make sure you’re doing what you feel the bride expects. It’s nobody’s else’s business.
$315 is reasonable for a bridesmaid dress? I had my bridesmaids buy their own dresses (I selected color, they selected style, as long as it was long) so I don’t know how much they paid, but I hope it wasn’t that much! From what I saw when I looked at the companies’ websites, I thought most of those generic bridesmaid dress companies had dresses for about $100, with up to $200 for very nice dresses. It’s been awhile (well, two years) so I could be remembering incorrectly.
I went to a wedding on the west coast once, while living on the east coast. The tickets alone cost me and my husband $1400. Where did you get a cross-country ticket for only $300?!
I had to run a search to make sure I wasn’t misremembering, but Manchester NH to Seattle has run me about $350. That’s if I know far enough in advance, which for a formal wedding I assume I would.
Lord. I hope I never have friends that high-maintenance.
I feel bad for resenting the cost of being a bridesmaid in the wedding I’m going to this Friday, really, because I won’t even approach half of what you paid. When I first read your post, I thought you were just being extravagant with all the new outfits, underwear, expensive gifts, etc., but I guess in some circles that’s really just what’s expected. That doesn’t mean it’s not ridiculous, but I can understand not wanting to be the cheapo that sticks out like a sore thumb in a group of people you actually care about.
I guess I’m lucky that the bride’s going with a tacky chain store for the dresses, we can pick our own shoes, hair, makeup, and all that… I spent about $175 on the dress and $20(!!) on a pair of white sandally heels that I’ll actually wear after this. I couldn’t go to the rehearsal dinner because I’m out of town and couldn’t get off work, but if I had I probably would’ve worn something nice that I already had. I still haven’t gotten them a present yet, but I doubt it’ll be off the registry, as I feel that’s pretty impersonal for close friends. I’m thinking about a nice set of bar glasses, because they both like to drink, and that’s something they’d remember… probably won’t cost more than $100-150, and I’ll be splitting it with my girlfriend. I don’t factor cost-per-guest into the equation when deciding on gifts at all. I just get them something I can afford and know that they’ll appreciate, regardless.
I really think it’s kind of weird to expect to get an equal return on what you spend on a guest for your wedding. It’s like, if you really want all the money you spend to translate into useable goods, why don’t you just go spend 50 grand on freakin’ useable goods? It’s fucked up to be sitting there judging your family and friends on the contributions they made to your party.
If you want a bridesmaid’s perspective that your friends and family will never tell you, I’ve looked up my threads about my sister’s recent wedding for you - The dress debacle and I’m sick to death of my sister’s wedding. I don’t want to say that being in her bridal party has changed our relationship forever, but it’s going to be a long time before I forget it. I am still quite angry about the whole thing, and would have declined being in her bridal party had I known what a tremendous pain in the ass it was going to be. My sister avowed daily that she wasn’t a Bridezilla either; she just wanted things the way she wanted them, when she wanted them, with very little regard for the individual nature of the people in her bridal party.
I don’t mean this to accuse you or any other future bride reading this of being a Bridezilla - just that brides get caught up and don’t realize how they are coming across to other people who are very reluctant to call them on it due to the circumstances.
Every time I have been a bridesmaid, the bride selected “inexpensive,” generic gowns priced under $150. And, each time, I paid another $150 to have them altered. The brides all thought they were being so reasonable and thoughtful, but they did not consider the expense of alterations. So all my “cheap” bridesmaid dresses cost $300+.
I’d say that the OP got off easy spending only $315, given the expectations of her social set.
I’m getting married in January. I’ve picked out a style of dress that costs about 160, but advised my bridesmaids (who are currently 3000 miles away from me) to use their discresion and buy something that matches, that they like and that they’ll wear again. If they want to deviate too much from the style or color, call me first. If they find matching shoes, great. If not, as long as they are happy, no one’s going to see them anyway.
As for travel, we’re springing for tickets for two of the attendants as they are in school and it only seems right. One of them lives near-by and the other will be around for the holidays and if not her father has tons of frequent flier miles (he travels several times a week) so I’m not worried about her. The two that are coming in from out of town are staying at our apartment.
I might take my attendants to the beauty school across the street that does good work and is offering manicure, pedicure, make up and up do for 40 dollars a person. Or we might do it ourselves.
People can give us whatever they please (unless it’s orange) and we’ll be happy.
Than being said, for my friends, whatever they wanted that I could afford, I would do. As it is their day and their relatives are most likely making the day as difficult as possible.
Pah. I had one attendant (courthouse wedding); I took her shopping to buy her a nice dress of her choosing for the wedding, something she could wear again; she didn’t find anything she liked, so she just wore something nice that she already had. (Mine cost something like $65, and yes, I did wear it a few more times [it’s red with black trim :)]. I’d like to fit into it again someday.)
It’s really obscene what people (think they have to) spend on weddings these days. It’s ONE FRICKIN’ DAY. And it sure seems like too often the amount of cash spent on the wedding is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent on considering the marriage.
Hear, hear. Or as I say, they’re confusing the Wedding with the Marriage. The wedding is just a symbolic reflection of the marriage: it’s not the important part.
I travelled from Moscow to Scotland for a good friend’s wedding, which cost a lot more than I would have spent on a gift.
She was fine with the idea that I would be spending all my money on the ticket and hotels. And she said she’d rather have me at the wedding than have a gift.
Thank goodness people I know don’t get married often. The travelling would bankrupt me.