Should I tell my father I slept with my stepmom? This is an extremely creepy Dear Prudence advice column about a man who had an affair with his stepmom when he was 17 that lasted till college and a little bit afterward. Now stepmom is using this as a bargaining chip in the divorce (the dad found out she had an affair with another man–not the son, dad still doesn’t know about that).
Prudence says:
Given that he was 17, it’s obviously not as sickening than if she seduced a prepubescent child, but having sex with your husband’s 17 year old son when you’re married and then blackmailing him over it is all kinds of wrong. Being that she’s his stepmom she does have some authority over him, but I guess at seventeen, you can say no, plus he does admit to being attracted.
At what point do you have the responsibility to just say no? Obviously, I think asking or initiating an affair with a stepchild is always wrong, but can the stepson abdicate all responsibility?
Prudie talks about the dad being angry…basically, I’m wondering, at what point are you allowed to just be angry at your son and at what point is it just something bad that happened to them? This depends on a lot of factors–age and how much they wanted it and how much of an aggressor the stepparent was, I’m sure…but as a parent, how would you react (hypothetically if you have no kids)?
17 is probably old enough to know not to fool around with married women, especially your stepmother. However, the son is not the first nor the last 17 year old to make a bad decision. I hope the father will be able to forgive him.
Somewhat off topic, but Prudie’s advice was less than optimal. I would suggest the son speak directly with the father’s lawyer and relay the blackmail story. The lawyer may be able to use the information and keep the father uninformed. If the father does need to be told, the news can be presented with the lawyer present – much better than a random busboy.
He’s was a legal minor when they started to have sex but may have been past the age of consent for his state. What’s the statute of limitations for statutory rape in his state?
With those answers, he may have his own weapon to make this woman go far, far away.
Apparently it continued off and on until he was at least 21. When would you expect it to be his responsibility to break it off for reasons other than “the attraction waned?”
(I agree about speaking to the lawyer first. Skeeviness is not a crime, but extortion is.)
According to this article, though, the fact that he continued after the age of majority doesn’t mean that his step-mother may not be prosecutable for the crime.
Yeah, that’s pretty much how I read it. I think it’d be different if it was a case of a stepparent doing something where there was no attraction. Or where they were much younger. A step parent who sleeps with their stepkids is still skeevey, but I think some are skeevier and more immoral than others.