don’t fight the hypothetical -
how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck COULD chuck wood?
Its not implied that a wood chuck can chuck, should chuck or even would chuck, but if the woodchuck was inclined to chuck and could chuck, just how much wood would the wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck, in fact, chucked wood.
Now of course, we all know the answer is quite simple, really
A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck IF a woodchuck could chuck wood.
I’m not!
I’m perfectly willing to imagine an alternate universe where a woodchuck could, in fact, chuck wood.
And I’m asserting that, even in such a universe, a woodchuck WOULD not chuck wood.
Now if you were to ask, how much wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, that would be a different story. I imagine such a woodchuck could chuck a fair amount of wood, although he would still be limited by small limbs and a sub-optimal body profile. But, that’s not the question that was asked.
I’m not sure that the quantity or quality of wood that a woodchuck would chuck has been specified, just questioned that if it did chuck, how much would be chucked, which would be as much as he could chuck.
Might be one splinter - might be a forest - but it would be ‘as much’ as he could chuck, if he was so inclined to actually chuck.
If a woodchuck that could chuck wood refused to chuck wood, would other woodchucks be required to chuck more wood than normal woodchucks chuck?
It makes me infinitely happier to imagine a woodchuck tossing wood around merrily than just gnawing at it. And of course, this woodchuck that I imagine is much happier as well.
<turns off the cold shower and goes back to reading Proust>
Marcel Proust ne marche pas.
L’écriture est le travail!
If a woodchuck chucked wood in a forest and there was no one to hear it does it make a sound?
Another point to ponder
If a woodchuck chucks wood at Schrödinger’s cat does the cat get angry or does the wood just cover up the corpse?
If you have an iPhone, Siri knows the answer.
The question itself implies that woodchucks do not chuck wood. And it does not ask how much wood COULD they chuck, just how much WOULD they chuck. So if they CAN actually chuck wood (that is, are physically capable of it), doesn’t that imply that they are currently chucking as much as they would? My guess is that they could chuck some wood, since they can chuck earth…
All this leads up to the only logical answer: “none”
It’s like the question “if YOU could eat wood, how much wood WOULD you eat.” The answer is none, because I COULD eat wood, but I choose not to.
How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored? --Bill Watterson
Would those boards be measured in cords? Which brings us back to wood.
You’re the first person I’ve seen other than my family who knew that answer.
How much dope could a straight doper dope if a straight doper could dope dope?
According to SIRI, the answer to “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?” is: exactly 42 cords.
Just have to add:
Now that that’s settled, let’s move on to a variation on the theme from Walt Kelly’s classic comic strip, “Pogo”: How much ground round would a hound dog hog if a ground hog was ground round?
See Post #17. 
Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting thousands of unsifted thistles, thrust thrice three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.