How Not To Turn Into a Parking Lot

Here’s a little advice for certain motorists: When you turn from a busy street into a parking lot, try getting out of the fucking way instead of stopping and blocking the goddamned driveway while you look for a space, in case someone behind you needs to get into the same lot. Then, when you do finally get into the parking lot, find a space and pull the fuck into it instead of sitting in the middle of the aisle waiting for someone to pull out. Waiting for someone to leave is OK if you leave enough room for people to pull past you. Waiting for someone to leave is not OK if you are blocking the entire motherfucking aisle, bringing all traffic in the lot to a halt. By the way, you can usually get where you’re going faster if you just take the first available space and then walk, instead of waiting for someone to pull out of a closer space. Of course, then you’d have to propel your lazy ass with your muscles instead of polluting the atmosphere with more exhaust, but that’s a whole 'nother thread.

I’d hate to turn into a parking lot. People parking on my head, damned kids skateboarding on my ass, and winos pissing in my…

Oh, I see what you mean. Absolutely, right on. Hate the motherfuckers who block up an aisle waiting for a spot. Also, the guy in the SUV who wants to fucking BACK IN to the space for NO FUCKING DISCERNIBLE REASON, even when it’s a FUCKING ANGLED SLOT AND A ONE-WAY LANE SO ALL YOU’RE DOING IS HOLDING UP OTHERS SO YOU CAN BE POINTED THE WRONG WAY ASSHOLE.

I feel a bit better. Thanks.

I’d like to add:

Do not turn in to the parking lot
in the lane with the big signs reading
“exit only.”


Do not go down
a narrow parking lane
when the arrow is pointing against you.

This happened once with my friend driving. We’re trying to get down a lane while these guys - who had backed into their space for some reason - decided to leave their space heading toward us - against the arrow.

“Well, I can understand why they did that,” he remarked. “‘Arrow’ isn’t easy to understand.”

Mind if I expand the OP a little bit?

I know it’s standard. I know it’s traditional. I know it’s easier. But why the hell do people have to STOP in the middle of the fucking street for no discernible reason, causing me to stop not too far behind them (this is city traffic, there is no such thing as tailgating if I can still see your taillights), then realize that they want to BACK into a parallel parking space at the curb. A space which is now right beside ME, who has been, in turn, pulled up upon by a line of cars which are now inescapably trapped in stasis until YOU realize that you’re not going to squeeze your 5 foot wide vehicle between me and the parked car beside YOU?

What, jayjay, they should go into parallel parking space front-first? It doesn’t work that way.

What they should do is use a turn signal to let you know they’ll be pulling into the space, and that way you’ll know to go around or back off and give them room.

Damn you, cricetus - I just shot beer out of my nose and over my keyboard.

                                                                                                                              **jayjay**, you are a total :wally

Hey! My first Wally!


I’m not saying that nobody should ever back into a parking space. What I’m saying is that it would be awfully nice if the person doing so would give some indication that that’s their intention before causing a total traffic cock-up.

Oh yeah. And then they don’t even park well, but they’re totally over the line. Aargh.

When turning into a parking lot entrance from a busy street, don’t slam on your brakes halfway through the turn because there’s a slight (usually not more than 10 degrees) incline to get over the curb. The vast majority of production vehicles can manage that at a normal speed. If you’ve got a problem with that, perhaps you need to get new shocks.

This goes double if you’re driving an SUV. Quadruple if it’s a Hummer.

And no SUV in existance should be parked in a spot marked ‘compact’.

Is this the place to comment on people in SUVs who ease over speed bumps at glacial speeds? C’mon, you half-wits! That thing is designed to handle jeep trails…I doubt a speed bump is going to bottom it out. Or are you just afraid you’ll spill your Grande Latte?

I agree…don’t suddenly stop with no blinker, that’s rude and obnoxious. I know I parallel park a lot at school, and since I’m perfect I always use my blinker when I stop, but I think many people drive by first to guesstimate if they can even fit into the empty spot before they commit to a blinker and attempting the parallel park. I think it is just peple’s insecurity of looking like fools - they are afraid of making a big production with the blinker in case they decide they aren’t skilled enough to wedge their vehicle into a small spot.

Another little hint:

If you are at an intersection and want to turn in to the parking lot of the business that is in the upper right hand corner of the intersection (which has, BTW, an entrance just past the intersection), it is NOT easier to make a right at the inersection and then an IMMEDIATE left in to the parking lot. All of the people in the lane of traffic you are crossing (for no good reason) will curse your name.

Actually, I drive a Suzuki Samurai, a very old SUV with the approximate ground dimensions of a Cooper Mini. You could fit two of them into a “compact” spot.

However, I don’t normally park in parking lots, so it doesn’t really matter.


Try this in Houston with a typical small car and you’ll bottom out at least 10% of the time. Subsidence can be a real bitch.

Back when I lived Behind the Orange Curtain, I spent a year or so living in an apartment complex with a very sharp dip at the entrance to the parking lot. As in, sidewalk-covered-in-muffler-gouges kind of dip. The riced-out lowered cars in our lot were noticeably higher than in the rest of the city (I did see one get stuck on a speed bump trying to go in the back way to avoid the dip, but that’s a different story).

When I drove in with The Ivory Destrier, Slayer of Tires and Master of Chaotic Alignment (the only Accord in the city that wasn’t lowered), I often took it at an angle, one wheel at a time, but could do it at a reasonable speed.

The complex next to mine had no such dip. It had a smooth driveway incline, no muffler gouges or anything. One of the people living in this complex had a brand new “Asshat Alert Yellow” H2, and every time he drove in he would come to a stop and sssllllooowwwlllyyy iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinch his hulking machine through it as if the H2 had an egg in a spoon clamped in the teeth of its radiator and didn’t want to be disqualified from the race.

He took his driveway at half or less of the speed I took mine, and I laughed at him every time.


You mean “How Not To Turn *In to * a Parking Lot”!!