I want to share with you guys an excerpt from a script for a short film that I’m working on to see if a joke in it works for you or not.
The tl;dr of the plot: a man finds a genie who lives in a cell phone instead of a lamp, and you make your wishes by texting them to the genie.
This excerpt is exposition provided by the man who gives the main character the cell phone. What I’m seeking input on is the joke in the visuals that accompany his story.
So – if you saw this on screen, would you get the joke? Would you think it was funny?
I’m asking because at a table read last week, it got no laugh, not even a token chuckle, and when I asked some people afterwards they didn’t understand it until I explained it.
I wish for… a nine inch pianist…pianis…oh. Now I get it. Took me too long, but I think guys would get it faster and laugh. I think you’d need to hear the genie announcing “Behold! Your nine-inch pianist…”
Mind you, my attention is called to his height because I’m reading your description. A visual way of highlighting his short stature – a ruler next to him? a sign around his neck? – might help.
ETA: What kittenblue said: the genie announcing it helps.
I like how you’re doing it, but it does require knowledge of the joke. It would work well for me because I love jokes where you have to think for a moment to get. People are going to miss it, but that’s not necessarily a flaw.
Who is the target audience? It’s an old joke, and people familiar with the joke would get it right away, but people who don’t know the joke, don’t like puns, or don’t think salaciously (like my SIL) won’t.
And, yeah, you’d have to find a way to specify the nine inches. Otherwise, it could be interpreted as asking for a tiny penis, not a large 9-incher.
He wished for a “small pianist”? or “tiny pianist”? or “miniature pianist”? - all seem a more likely interpretation by the audience than a “nine inch” one to me.
Those of you who pointed out that the pianist’s height needs to be spelled out are completely right… the sight gag totally fails otherwise, which is something I didn’t realize because IN PRINT it works, at least if you know the joke it’s based on.
The truth is that the joke is really not important at all to the film as a whole, so maybe I should just replace it. I do like the visual of wishing for a huge treasure and then being crushed by it. Now I need to make sure the closing credits include Ethilrist in the list of people to be thanked.
I get the joke, but it doesn’t really play well visually. And…
…if the genie is going to be granting wishes that are texted over the the phone, then that sort of misunderstanding won’t be relevant to the later plot, anyway.
…if this is a flashback to the days of Persian princes and tellers of tales, the piano hadn’t been invented yet.
The genie’s expression goes from sullen to smirking. He claps his hands and there is a blinding flash. When the flash clears, there is a pile of glass jars. The prince picks one up and examines it. Close up of jar’s label. The label says Honey.
Yeah, the joke is funnier when someone says, as in the manner of ending a story “… hey, do you think I wanted a nine-inch pianist?”
There are a lot of absurdist jokes that are better in the telling than in the showing. For this particular example, I’d guess you’d get a mild chuckle from people who already know the pianist joke, and nothing from everyone else.
It depends on whether they’re familiar with the joke, I suppose.
For me, genie + tiny piano = twelve-inch pianist joke (or however many inches your version has). But I spend a lot of time telling and reading corny jokes.