A 67 year old woman in Spain recently gave birth to twins. Naturally she used fertility treatments (WTF were those doctors thinking :eek: ). By the time her kids reach adulthood she’ll be in her mid 80s (if she’s even alive). Her kids may even half to deal with seeing their mother go through Alzheimers while they’re still in secondary (possibly even primary school). So how old is to old to have kids? Aside from the medical issues does gender of the older parent matter. Such as an 75 year old man who has children with a 25 year old woman. What about a 65 year old woman and a 70 year old man? Or even a 60 year old woman and a 30 year old man?
I think that it is ethically suspect to be a single parent at such an advanced age. At the most basic level, it shows a singular self-absorbtion and lack of foresight to subject a child to what will likely be a shaky home life with a parent who may be more dependent on them than vice versa. However, I would also say that the circumstances could easily change my judgement of the situation. Say, for example, that she does have a significantly younger husband who can shoulder much of the burden in raising a child, or an actively involved and close-knit extended clan who can take the child in if the worst should occur. I don’t claim either would be the ideal home environment, but they change the severity from “terrible” to “workable”, which is about where most kids are raised.
To your last question: no, I don’t think the gender matters so much as the age gap and the ability to financially support the baby. If a 75 year old is dating a 19 year old and they have a child, I would worry about the long term fiscal situation. I would also worry about the 19 year old’s maturity level as a single parent if the 75 year old were to kick the bucket, regardless of gender.
I started a similar thread some while back about elderly fathers and was surprised at the passion of some of the responses. I’m always irritated by men who marry much younger partners and have babies when they’re past the age of retirement.
A random sampling (the number in parentheses is their age at the birth of their youngest child):
Tony Randall (78)
James Doohan (80)
Jacques Cousteau (72)
Anthony Quinn (81)
Saul Bellow (84)
Ernest Lehman (86) [screenwriter:his movies include Sabrina, North by Northwest, numerous big budget musicals, etc.]
Lee Strasberg (71)
Julio Iglesias, Sr. [father of Julio/grandfather of Enrique] (90)
All of the above men were dead by the time their children had finished elementary school, about half while their kids were pre-school age. (Iglesias before his youngest child was born [his daughter was 3].)* This is just grossly unfair imho.
While it’s true that a 19 year old father has no guarantees of living to see his child grown (my own father was only 40 when I was born and died of natural causes when I was in junior high while the mostly young 3000 U.S. servicemen who have died in Iraq have left hundreds if not thousands of underaged paternal orphans), the odds are with him, while there are other considerations as well that do not affect younger dads. The older a man becomes after around 40 the higher his chances of fathering a child with mental or physical illness, and for a father in his 60s and above the risks are exponentially higher than for a 40 year old, and these are risks a younger father does not have. In addition, children born to a younger father do not have to have vague memories of a very feeble old man who may not always recognize them or may have too many health concerns of his own to give them the attention they need.
So my take: parents have a responsibility to do anything possible to see their children provided for until they are grown. Women should not consider becoming mothers when nature itself has turned off the clock (I’m not referring to women who have trouble conceiving but women who are post menopause). Men should realize that just because they can, for evolutionary reasons, procreate for twice as long as women can doesn’t mean they should. (This is all regarding biological issue and not adoption, incidentally, where the rules should vary but are different.)
*Their are exceptions: Strom Thurmond fathered children in his late 60s & 70s and lived to become a grandfather by the youngest, Andrew Carnegie’s only child was born in his early 60s and he lived to walk her down the aisle at her wedding [very very slowly], etc., but again, they’re exceptions, and even so they had a very old man with major age affiliated health problems.
I’m with the others who say when your system stops letting you have children due to your age, it’s time to give up trying (with or without medical assistance, unless of course it’s purely for fun 
). Like others I wouldn’t argue that naturally infertile couples shouldn’t be allowed to pursue assistance in conceiving, but I see no need for a woman of 60+ to have kids - what the hell for? I know a lot of women are struggling in the modern world to balance their need for a career and self fulfillment within their natural window of opportunity (hence the increase in women freezing their eggs so they can have kids past the “you are now leaving mothersville” sign you get at 35).
As a gay man who is likely to have to resort to some creative thinking when it comes to having kids I’m not that fussed on whether people having kids through fertility treatments are “natural” or not, it’s more that’s best for the child what is paramount. I don’t see how a child born to a couple whose combined age is three digits long is a good idea.
My relatively simplistic answer is that if you add 18 to your current age and that number is higher than the average life expectancy of someone of your race/gender/country then you shouldn’t be having kids; you should be able to expect to be alive on your kid’s 18th birthday.
Kearney: And I say this both as a teenager and as the father of a teenager.
?
Did Bryan become a father at 6 and now he’s a 19 year old with a 13 year old son named Kearney?
Yeah, I was confused about how that would be physically possible too. Care to elaborate Bryan?
He’s referencing a character from the Simpspms.
It’s also a bad idea to have kids late in life if you already have kids.
There are many disorders that increase in risk as the parents age. Autism and schizophrenia are two which increase exponentially as the father ages. Because of these risks, I believe it is much better for both sexes to have children before their 40s but I would certainly not restrict an individual’s rights.
Sir Rhosis, here–winner of last years “oldest father” by date of birth (12 January 1889)
My father was 75 when I was born (mother 29). While I’m certainly gald to be here (most days), I wouldn’t recommend it. He died at age 79, when I was four, and I have few memories of him. My mother was a simple Appalachian housewife, fourth grade education, who had no job skills outside of the home, so this lead to a stepfather and two “shack-ups.”
While my father’s death has made me the person I am (emotionally tougher, more resourceful, aware at a very early age that I would have to take care of myself and depend on noone), it might have been better to have been raised with even a small degree of security.
So far, no mental problems I’m aware of…
Sir Rhosis
Oh, forgot to mention… I have a younger brother, born when my dad was 76.
Sir Rhosis
You were already my hero, but I intended to mention that same particular guy. I’m impressed that you even know he exists.
And when he died, his second wife was pregnant… of a kid who’s younger than several of his great-nephews!
IMNSHO, I think 35 is the cutoff.
There is way too much of an age difference at that point. My parents had me when they were 38 and as I was growing up, they might as well have been aliens from another planet in terms of relating to them. They were just too old.
I think that a 20-30 year difference in ages between parents and children seems to work out best in terms of raising them. My $0.02 worth, only - YMMV.
Wow, and I think 30 is the YOUNGEST that someone should have kids, leaving a five year window between us!
I agree with that, I’m happy for there to be only a five-year window between becoming able to have kids and being past having kids. Saying thatI’ve got a project plan in place to ensure it happens so I’m clear that I’m prepared for working in what others may consider a narrow window of opportunity; in my experience other people’s lives are often less organised.
I think that if you are looking for a combo baby stroller/wheelchair and both you and your kid are in diapers, you might be a little too old to be popping out kids.
Seriously, though, it bothers me when doctors are willing to provide reproductive assistance to senior citizens merely for the buck or the “fame” of helping to create the world’s oldest mother. When my wife and I were working with reproductive endocrinologists we were counseled about the risks we and the baby could face and were genetically screened as well (we were only in our early 30’s). At one point we discussed having my wife’s aunt be a surrogate (she was in her late 40’s and hadn’t hit menopause yet) and the docs made sure we knew what we were doing and were very clear about all of the implications and possible complications.
As for AARP members naturally reproducing, I saw that with my sister. She was 33 and he was 62 when they had their first child together (he had kids from a previous marriage that were older than my sister and was already a grandfather). He was not infirm or sickly but he was too set in his ways and uninterested to be much of a part in his new children’s lives. He wasn’t going to sit on the floor and have tea parties or go to dance recitals. He didn’t care about their schoolwork or Girl Scouts. His new daughters were a just a way to show how virile he was. They are divorced now and my sister can raise her daughters on her own officially. Much in the way she did it when she was married.
My mother was 30, dad 33 when they had me. While that is completely normal these days, as a gen-x’r I grew up with kids around me whose parents were 10 years younger and it was hard to find kids with parents as old as mine. For some reason or other it would come up and I ended up with the “old” parents.
Looking back it really was pretty insignificant an age difference but as a kid it’s just another thing kids will tease you for. I feel really sorry for some kids now days with the parents that had them when they were in their mid 40s. I’m sure they hear about it from their classmates.
Someone I went to school with (ten years ago) had a dad who was in his mid-60s when he was about to turn 18. Not ideal but not terrible either. I think, personally, that’s about as far as you should take it before without really pushing it otherwise you run the risk of an unfortunate situation like the one that erie774 describes with her sister’s child, and that isn’t good for anyone involved: a parent who is too old to be physically or mentally engaged with their child (either because they can’t or won’t) isn’t in the best interests of the child, and that should be paramount.