I almost was that baby… heart stopped during delivery, blonde hair and blue eyes which the midwife said means lack of O2 (lasted less than two weeks as a blonde). I got lucky. Your story reminded me how much 
I am so sorry for your loss Grimpixie. I too lost my child and Know the pain you must feel. This Group helped hubby and I alot. It helped to talk with others who had survived what we were going through. Our prays are with you and your’s.