The FantsyPants family was out shopping today, looking for deals at the local mega-second hand store. While my wife browsed, I wondered the aisles with our 2 1/2 year old, and we gravitated towards the toy area. There we ran into a friend of ours with a three year old who was also playing. We chatted for a little while, then she “alright, well I’m gonna leave him here to play, and get back to shopping”. I asked if she wanted me to keep an eye on him, and she said “no, he knows to stay here” and walked off.
Now, everything in me screams at this. Where she headed to was a good 50 feet away. And this kid is not even 3 yet.
so, my questions…
Is this at all acceptable, am I missing a perspective that makes this ok?
Would you say something, and if so, what can be said that is likely to be heard, not resented?
No, this is not acceptable at all. It’s almost like she thinks the employees will be keeping an eye on him, and it’s not their responsibilty to be watching her kid.
Not acceptable. You could go the high-confrontation route: “You need to watch your child. Leaving him unattended in a store is unacceptable.” Or the low-confrontation route: “Here’s Bobby. We’re done shopping so I thought I’d just bring him back to you before we left.” (Basically, you are pretending to have either not heard or not understood her when she said it was okay to leave him unattended.)
I’d like to do something that will change her behavior long-term, but any way I can think of approaching it seems destined to piss her off, rather than alter her behaviour. How do you tell someone that their parenting stinks without getting their hackles up?
At 3? Not acceptable. At 8, for some kids, for 50 feet away and no more than 10 minutes. At 12, I drop him off at the game console section of Target while I shop. But he’s a darn good kid who has never acted out or gotten into trouble. If one of his friends is with us, they stay with me the whole time. Their IQ goes down when they’re in groups.
As for how to handle it, I’d probably take both kids’ hands and follow her, saying something like, “I know you think he’ll be OK, but I’m afraid a security guard will come along and think he’s been abandonded by his mother - 3 is too young to be alone in a store.” Then hand her his hand and move on with your shopping. You’ve done what you can without making a scene or making it your problem. (Plus, it sort of puts the blame on the mythical “security guard”, but is honest enough to let her know you agree with him.)
Honestly, who cares about her stupid hackles? There’s a kid in danger here. Haven’t kids been picked up with less of a chance? And at 3, it is hard to explain the “scream your head off if a stranger picks up you up” thing, I would think. Say something, and you don’t have to say it mean, but say it firmly.
In my opinion, the kid is in potential danger. Is it stupid? Absolutely. Is it against the law? Probably not unless the kid gets hurt or grabbed.
There’s nothing you can do except try to set an example. You can say something like, “No way would I leave my kid alone in a crowded store. It’s too dangerous!” But there’s nothing you can actually say.
I knew a woman who let her 3-year old bathe alone. No fuckin’ way. But what are you gonna do? She felt confident and I didn’t. Different parenting styles. Would I adopt her style? Not on your life. That’s what makes the world go 'round.
She’s also teaching YOUR child that it’s okay to be alone in a big store. I hope you explained to your own child that this was very very wrong, or the kid will think it’s okay to wander away from you.
And someone needs to tell that mother about children being abducted from stores.
Pretty much. The non-confrontational way is to get yourself to a security guard or store manager. Either they will care (and they should because of potential liabilitiy issues) and THEY will resolve the problem by treating it as a lost child and calling for Mom over the intercom, or they won’t care. If they don’t care, then you choice is to get confrontational. If this happens often enough, Mom will decide it isn’t worth it and will haul little Jackson all over the store with her.
Personally, this is a “drop the aquaintance” occation for me. The last thing I need in my life is people who parent with too much benevolent neglect when I have a child the same age. Won’t take your kid long to want to know why you don’t leave HIM alone in the toy section while you go shopping, its just isn’t even worth knowing these people.
(I’m all for benevolent neglect in some circumstances. The store isn’t one of them. The entire age of three really isn’t either.)