How acceptable are the following situations to you? Show your work.
1)An 8 yr. old child leaves the house after breakfast on a summer day and does not return until dusk. His parents do not know where he goes.
2)An 11yr. old child lives in the suburbs of a large city. She takes the bus into the city center and spends the day visiting museums alone.
3)A 13 yr. old boy walks home alone from school play rehearsal alone in the dark after 9pm at night. He walks about a mile and a half through a safe suburb.
4)A parent escorts a child to the bus stop a block away from home, leaving an 18 month old asleep in a crib, alone in the house.
5) A parent leaves a 6 yr. old and 2 yr. old in a locked, turned off car and runs into the library to return some books.
None of them really are acceptable behavior except #4, with a sleeping child at home and a quick run out to the bus stop, provided it isn’t a 20 minute time period or something.
I don’t think I would even have done #4. I might have gone out in the yard, leaving the door open so I could hear, while my kid was asleep, but not all the way down the block.
I would most likely find #5 acceptable, as long as the car is right in front of the library and you just have to walk in and walk out (no lines, no stopping).
The other ones, no way. I’d think twice about my 15-year-old walking alone in the dark for a mile and a half, but I wouldn’t have problems with it if he was with friends. Probably the same if he was 13, on an occasional basis.
None of them are that egregious. In order of the most acceptable to the least I say 5, 4, 3, 1, 2. Despite what the media wants us to think, the world is indeed a safer place now than it was 20 years ago (when I did all of those things).
1: No. The 8 year old could be getting up to anything. Very different scenario if parents know where child is, depending on the child him/herself of course.
2: Unlikely to be acceptable. Depends on the kid. At that age I wandered the mall alone but did not get there under my own power.
3: Maybe OK but that’s a long way to go alone after dark.
4: Not OK. Ever heard of fire?
5: Borderline - depends on the neighborhood, outside temperature, how long the kids are out of line-of-sight.
I may have done all those things when I was a kid (well, the first three, since those are kid things), but not at those ages. Add four years to the first two, and 2 to the third. I agree that the world is pretty safe, but kids are still pretty stupid.
The first three are right out. Number 4 is borderline; depends on the size of the block and some other things. For the last one, doesn’t this hypothetical library have a bookdrop? I routinely leave the kids in the car to walk the 10 feet to the bookdrop and return the books. As is, it’s borderline and I’d take the kids in because they would want to see their grandma, who works there.
The world has changed a lot since the early 60s, when my mother and her across-the-street neighbor would pile all the kids in one house, dial the other house, and leave the phone off the hook so they could hear if one of the kids started making too much noise…
Huh? My mother would do all of these things with my brother and me, except maybe for no 5 (we would have been left home instead) and I didn’t turn out any worse for it.
As bad as #3 might sound, myself as well as other kids had paper routes at age 13 in the suburbs, riding our bikes from house to house, alone, in the dark, at 5 a.m.
That was the early 80’s.
From my childhood, I’d say all would have been acceptable to my parent except #2. I didn’t do stuff like that until I was at least 14 or 15. Also, my parents would have checked on me at least a few times in situation #1, and I’d have had to stay within shouting distance unless they knew I was at a friend’s house.
“Does not know” or “is not sure”? I think it would depend on where the parents lived, the neighborhood, where the kid was likely to go. (e.g., every day for a month he’d said “I’m going to Mike’s house to play” and went. At dinner time, Mike’s parents had sent him back home. That morning, he’d just headed off without saying the words. There’s a difference between that and having no idea where your 8 year-old is.)
11 seems a bit too young. But again, I want to know about the city, how familiar she is with the bus system, the suburbs, the city, and the museum. I know I was allowed to do almost exactly that (it was the library, not the museums) at 13 because…
13 is a high schooler. Assuming there’s a safe walking path, pretty ok with this.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been around an 18 month old. I honestly don’t know.
I know things have changed. But that happened to us all the time. Of course, these days, it’s unheard of. And because of cultural pressure, I don’t think I’d ever do it if I had kids. But it still just doesn’t sound horrifically unsafe (during the time that it takes to return books)
In order? 3,5,2,1 (if the parents truly have no clue in situation 1) and I can’t rate 4.
1)An 8 yr. old child leaves the house after breakfast on a summer day and does not return until dusk. His parents do not know where he goes.
This is not acceptable. His parents need to know where he is, who he’s with, etc. This could be considered Neglectful Supervision.
2)An 11yr. old child lives in the suburbs of a large city. She takes the bus into the city center and spends the day visiting museums alone.
This is concerning, but a lot depends upon the maturity level of the child. Does she have a cell phone with her? Do her parents work in the city? It’s probably not a good idea.
3)A 13 yr. old boy walks home alone from school play rehearsal alone in the dark after 9pm at night. He walks about a mile and a half through a safe suburb.
A mile and a half is a long way to walk after dark. I’d be concerned, and recommend to the parents that they arrange for transportation.
4)A parent escorts a child to the bus stop a block away from home, leaving an 18 month old asleep in a crib, alone in the house.
Not smart. I wouldn’t recommend doing this.
5) A parent leaves a 6 yr. old and 2 yr. old in a locked, turned off car and runs into the library to return some books.
In Texas, this is illegal. A parent cannot leave a child or children under the age of 5 in the car without someone 12 or over to supervise. If something happened to the two-year-old, the 6-year-old probably would not be capable of taking care of the situation (what if the 2-yr-old started choking, for example). This would definitely be a case of neglectful supervision.
This describes most of my childhood. On days when Mom was really annoyed, we weren’t allowed back in the house until dinner. I lived in a very safe, self-contained suburban neighborhood, however, with nosy neighbors who were just as comfortable yelling at other people’s kids as they were yelling at their own. If I lived in a similar neighborhood, I think I’d be okay with my kid disappearing for a day. Under any other circumstances, absolutely not.
Nuh-uh. No way. I don’t think I was allowed into New York alone until I was 16. It’s admirable that the kid wants to go see the museums, but not alone.
A safe suburb? Once again, right where I grew up. I’d probably allow this, although I’d prefer if he were with friends.
Hell no. With a baby asleep in the house, you don’t go any further than the yard.
My parents did this when my brother and I were 7 and 2. They were gone no more than five minutes. When they came back, they discovered that my brother had stuck my finger into the car’s cigarette lighter “to see if it was hot.” Given that my brother was unusually inventive in his torture methods, I think this one’s okay for up to about three minutes out of sight. Any longer than that, take the kids with you.
I’ll give you some insight into what seemed safe when I was a child and what I would consider safe now.
Did this all the time as a child in the 80s in a safe suburb in Ontario. My mother was forever bugging me to get out of the house, and I’d usually start out by saying I was going to play with “Susie” or whomever. After a few minutes, we’d get on our bikes and be gone all day. No one was concerned.
Would I let my kid do that at 8? Not a chance. Traffic is a concern and although I don’t concern my area to be unsafe, it’s certainly not the same environment I grew up in. I don’t know my neighbours.
Not ever having lived near a large city as a child, this situation wasn’t really available to me. I did, however, ride my bike 6 or 7 miles into town to go to the beach or the Y, and I was left home alone with my younger brother at this age.
Would I let my kid do this at 11? Probably not. I would allow short bus trips around this age, preferably with a friend and with frequent “check-ins”. If they seemed to handle that well, I would consider longer bus trips to more populated areas, but again, I would feel better if they at least had a companion.
Yes, I was allowed to walk around at night alone at 13. I frequently walked home from babysitting jobs in the dark.
This one I think I would be okay with, provided my child seemed mature enough to come straight home and avoid anything that looked suspicious.
I was never left alone as a young child. Maybe my brother and I would be inside the house and my parents in the yard, but that’s it. This would have been in the 70s.
Not a chance in hell. Maybe my idea of a block is different than others, however. Can you still see your house from a block away? I can’t where I live. And besides, the few 18 month old children I’ve seen are pretty resourceful. No way.
My mom did this ALL THE TIME. Sitting in the car waiting seemed like torture, no matter how short the wait.
Hmmm. Not where I live now because the car would be out of my line of sight. If I lived in rural NB and you could park outside the door, I might if the errand would take less than a minute.
1)An 8 yr. old child leaves the house after breakfast on a summer day and does not return until dusk. His parents do not know where he goes.
Unacceptable. Change it a little bit to 8 yr old leaves the house after breakfast, I don’t know who he’s with or where they are exactly but I have a general idea, and he returns at various points during the day for food, money and the bathroom. Not only is it acceptable, my son did it at 8
2)An 11yr. old child lives in the suburbs of a large city. She takes the bus into the city center and spends the day visiting museums alone.
Depends on the 11 year old. An 11 year old who already takes public transportation to school every day? Fine. An 11 year old who doesn’t normally travel alone? Unacceptable.
3)A 13 yr. old boy walks home alone from school play rehearsal alone in the dark after 9pm at night. He walks about a mile and a half through a safe suburb.
Alone as in no parents? Or completely alone for the entire mile and a half? Makes a difference. Walking a mile and a half mostly with friends is acceptable. A mile and a half completely alone? Find me a thirteen year old who’s willing to do that, and maybe by then I’ll have an opinion.
4)A parent escorts a child to the bus stop a block away from home, leaving an 18 month old asleep in a crib, alone in the house.
Nope. Can’t tell when the baby will wake up, what the baby will do when he wakes up or what will happen while you’re out. I’d sooner send the other child down the block alone, especially if there are other kids waiting there.
5) A parent leaves a 6 yr. old and 2 yr. old in a locked, turned off car and runs into the library to return some books.
6 year old alone- probably. But not with a two year old.
So much would depend on the child and the circumstances. I wouldn’t routinely leave an 18th month alone in the house for even a minute, but if they had a bad cold and had been up all night, cranky and miserable, and were finally sleeping peacefully, yeah, I might leave the door open, walk half way to the bus stop and stand where I could see both my open front door and watch the 6 year old walk the rest of the way to the busstop, instead of wake them up and carry them with me.
Would I leave them in the car while I ran into hte library? Again, depends on the kids. If the book drop was RIGHT inside the door, I’d be more likely to pull up to the curb and watch as the six year old carried the books in, provided they would be in line of sight the whole time–especially, if, again, the baby had been sick/cranky and was finally peacefully sleeping.
