How should I deal with this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Okay. This probably is going to make me sound like a whiny, naive, idiotic little kid, which is mostly why I’m sort of ‘testing the waters’ here, rather than IRL.

I’m a freshman in college. Far from home. And I’ve been having a sort of hard time, for a whole slew of reasons. Classes are harder than any classes I’ve ever taken. I’m an extremely (to the point of repeated misdiagnoses as social phobia) introverted person, so living in a dorm is tough. I’m finally recovering from a nasty ankle injury that kept me from working out (which is generally how I keep my sanity) for nearly a month. There are also one or two other vaguely-medical things, but nothing serious (basically, things that cause discomfort)*.

But all the stress has been building up. I know I can’t diagnose a psychological disorder myself. I don’t know, maybe I’m depressed or something. Regardless, I’ve been having trouble sleeping just about every night, which adds to the stress. The part that has me freaked out as all hell, though, is this: I’ve been having…not flashbacks, but memories of a sorta traumatic thing that happened when I was 12. It’s stupid and irrational and completely - just stupid, but I can’t figure how to stop thinking about it. I’ve had nightmares about it on and off since it happened six years ago, but never with this frequency, and it’s never plagued my thoughts like this.

I could talk to a psychologist for free on campus, but that’s probably not going to do anything. I saw a psychologist for nearly a year at home before leaving for school to deal with stress, it sorta helped mostly because it got my parents off my back (and no, I never once mentioned this traumatic incident, because it wasn’t bothering me). But I know that, well, obviously, if I go they’ll want me to talk about this thing, and I just…can’t. Also, I’m so afraid that they’ll slap a pat diagnoses on me and try to force me to take drugs. I will not take any sort of drug that fucks up my brain.

So, basically, I’m a completely stressed-out wreck right now, and my normal sanity-saving methods (working out, writing) are failing me. I feel…trapped, and could desperately use any sort of advice. (Also, I can’t talk to my parents about it; they’ll worry and I just can’t talk to them about it.)

*I do what I can about these things, which is basically take a small amount of ibuprofen. It’s a really long-winded and bizarre, vaguely-spiritual thing I have, but I don’t like taking drugs of any sort.

2

I don’t know if this will make you feel any better but this is extremely common for first year college students. I would say that this is probably one of the most stressful times in your life so if you can make it through this part, it should get much easier. All of the things that you list as stressors are very typical. Hang in there.

You still might want to see a psychologist. Psychologists have very different personalities and styles so one might help even though others did not. You could also ask about the possibility of antidepressant medication. If you are truly clinically depressed that could help a lot. Use whatever resources you need to and realize that you are far from the first person that has gone through this.

3

Sorry, I didn’t get the part about no drugs before although they tend not to fuck up your brain. They just help most people feel normal again.

4

They can’t make you take drugs. Don’t worry about it. And don’t dismiss psychotherapy out of hand. It works wonders for most people who are willing to be honest and do the work. Don’t judge all therapists on the basis of one. It took me four tries to find the right one for me, but she saved my life.

You have some insight into what’s bothering you. Take it from someone who’s been there. Don’t try to control it. It won’t go away. If you manage to cram it back under its manhole cover, it’ll just fester and wait for another chance. Take care of it now, move through it now, or take care of it later.

Good luck. Leave your preconceptions at the door and be willing to try different ideas. You are smart and self-aware, and you’re doing Great Books, so you know a little bit about how knowledge is amassed by many people over time. Psychotherapy falls under that umbrella. None of us is terribly unique. Whatever you’ve got going on will be nothing new.

5

First, go see the free psychologist. I went to one twice a week for my first two years, simply because I needed a safe place to be. A place where I was free to vent about my anger, gush about my favorite book, whine about my stress, analyze my dreams…whatever. I could say anything I needed to say but could never say to anybody else. It helped a lot. You don’t have to because you need somebody to “fix” you.

Second, go to the University’s health center. There could be physical reasons for your depression. I know they sent me directly to get a physical examination when I first went to the Mental Health center on campus.

Third, you might want to consider looking into moving off campus for the rest of your school career. I swear to god, if I had to live in a dorm, I would have simply dropped out. I can’t imagine being happy and healthy if I was stuck on campus 24/7. I love being able to go home and leave school and work and that stress behind. Calculate how much you spend on room and board and see if you can find a similiarly priced apartment and just put your money towards that. Look into getting a roommate if you know anybody you like and trust.

Fourth. Find a group, club, organization, etc not related to physical exercise. For example, the theater majors on my campus are so much fun to hang out with. I never acted in my life, but I do head over to the theater when I’m bored or lonely or just need someone to talk to. also, I joined the GLBT organization on campus and that’s been a good experience.

6

Well, first of all, let me say that your batural phobias resulting from beginning this first year on your own in college are normal. Or at least they seem so from your description. So no worries, right?

Secondly, I can’t tell what sort of martial artist you are, so I can’t give recommendations on training improvement for your lifestyle. I have to say, it’s likely that aside from general stress relief, you will not find an answer there. Most of us, myself included, are not the sprt to spend time in the forests contemplating our deaths Musashi/ Oyama style. Since you’re in college, and not driving your hand through stones and protesting the weakness of martial artists around the globe, I assume you are no this sort either.

Thirdly, and potentially the most important, you must bend your mind around the concept that your brain may already be fucked up. Clinical depression is very different from what most experience, and it is due to chemical unbalance in the brain. As such, medications do not fuck up the depressed mind, but help it to achieve normalcy. If, in fact, you are clinically depressed, you may need to accept this.

I do not take medications myself, except under the most extreme circumstances, and I suspect you are experiencing normal anxiety and depression, not the severe sort. If you experience periods of stress followed by depression for periods of time that you recognize as serious mood swings, where you relive periods from your past that were unpleasant over and over, making you feel worse, you may want to seek help. Obviously, if you have considered hurting yourself, even just during a depressive period, and even if you didn’t really mean it, but only thought of it, you should seek help immediately. Trust me, I did body pickup for a funeral home for three years. It’s a good idea to call for help.

As I said though, it sounds, from what you’ve said, perfectly normal. You may need to find some stress relief, and find ways day by day to get through it, but it’s definitely a tough time for everyone, and everyone will come in here and say that it was hard for them too.

If you need to, feel free to ask for homework help, explanations of tough subjects, and even some friendly meeting time with dopers. I’m good with many and would love to help as a graduate myself.

Good luck :wink:

7

I was really depressed my freshman year of college (broken heart) so I can relate.

Going to see a school psychologist could not hurt. Don’t want Prozac? Tell them. They can’t make you take it. They see students like you every year and probably have a lot of good ideas as to how you can come out of your shell a bit. They won’t know about the traumatic thing bugging you unless you tell them. Don’t tell 'em. Just work on circulating for now.

Ever thought of joining a sorority? Before rejecting the idea, why not look into it? You don’t have to be a perky cheerleader type to join; chances are there’s one on your campus where you’d fit in just fine. Mine had all sorts of critters in it: outgoing, shy, fat, thin, cheerleaders, geeks: name it, we had it. Maybe go through rush: it’s not like you have to accept a bid if you get one, and it’s a good way to meet new people. Don’t let the stereotypes stop you from what could be a really good experience. (I ended up quitting after a year, but at least I tried it, ya know?)

At any rate, my one piece of advice to you is something I didn’t do: you have got to get out more. I know it’s hard. When you’re depressed the last thing you want to do is be around other people. But being alone isn’t going to help the depression at all.

You don’t have to become a social butterfly. Start with doing something one night a week. Go to a frat party. Go to a meeting of a campus organization that interests you. Whatever floats your boat, do it.

Re: medication. You might want to rethink your position. If you came down with diabetes tomorrow, I’m sure you’d have no problem taking insulin. Why should depression be any different? Sometimes all it takes is a coupla months of treatment and whammo, something “clicks” upstairs and the chemicals straighten out and you don’t need the meds anymore.

You’re single, you’re young, you have TOO MUCH FUN ahead to waste the next 3 or 4 years of your life in your room by yourself! Do whatcha gotta do to be happy, even if it means taking medication for a while. Even shy people need to get their groove on! If you don’t get out there NOW and sow your wild oats, do a little partying, kiss a few frogs, etc., you’re going to regret it when you’re an old married woman with 3 kids and “can’t” have any fun anymore.

8

One thing-I understand you not wanting to take medicine and that’s perfectly fine. However, PLEASE do not refer to them as “drugs that fuck up your brain.” There are quite a few of us Dopers on anti-depressants and the like, and we don’t feel that our brains are being fucked up. Not to mention it only contributes to the stigma of mental illness.

I respect your feelings on it, and it IS your choice. But please, be a little more sensitive to some of us here.

9

Wow. Fast replies. Which I guess is good. I feel really weird dumping my guts out in public like this. A couple good suggestions, but…(this is in no particular order)

  1. About joining clubs: My school doesn’t have many. We have a total student body of 400: there simply aren’t enough students to support much. And it’s not that I want to associate with people more but can’t. I’m perfectly fine being on my own, in fact, I prefer it. Apparently, this is unhealthy or something, to do what I’m comfortable with. Also - no sororities or anything.

  2. I really, really, really want to move off-campus. If I could do that second semester, I would. My parents don’t think I’m mature enough (somehow, apparently, it makes a difference). They won’t give me any financial support for that until junior year.

  3. I freely acknowledge that something might be fucked up in my brain already. Unless I’m, say, dying of a brain tumor, I won’t take any drugs that have a serious effect on the way my body functions, and I sure as hell won’t take anything that changes the way my brain works. I’ll (grudgingly) do talk-therapy: been there, done that, came away skeptical. I won’t take psychoactive drugs.

Again, I know that this is all totally and completely irrational. I have friends here and back at home. I have a good family situation. We have enough money to get by. I think that what’s going on is I’m unhappy because I’m stressed because of classes, so I’m trying to find a ‘rational’ reason to be unhappy, and my mind is latching onto the first thing it finds, which is that stupid thing from years ago. It’s stupid, flat-out, no questions asked, as it was an incident I walked away relatively unharmed from. It was, though, unpleasant, and I’m not enjoying it constantly being in the back of my mind, and having horrid nightmares every night about it.

Is the only way to get past this by talking to people about it? I’m…bad at it. And if I go to talk to a psychologist, and mention I’m having trouble sleeping, I’ll need to tell them that I’m having nightmares when I do get to sleep, and they’ll want to know about what, and…won’t talking about it make it worse?

10

:smack: I’m sorry - this is a bad case of ‘open mouth insert foot’ for me. I also have good friends on anti-depressants: I meant no offense whatsoever. That was a clunky and offensive way of me trying to…say something. I’m sort of jumpy about posting this to begin with.

Again, I humbly apologize to anyone I may have offended.

11

There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with being introverted, don’t worry about that, provided you’re happy with it.

There is a sad reality of life here, and you’re a smart person, and you already know it, I’m sure. Tell them you’ll do it anyway, and see what they do. You’ll either be amazed, or learn to survive on your own. Either way, plan carefully, save money, and remember that as an introvert your first priority is the sanctity of your privacy and comfort of your living space.

Many will tell you this is unwise, but truth be told, depressives have a low success rate at life itself, and I’ve known many. Few have sought drugs out before they tried to kill themselves or seriously contemplated it. You haven’t said where you’re at with that, but I’d assume if you’re happy in other areas, you’ll make it through.

Of course not, and not as far as phychological research supports. Talking about it make sit better and you can get by on your own until you can’t anymore. The beauty of life is that you get to pick.

This is going to sound odd, but I don’t know you really, so it does no harm for either of us to talk, as far as I know. Feel free to do so. I will say, as a loner myself, that talking with others has made me infinitely stronger with myself.

12

I don’t think it’s a problem to be introverted. Short of my GLBT meetings, I didn’t do shit for clubs or extra-curricular activities. I go to school, I go to work, and I’m perfectly happy to treat both as nothing more than a job, and my fellow students as nothing more than co-workers. I suggested the clubs to fill the void that is being left in your life right now due to being unable to exercise–you know, getting out of the dorm, finding something fulfilling and interesting to do…

You know what I did? I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it was the best decision I ever made. I basically told my parents “fuck you” and started my life immediately. I didn’t rely on them financially at all, and I live the life I want to live. Sure, I’m in a great deal of debt, but I’d rather be in debt than answer to my parents for the rest of my life. You’re over 18 right? You’re an adult. Move ifyou want to move.

Well, I’m happy that you’ll do it, even grudgingly, but you really might be surprised by your experience there. Shoot, at my school they cannot and will not recommend drugs, so it’s not a given that they’ll even let you go down that road without going to another doctor.

Not necessarily. Oh, it can be scary as fuck, no doubt about it. It took me a long time before I could get to the areas that really bothered me, and the memories that won’t leave me. They’ll let you work at your own pace. They’re not going to demand you pour your heart out as soon as you enter the room. Work up to it, establish trust, find your comfort zone, and then if you’re ready, tell them about the nightmares and where they stem from. Talking about it won’t make it worse, it’ll make you deal with it and come to terms with what happened. It’ll probably be difficult in the short-term, but in the long term, it’ll probably do you a lot of good.

Do you keep a journal? Or write at all? Writing can serve much the same purpose, and the best part is, nobody else will ever have to see it. you can write a daily journal and burn it as soon as soon as you finish the entry if you want. But if you internalize all the stress and memories and never find an escape valve, it’ll do you more harm than good.

13

I have to agree with pepperlandgirl. I had much the same experience in my first years of university. Therapy can be “scary as fuck”, definately… however, what you should get here is what pepper is writing… psychiatrists and psychologists are trained to udnerstand how the mind works in a way the average person cannot. I was EXTREMELY leery about seeing a psychiatrist, for much the same reasons you’ve stated. However, when I finally reached my breaking point, a pysch helped me enormously. Never underestimate the pressures you are under. IMHO, you might benefit from having a non-judgemental, educated person to bounce your feelings off. There’s no stigma here. This really is an enormously stressful situation, no doubt. A counsellor might help you sort this out, drug free. And writing does help a lot!

Good luck!

  • Rebekkah
14

It’s okay. For the record, I wasn’t offended-I knew what you meant, but at the same time, there’s a huge myth that anti-depressants make people into zombies, or else they’re Happy Pills, and you just pop them and everything is okay. I really want to fight against that attitude that a lot of people have, and you hit a personal crusade of mine.

15

If the idea of seeing the psychologist scares you, is there a telephone counselling service available?

My college has one, it allows people to talk to trained counsellors at their convenience and anonymously if they wish.

It does sound like you need to talk this out with someone though, don’t be put off by the idea of medication, just because they offer, doesn’t mean you have to take.

16

An alternative to talkingn or writing about a traumatic thing is to draw or paint pictures. Doesn’t matter if you “can’t” draw, it’s for your eyes only. I think the important thing here is to get whatever’s bothering you out of your head.

17

I hate to join the pile up here, but this traumatic experience in your past may well be the key to you current unhappiness. If it is anything similar to my experiences, then your best option is to let it out, not keep it in.

Find someone you can trust. If the free shrinks at the university don’t click with you, then move on. If you don’t feel ready to deal with it, then you may not be, but know that one day you will have to. As long as you are afraid to face it, it can control you.