After an unfortunate incident that occured a couple of years ago, I have been getting occassional nightmares ever since. Without wanting to go into detail about them, I will just say that…certain aspects of it I fear may come between me and my b/f. The fear behind the nightmares I have to get over and that will take time…however…every 3 or four months I get these recurring nightmares that are more memories than dreams…and they are consistent for 3 or 4 nights. Over this period i get incredibly insecure and i have no-where to turn because it is only myself who can get over these. I don’t know if it may sound pathetic to you, but I don’t really want to go into detail over them…I just…wanted to know if any of you have such nightmares or if any of you have any “techniques” or ideas on how to get through your nightmares in more confident ways.
thankyou for your time. any useful comments you may have are greatly appreciated.
You could consider speaking to a councillor. Talking about what happened could help you get over it, this might help the nightmares to stop.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It must be very hard.
Recurring nightmares? I’m jealous.
Seriously. Recurring dreams are excellent cues to use in the pursuit of lucid dreaming. I recommend taking a look at some information on lucid dreaming; it will allow you to realize that you’re dreaming, and to take control over your dream.
My suggestion would be to start keeping a dream journal. Write down any dreams you have as soon as you wake up. (This is not only useful, but also amusing.) Start reading up on lucid dreaming. Try and trigger a lucid dream, using the different techniques available. And keep reminding yourself that if you find yourself in the recurring dream about the experience you had, you’re dreaming.
The next time the nightmare occurs, you’ll have the tools necessary to turn it into whatever you want.
An illustration: I used to babysit for a five year old kid who had terrible nightmares. Monster dreams, he called them. One day I sat him down, and I explained things thusly:
“Ever seen a monster in real life?”
“No,” he said.
“So monsters only happen in dreams, right?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“And in your dreams, you can fly, right?”
“…yeah.”
“So next time you see a monster, just fly away.”
He thought about it for a while, and his eyes lit up. For the next week or two, whenever I ran into him, I asked him, “What do you do if you see a monster?” And he’d reply enthusiastically, “Fly away!”
One morning he ran up to me, very excited, and started telling me all about this dream where a monster was chasing him, and he flew away, and he realized that he was in a dream, and he could do anything, so he flew back and he had bombs under his wings/arms, and he dropped them on the monster, and it blew up!
And he’s never had a problem with nightmares since.
It might work for you. At least, you’ll have a fascinating new hobby.
You have my sympathy. As AngelicGemma suggested, talking about the incident and/or the nightmares themselves might help. By making them feel more familiar and prosaic, it might lessen the intensity at least. I know that works for some people anyway.
That said, if there is one definitive solution or cure, I don’t know what it is. I’ve had very bad nightmares for my whole life, or for at least as long as I can remember. I get them nearly every time I fall asleep, and often wake up from them two or three times a night. The only thing that helps me (and this will sound weird or just childish to some) is to sleep with my TV on (tuned to a station that won’t have scary programs on, of course - TV Land and BBC America work for me), so when I do wake up there is something reasonably comforting immediately present, and I’m not just freaking out in the dark and the silence. I don’t know what sort of late-night programming you have in the UK, but maybe a favorite radio station and dim night light would be another option. I know it’s not a solution, but if you are stuck with the nightmares, there are at least some ways to make it less of a trauma.
I wish you the best of luck with this. It’s a difficult thing to go through, I know.
The very first thing you must do is tell your boyfriend.The second thing you must do is listen seriously to any possible solution he may provide.
Second Guest pretty much said the exact thing I was going to say.
I’ve had pretty consistant nightmares my whole life, too. I’m usually being chased, and no matter what I do, can’t get away. I’ve found sleeping with the TV on really low (usually on a really “pleasant” channel like Nick at Night, just to make sure some moster flick doesn’t come on in the middle of the night, which wouldn’t really be too much help.
Also, don’t go right back to sleep after waking up from one. When I’m in a really bad nightmare phase, I’ll wake up between 3-4 times a night, for weeks at a time. Try to stay up a little bit and “shake” the nightmare off. I’ll usually lay in bed and dream up a “happy” ending, where I kick whatever’s ass is chasing me. I’ve found that I have to end them, or else they’ll just continue from where they left off the next time I fall asleep.
I also suggest keeping a dream journal and talking about your dreams. After all, dreams are merely your subconcious thoughts and feelings exposing themselves. Whevenever I find myself getting into a nightmare phase now, I take a long, hard look at my life and try to figure out what’s causing them. I’ve found I usually get them when I’m feeling like I’m losing control of my life. Ever since I became proactive about my nighmares, I’ve found they’ve become fewer and further between.
Good luck you you.
I have two types of nightmares.
First, there’s the “monster” nightmares. I’ve never been able to shake these, but with the lucid dreaming techniques already described, I’m able to bend the dream enough to where I either wake up or at least avoid being horribly eaten (well, um, not always). These kinds of dreams have, over the years, become just a nuisance, though I suspect they’d frighten most people. When I wake up in a panic, I just wait until my heart rate stablizes, then I go right back to sleep. I don’t even bother turning on the light to make sure “it” is gone, because IMO, that’s just lending credence to the nightmare.
My other kind of nightmare is the psycological type. When my grandmother died (we were quite close) I kept having very depressing dreams. Things along the lines of worst-case scenario (I was terrified to think of her quality of life if she had recovered from that final stroke). I had a few zombie-themed dreams that were also both depressing and scary. But mostly just very sad dreams where she was hurt & confused and there was nothing I could do.
I had these dreams about once a week for nearly a year & they gave me the shakes much more than any monster dream. What got me through them was keeping a journal. I’ve eventually rationalized that the worst-case scenarios about my grandma’s death are part regret at times when I wasn’t always there for grandma and part fear about my mother’s eventual passage into old age. I’ve come to deal with both issues and will admit right now that it was something I really should have spoken to others about.
So, my advice to you is talk to your boyfriend. He should appreciate knowing why you might be jumpy and depressed at times. And/or a counselor. It isn’t a silly matter and I completely sympathize.
One last thing - for me, I have noticed that 75% of my nightmares occur when I sleep on my back. This position also lends itself to sleep paralysis and sleep walking in my case (Do I warn guests who stay the night? You betcha!). Though you might have some psychological issues to contend with, your immediate solution could be physical.
I was troubled with nightmares as a child. Eventually, I taught myself to be a lucid dreamer, as MrVisible mentioned. Although I no longer have nightmares, I occasionally get “night terrors”, which have no lead-up or story, as nightmares have, just BOOM a million spiders jumping off the wall on me. But just as soon as I wake up, it’s gone and I can go back to sleep. I wish you the best of luck - hopefully by talking out the original incident with someone you can work your way through it.
StG
I used to have terrible Evil Monster or Evil Person nightmares until I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I kid you not.
One night, in the grips of a terrible nightmare in which a monster was chasing me, I suddenly stopped, whirled around, and kicked it in the face. I beat the holy hell out of that monster, I tell you!
I don’t have the nightmares any more. As soon as one begins, I remember that I have Buffy’s super-powers, and I easily defeat whatever Evil Thing is gunning for me. The dreams actually become kind of fun some times-- sort of empowering, anyway.
I have noticed that when I’m worried I’m going to have a nightmare, it makes having one more likely. If you can, before you go to sleep, start thinking about how strong and powerful you are. Make up a story in your head about how you defeat your “monsters”, and keep adding to the narrative until you nod off. If you fall asleep while thinking along these lines, chances are that mind-set of being strong and fearless will carry over into your dreams.
There are medications that can help with trauma-related nightmares. If you have a good relationship with your doctor, ask her for a referral to a psychiatrist who has experience treating women who are dealing with the same kinds of issues as you are. If your doctor isn’t a good option, try a counselor or a friend, or a referral service.
Don’t give up, you don’t have to go through this.
No… but the bombing thing is kinda creepy for a five-year-old…
Read about the same technique used for a kid who kept having recrurring nightmares about sharks. Her dreams took place in a pool. So the psychiatrist got the kid thinking “hey, if it’s in a pool, well, real sharks can’t be found in pools. Those must be Dream Sharks. Dream Sharks are nice and friendly, and like people.” So she got excited when she dreamt that she was playing with the sharks, kind of like they were cute dolphins.
Depends how plausible the recurring dream is and how recognaizable it is. If it’s weird enough for you to say “hey… I remember this. It’s one of those pesky dreams again!” then you can lucid dream and either gently wake yourself up or modify the dream.
When I have nightmares, it can take awhile for me to figure out it’s a dream (I am a lucid dreamer). Usually there needs to be an element that makes me think “puh-lease, that just doesn’t happen in real life!” So I’ve had to suffer through some bad “anxiety dreams” that were close enough to reality that I didn’t realize I was dreaming.
The really scary ones clue me in and I just go “bah, dumb dream!” and change the scary bits.
Based on your explanation of this, especially when you say it’s more like memories than dreams, I would not recommend anything to “survive” the nightmares, but instead that you seek counseling for the original incident and what the stress and emotional turmoil from it is still doing to you. I’m nearly positive that you haven’t dealt with what happened, and the effects of the incident are still coming forth, occasionally bursting out in your dreams. IMO, these aren’t nightmares so much as they are cries for help from within yourself.
I was raped in college, and for a while was tormented by nightmares as well. I finally sought counseling, eventually moving on to group therapy with other women, as well as taking a self-defense and assertiveness training course. I also told my boyfriend what had happened previously, so that he would know what was wrong, and he didn’t see me as “used goods” or “broken” or anything. He’s my husband now, and I can say that though you never forget, what happened can lose its hold over you.
(I am not a psychologist; I was training as one for a while but am not in any way, shape, or form a professional. This is not professional or medical advice.)
Crimson Teardrop - I am a professional psychologist, though not a clinical one, I will say this. Please, for the strength and wholeness of your relationship with your b/f, if you feel comfortable, be as open as you can with him. And please do not do this on your own. Because you are not alone, there are compassionate counselors and therapists out there to help. You do not need to go into detail, but seeking out someone to help take this burden of your back will be the best thing you can do right now.
Simply talking to someone in private will aid you coming to grips with your past situation causing the nightmares. I would not suggest sleeping aides as they can be habit forming, and make it more difficult to wake if you need to. Good luck.
I must disagree. But first, I will admit that due to a long series of horrific experiences over a period of several years in my late teens and early 20s, I do have a strong bias against the psychiatric profession in general and the seemingly casual prescribing of narcotics in particular, so you can dismiss my opinion on that basis if you wish.
I will concede that in the case of a chronic mental/emotional disorder that is known to be the result of a chemical imbalance or other physiological injury or disruption, drugs can be very helpful, assuming that the side effects do not outweigh the benefits. But to suggest that someone who is otherwise healthy and happy start taking pills in order to cope with one traumatic event and its subsequent fallout is, in my opinion, not the best advice.
To say to someone, “You don’t have to go through this” is just wrong, or at least incomplete. She does have to go through it. Something bad happened and it has left her feeling frightened and upset. That’s a fact. Unless she can travel back in time and avoid the incident altogether or have that one memory miraculously wiped clean, she does have to deal with it, and masking it with drugs is not going to make it go away. It’s only going to push it aside or bury it, and it certainly isn’t going to eliminate the nightmares.
It’s in our nature to want to stop the pain, whether it be our own or that of someone else who is suffering, as quickly and easily as possible. We want to believe in the miracle drug or the quick fix. But sometimes bad things happen and we just have to cope the best we can with what we’ve been given. We have to go through it, make adjustments, face the demons, and hopefully come out the other side intact and possibly even stronger for the experience.
Long term- Therapy and healing. There’s no replacement for doing the healing that needs to be done. I’m speaking from not-quite-completed experiance.
Short term- Don’t try to force yourself to go back to sleep. Get up, take a warm shower, read some of a good book, relax a bit. Talk with your SO about whatever it is and allow him the opportunity to be loving and supportive. Personally, I found sleeping with someone, or even someone in the room, helped. I didn’t try low tv or radio noise but that might accomplish the same thing, a deep knowledge that you are not alone. That you are cared for. (I had some awesome friends who would trade off sitting with me until I fell asleep.)
Fear sucks. You are stronger than the fears though.
I’d like to second Medea’s Child’s advice. There seem to be different categories of nightmares. I suffer from one, where I have incredibly violent, gory, and distrubing dreams about once a month. (Alas, this is about the only time I remember my dreams at all.) But these are not a manifestation of my mind dealing with memories - at least I can’t recall ever being on a submarine that sank. :rolleyes: This sort of dream can be rather safely suppressed, from all I’ve read, and heard. I have a script for visterol (hydroxyzene) that I can take to put me out without dreams if I start having three or four nightmares a night. I’ve not used it for over two years now, but having the option of choosing a night without dreams helps me get through the few times I’ve had recently with more than one nghtmare a night. (I can’t say that this med will work for you, however. I was originally given it as an anxiety medication, and was knocked on my ass by it. I seem to be a little more susceptible to it than most. However as an anti-histamine, it’s a medicine that doctors aren’t too worried about prescribing, which is why I mention it.)
Another kind is where your mind is, alas, trying to process an incident from your life, perhaps to come to grips with something you’re refusing to deal with consciously. These seem to be a sign of something deeper, and really should be faced with counseling, not medication, nor ignoring it. Which isn’t likely what you wanted to hear, but it is the best view I can offer.
I don’t know if my technique is a legitimate path to lucid dreaming or not but it works for me so I’ll share it with you. My wife originally told me about it.
I used to have a lot of nightmares. My wife’s technique is to “reverse” them. As soon as I would wake up and find myself in that half-awake/half-dreaming state, I would make my mind replay the ending of the dream in reverse. When I had reversed the dream to an unscary part, I would make up a new ending for it. The sillier the ending the better. When I was done, the lingering feelings of horror that had previously accompanied my nightmares were gone. As I got better and better at this, I found that I could stop nightmares before they started.
Good luck and ditto the others’ counseling advice.
Exactly what I have done. It had helped alot believe me but it doesnt make the nightmares easier
First of all I would like to greatly thank all of you who have replied…your advice has been very helpful, from all of you. Thankyou.
Alot of you appear to use Lucid techniques…but…I have never tried it but I can’t see how you can control a dream…because I don’t realise I am dreaming, as I said, they are more like memories.
For a while now I had tried to ignore it, and the way I felt, in hope that it would go away…but it’s like…you can’t erase the past…so I have to confront it and deal with it. I have talked alot with my boyfriend and we have discussed every possible emotiont I have ever felt and it has helped a great deal. I have been able to express myself and get it all out of my system, so to speak…and we have discussed ways that may help to make me more confident. It’s getting easier but there is still the nightmares.
I agree that the dreams are a part of me getting out all the worry…and I feel that the nightmares will go when I have gotten over the event that happened.I’m getting round to it…slowly. time is the best healer apparently.
I will take all of your advice into consideration…thankyou very much everyone.Thankyou 
There has been a lot of good advice already given in this thread, but I will just add the little tips I have found that help me avoid nightmares. I tend to get a run of them for a week or so, and these techniques help lessen the intensity and wind up the run sooner.
Exercise during the day, but give yourself at least six hours between exercise and bed. I find I sleep better if I have showered, too. Make sure your sheets are fresh (no allergens) and try not to overcaffeinate in the mornings. Also, I find that beds should never be right next to windows or doors, and try to avoid being under things (wall-mounted shelves, etc.).
I, too, also employ the “The Bitch Is Back” technique when the dream is about something attacking me. If you’ve ever seen the television show Angel, there’s an episode called “Rm w/a Vu” where Cordelia
moves into a haunted apartment. The ghost messes her up both psychologically and physically, and is about to win when Cordelia realizes that she’s not “some whiny Cry-buffy” and pulls herself together and kicks some ass.