How should i handle this situation

I was IMing someone last night, and we were talking and he said his ex just came online. i asked if i could talk to her, he said ‘sure go ahead, just don’t mention me’ so i did. She is actually kinda interesting and i like talking to her but sooner or later she is going to ask how i got her IM handle. I don’t want to tell her the truth, so what should i say? i have tried looking hers up on yahoo member directory, but it isn’t even there.

So help me construct a good lie on this subject. If she asks how what should i say. Save your morality speeches too, they will fall on deaf ears.

Oh come on. This is not a morality speech, but a reality speech. Suppose you come up with a good lie, she falls for it, and as a result of your continued IMing you wind up great friends, or perhaps dating or married. Are you prepared to maintain this silly lie for the rest of your life? It can only bite you, sooner or later.

Tell the ex you’re going to defy his wishes, then defy them by telling the truth to the girl. Only when she asks, naturally.

we’re not going to end up dating or married. at best we may periodically IM each other.

I’m prepared to maintain this lie, yes. The breakup between the 2 of them wasn’t too good for either and i don’t want to restart things, they haven’t spoken since they broke up. And i promised the guy i would not mention him so i can’t defy his wishes.

Yes i dug my own grave, now help me weasel out of it.

Well, I disagree with dishonesty and I think constructing a lie is a foolish idea, why couldn’t you tell her something to the effect of “I got your IM from an old mutual friend, and I perfer not to say the person’s name”?

I mean, she might figure it out-but she’s probably going to figure it out anyway. At least this way, you have been honest and your friend can’t really hold it against you-because she figured it out.

Sometimes the best lie is the truth told vaguely. How did you get my IM handle? Through a mutual acquaintance. Who is it? I’d rather not say.

But maybe she’ll never ask.

So if a relationship isn’t going to be formed, what is the point in IMing?

To occasionally chat with someone interesting, that’s why.

That was a rather odd question…

Let me make sure I have this correctly. You were IMing with a friend. One of his friends (his ex) got on line, which he could see by his buddy list notifiication, and the friend mentioned that she had appeared on line. You asked if you could talk to her and he gave you her screen name. Then you IMed her directly and started chatting.

Didn’t she immediately ask how you got her IM? Especially if she’s not listed in the member directory? Does she know that you are friends with her ex or does she think you just IMed her out of the clear blue sky?

Nope, she didn’t ask at all. We talked for about 2 hours, it wasn’t bad. We have a few things in common so i’d like to keep talking to her.

She doesnt know i know her ex. I think the whole ‘mutual aquaintance’ idea might work, but we live about 2500 miles apart.

If her handle showed up on member directories i could just say i was looking for people with the same interests as me who were online. But it doesn’t.

Ok, here’s what ya do. When she asks, it should go a little somethin like this.

“Funny story, actually. A while back someone had in their profile ‘For a good time, IM (insert her handle here).’ (You obviously don’t remember who it was that had this profile). The first night I IM’d you, I was all set to be an idiot, but wussed out at the last second. Then, once we got to talking, I thought you were kinda cool, so I figured I didn’t need to divulge that little tidbit. Sorry.”

Then, if she finds out that you have ties to the ex, you’re covered. “Ohhhh, THAT’S where I saw it.”
And hopefully by then, it won’t matter much.

[puts on weasel cap]
Ok, so she’s not in any directories. You could try googling her username to see if it turns up anywhere, then try to parlay that into a “connection.” Otherwise, it seems like you should go with the mutual acquantaince idea.

Option C might be to IM any friends of friends who would have the ex’s username, and get it from them after the fact. How did you meet your friend whose ex you are chatting with? You could say “I got your username from a friend at” ______ (fill in the blank with the name of a university, high school, local NRA chapter, etc.) If pressed for the name of the friend, say “she asked me not to say ;-)” .

Be prepared to be nailed if your lies aren’t swallowed. Good luck.

That’s funny that she didn’t ask. I think it’s kind of strange that she wouldn’t. Are you sure she’s not listed in the member directory? If someone IMed me out of the blue, the first thing I’d do is ask where I knew them from. And if they said a “friend” gave them my nick but they wouldn’t say who that friend was, I’d perceive them to be some kind of weirdo and decline talking to them further.

But that’s just me. I don’t appreciate random strangers IMing me and then refusing to tell me how they happened upon me. If she hasn’t asked and doesn’t ask, then don’t worry about it.

If she does ever ask, I myself would tell the truth. Who cares if she and your friend had a bad breakup. Life goes on. Just say, “You know, it’s funny, I was talking to Bob [her ex] one day and he mentioned that you were on line and I asked kind of spur-of-the-moment if I could talk to you and was surprised when he said yes, so I IMed you. I know you guys broke up but I don’t know anything about that and it’s none of my business anyway and had nothing to do with why I messaged you.”

If you make up some long story, you’re surely going to mess it up one day and then you’ll really look like that weirdo-type I mentioned earlier.

Yes, it would look very suspicious to me as well if someone was evasive about how they found my chat name. I think missbunny’s approach is the way to go, personally.

P.S. In asking you to not mention his name, your friend has put you in the uncomfortable position of being forced to lie. And this particular lie is only going to make you look like the aforementioned weirdo. I don’t think that’s a nice or friend-like thing to do. If he was so concerned about his name being mentioned, he should have told you flat-out that he would prefer if you not IM his former girlfriend.

If she didn’t ask in those 2 hours, you should be in the clear. If not go with what llama said. If that doesn’t work type “brb” and immediately unplug your computer. Feel free to dive through closest window for additional effect.

good luck.

I don’t really mind if people view me as a weirdo over IM, no skin off my ass. Based on what her ex told me she is already pretty weird, so perhaps that is why she didn’t ask.

I guess i could just say i saw her profile and saw she was online. Her profile is up at the yahoo directory, it just doesn’t show up when you do a search. I probably should’ve clarified that.

I didn’t mean relationship = boyfriend/girlfriend. I meant realtionship as in a friendship. I guess I read to much into this