It sounds like the programs set up for the developmentally disabled are simular all over.
Yes, the supervisor really had a crappy attitude to treat me as if I was not entitled to any feelings (or worries, or concerns for myself) because I did not want to work with a violent person. I really would have quit over this issue, had it been pressed. It seemed obvious to me (at least from this supervisor) that she wasn’t thinking of my safety at all…she just wanted to place someone with this violent girl, by hook or by crook. So I figured - I have to look out for myself, my bosses obviously aren’t going to. Pretty sad, huh?
Yes, good staff members are hard to get, and to keep. (That seems to be the same all over too, huh?) Which is probably why I was not fired for abjectly refusing to work with this violent girl.
And yes, sometimes the prescribed “program” for a particular resident is so rigid, it does not give them the dignity they are entitled to as human beings. We had one guy who LOVED going to this day program, where they did various crafts and had various activities. He was in his 40s. Anyway, some of these activities were kind of child-like - but he LOVED doing them. A supervisor found out about the child-like activities he was participating in, and wanted him not to do them anymore. Because it was not “age appropriate” for a 40 year to do these things. It didn’t matter that he LOVED doing them, that it brightened and enhanced his life. Oh noooooo… The staff members that worked with this guy got flak from the supervisor, for letting him do these things that made him SO happy.
I helped run a training on the job program for people with disabilities and part of the program involved giving them recreational opprotunities that they would otherwise not get. I’m not talking earth-shaking events either, I mean going to the library, shopping for classroom supplies, eating at restaurants that were more elaborate than McDonalds. We felt that having jobs and doing the things that “normal” people did made them feel like they were a part of society like very one else. They may have a developmental or other disabiliyt, but they can tell when they aren’t doing what everyone else does. I saw some people practically glow when they realized that they were finally being allowed to do what their brothers and sisters do. Remember, if you approach someone as limited and only work against their limitations they will start to see themselves as limited too.
I guess I just feel very uncomfortable and awkward around MR. I hate feeling that way, but perhaps I’m just not used to them.
And I agree about mainstreaming-often, it’s done as a feel good thing, and not for benefitting the kids.
I remember our principal would talk about them like they were sooo angelic and soooo special. It was extremely patronizing. They’re not just here to be “special”. They’re here to be humans, just like us.
I am in agreement with Odieman, we do very similar things for a living and seem to see things in much the same way. It is amazing what can happen when you start treating these “limited people” like people and offering them the opportunities that we all take for granted.
The guys I work with amaze me everyday, if one takes the time to get to know them you soon discover many of their limitations are ones that we “normals” have put on them. I work with staff that tell me that so and so can’t do this or that… there is no greater joy in showing them that they can do this and that and a whole bunch more they never even thought of. So many people come to us with labels as being this or that, my first priority is to tear off the labels and find the person underneath.
A gentleman that I work with tells me that he wants to be a “good man” and a “normal guy” like me. I find it funny that I aspire to be more like him as he is one of the kindest and most caring people I have ever met. He always puts other people first and never fails to tell people how much he cares about them or how important they are to him. These are enviable qualities indeed. His is as pure a soul as I have ever seen.
A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun,
they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back. Every one of them. One girl with Down’s Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said: “This will make it better.” Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story.
Why?
Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.
What an eloquent post. It brought tears to my eyes. To me, that sort of thing is much more important than winning. Just out of curiosity, did they give them all medals?
I spent nearly 10 years working with MR patients, mostly those who are dual diagnosed (those with mental retardation and psychological problems). While I, too, have seen good things, I have also seen a lot of bad. I don’t think there is a single way to treat MR people. You treat them on an individual basis. Some can function in public with little to no supervision, some need to be in a locked, maximum security environment. I would have to put myself in the “rational” category, but with the understanding that a lot of the “limitations” of the MR can be overcome, or at least compensated for, with training.
I’m not buying this, Pyrrhonist. In your OP, you asked:
Obviously, you think there is a difference between “limited humans” and “humans with limitations”. At the very least, the term “limited humans”, by your words, means that the limitations are to be considered at the forefront, which is unnecessary and wrong-headed.
I interpret the difference to be that a “human with limitations” is a fully-formed human being with the inability to engage in certain activities, while a “limited human” is someone who is weak/lacking in some essential element of humanity. If there is no difference to your mind, I don’t know why you posed the question in the first place.
If my interpretation is incorrect, please explain.
As for your question re: adult diapers – if one of my guys had been incontinent, I would have insisted that he be allowed to wear adult diapers outside the house (inside the house, if one of the training goals was to develop continence, diapers would probably be a bad idea). Obviously, your wife’s relations diagree with me, but our motivation is the same – the dignity of the individual. I just see it as more embarassing to the MR/DD person to have the chance of losing control in public than to be seen wearing diapers. YMMV.
Spider Woman, Yosemitebabe, what are the morons who run these programs thinking? “Age-appropriate” is simply not a proper consideration.
When I was in college, I helped out with a boy scout troop for MR boys my frat had started a dozen years before. At the time I was involved, about half the troop was made of guys who had been with the troop since the beginning, and were in their mid to late 20s. No one even thought of suggesting that it inappropriate for them to continue with the troop.
I could go on for pages about the idiocies that finally drove me to quit. My personal favorite revolved around Mike [fictional name], one of my guys. Mike loved, of all things, for me to bounce his basketball off his forehead. This was a reward for him – when he did something well, like make his bed, etc., he’d often chase me around the house with the b-ball! 'Course, one time I made the mistake of letting my supervisor’s supervisor see me do this. I got written up. :rolleyes:
Actually, I heard of a 30-ish old woman with DD that had a nice collection of dolls that her parents bought for her. A whole room-full of dolls. They gave this girl such happiness, she’d look forward to each of her parents’ visit, because they’d bring her a new doll. And then some nit-wit paper pusher decided they were not “age appropriate”, and took them all away. Where, no one seems to know. Just poof! Gone. If I were the parents, I would have sued to get the dolls back - they paid for them! DAMMIT!
I heard this story second-hand, so perhaps some of the details are blurred, but I have every reason to believe the essentials are correct.
They took them AWAY?
What MORONS! Any idiot who took MY dolls away would be missing fucking limbs!
Personally, I wish I knew her-I’d order her the prettiest, most expensive doll from the Franklin Mint!
(Speaking of which, my next outfit for my Titanic Rose doll should be arriving soon…)
To me, that’s totally patronizing and treating the mentally retarded like subhuman. I hope the parents did indeed complain.
A lady I used to work with is 25. This is only physical age. Inside she is in many ways a little girl and as many little girls do, she loves Barney. Yes… I said Barney.
More than a few of my peers were aghast that she watched Barney and had a stuffed Barney she wanted to bring with her everywhere she went. It wasn’t age appropriate they said. I wasn’t against Barney (I bought him for her) but I agreed that he should stay home. They thought that he should be taken away from her if she insisted on taking him out but my solution was to simply tell her that Barney should stay at home to guard the house when we were gone because he was brave. She would sit him on the floor facing the door before we went out. When she was at home Barney was her constant companion and comfort when she was afraid. Like I said, Barney was brave as well as being purple and cuddly.
This lady had suffered horrendous abuse and devastating losses all through her life. Her reaction to many things was extremely violent and often based on fear. When her temper would get out of control we told her to go and give Barney a hug. This defused more dangerous situations than you would believe and it was so much better than having her injure herself or the staff.
Barney was and is still a constant and the lessons she has learned from watching a simple and sometimes annoying children’s show taught her things that no one had been able to. Like how to treat other people with kindness. That hugs aren’t always bad. You should have seen how many times I sang the “I love you” song when things got out of control… it always worked.
To this day I am one of the few men that can work with her such is her fear and distrust of the male gender. I was transferred out of her program under great protest from many people. It seemed that I had a way of dealing with her that few had and more importantly, I had and still have her trust. I still see her and phone her from time to time as I promised that I would always be her friend even though I was moving. It is a promise I intend to keep. Many other staff that have worked with her do the same so she knows that even if people go away it doesn’t mean that they stop caring.
I am proud of her and enjoy watching her grow in so many ways because I remember what things were like at the beginning, when many people basically wrote her off as someone who could never learn any more.
Barney? AIIIYYYYEEEEE!!! Somebody get this woman a Blues Clues tape, quick, before it’s too late!!!
I agree that the Developmentally Disabled, or whatever the current politically correct term is, should be involved in “normal” activities as much as possible. It enriches their lives, as well as the lives of family members who might otherwise have to find a “sitter” or be deprived of these activities themselves. I even think that, if at all possible, they should be employed. As long as they are capable of handling the situation.
I was at a Taco Bell a couple of years ago, at a bit past nine in the morning. I ordered, well, lunch. The obviously retarded woman at the counter said, “We don’t start serving lunch until ten.” I told her, " I was here at nine yesterday, and was served lunch, how come it’s different today?" “We don’t start serving lunch until ten” “But I was served lunch at nine yesterday. Why can’t I be served lunch today?” “We don’t start serving lunch until ten” This went on for several minutes.All she could do in response to my question as to why I could not be served lunch at the same time as I had been the previous day was repeat, parrotlike, the same phrase. She was unable to answer a very simple question. You would think that at some point a manager would come over and explain the siuation to me, and help this girl out. I was angry because I could not get the same service I had gotten the previous day, that I could not get an intelligent answer as to why, and that the manager had seen fit to put this woman in a position that was obviously beyond her capability. Someone in a customer service position should be able to answer questions and solve customer problems. Customers who are given poor, or in my case, inconsistent service can become irate, but more often than not, a simple explanation will smooth the ruffled feathers.
I think it was cruel to put this young woman in this postion without giving her some sort of training in how to deal with customer questions or problems. I doubt if I was the only angry customer this poor girl had to deal with that day, figure on mistakes in orders that weren’t keyed in properly, etc. I wouldn’t doubt that she left the job soon after because people were “mean” to her, when some manager thought it would be a good idea to put her in a position she wasn’t capable of handling.
quick question agosofia - Did ** you ** ask her to go get the manager? Frankly, that’s what I do whenever the person at the counter can’t handle my request, regardless of the reason (DD or not).
Feynn-that was so sweet!
BTW, if you’re still in contact with her, why not give her a little stuffed Barney keychain to take with her when she goes out?
Hell, I know that on days when I come home in a miserable, cranky, disheartened mood, I’ll put on my pjs, watch tv while hugging my huge stuffed teddy bear. It’s a creature comfort thing.
Manager- that would have been the person wearing the jacket and tie and the name tag that said manager who was watching the whole thing go on, and doing nothing… Remember, this was a fast food joint. There is nearly always a manager visible in one of these places. And very few of them care about the customer getting good service.
I’ve been in customer service jobs, and whenever there was a customer question or problem that I hadn’t been trained to deal with, I would immediately fetch one without the customer needing to ask. I think this should be doubly true of a DD person- managers should train them to get help from a supervisor if they’re in over their head.
I would just like to know how many of you would like to be referred to as as negative physical characteristic all the time? It fries me to see people with developmental disabilities called the retarded, morons, retarded people, etc. Do you get categorized by your intelligence level? Do you get referred to as the average, the below average, the subnormal, the bright, the gifted ALL THE TIME?
AND SUBHUMAN??? Hell, who decided that i.q. determined your degree of humanity? Frankly, Pyrrhonist, should be referred to as the subhuman for his obvious distain for people who happen to be different from him–at least when he’s not being referred to as one of the asshole subgroups.
then why didn’t you direct your question to that person?
yea, I’ve done customer service, I’ve also taught “customer service skills”. And yes, one of my standards is “offer to get the manager”.
BUT. IRL, most of the “customer service” folks I’ve dealt with day to day, don’t do this. period. Getting over and beyond did the person with a DD do so. Most of them (dd or not) did NOT. So, I ask. I’ve even been told “there is no supervisor”. And I go find one.
Do I think the ALL customer service folks should be taught to “get a manager” if there’s a dispute/angry customer. Yes. Do I think it’s always taught? No. Does it always happen? absolutely not. What do I do under those circumstances? Go to a manager. While discussing with the manager, I also make the recommondation that their employees be taught this.
But, until real life matches my ideal, I won’t wait for the customer service person (DD or not) to suggest or offer to get a manager, I won’t wait for the manager standing right there to offer to help, I’ll speak right up and ask for one, thank you.
So how is referring to them as developmentally disabled any different? It’s still negative. It’s still a characteristic.
One has to refer to them somehow, and “retarded” is the word I prefer. Despite the negative connotations it’s the most descriptive for the type of people discussed in this thread, and for my DS brother. Denotatively it means “slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development”.
“Developmentally disabled” could refer to anything; I know a 30+ year old woman who never reached puberty. She’d be DD too, although she has a fully developed intellect.
As an aside, I do loathe the use of “retard” when applied to anyone, but most especially when applied to stupid “normal” people.
Guinastasia: Some people don’t get over the feeling of discomfort, and it’s okay, since you realise that retarded people have rights too. I’ll never be comfortable around my brother’s retarded friend, who is much, much larger than I, and comes running at me to hug me. I’m always afraid that he’ll hurt me somehow (he also has CP, so his balance isn’t good).
Even with 25 years close experience with my brother and other DS people, I still wouldn’t be able to work directly with them (that is, besides my brother, over whom I had complete (hah!) control) for more than a few hours at a time. I don’t have the patience.
'Course, one time I made the mistake of letting my supervisor’s supervisor see me do this. I got written up. :rolleyes: