How soon did you know your SO was The One?

In My Humble Opinion
41

I think it would be interesting if you could revisit the people posting in this thread, say, 10 years from now and see how many of us still think the person we are talking about in this thread really is/was “The One”. :wink:
I’m a cynic at heart, and I definitely think those awesome infatuation chemicals make it very, very easy to fool yourself about this one being the one and this time being different than all the others. Most people don’t get married expecting to get divorced, after all.

But, yeah, I do think my current man may indeed be The One in a way that I never truly believed about any of the guys before him.

We were close friends for several years, and from my perspective it was completely platonic. I think there was a period where he would have liked to have started something romantic but I wasn’t ready to think of him in “That Way” at all and ran from it. I was still going through my “ignore the nice guy and pursue the obnoxious jerks” phase that most young women go through.
Then, I went through a very serious personal crisis and he was one of the only people who was there for me and expressed his concern/compassion. I guess that was a bit of an awakening. It drove home for me that he was the real deal - truly one of the most honorable, decent, and kind people I know. The jerks wouldn’t be there when times were tough - but I knew my dear, sweet friend would be.
I think that’s when I began to suspect he was “The One” but it took several more months to finally admit my feelings to him. Then it took a few more months of dating for us to be convinced it was really going to last. Now we’re starting to carefully talk about the possibility of a future together.

Another thing that makes me think he’s really The One is simply that he brings out the best in me. In a lot of my past attempts at relationships, I found myself frequently wrestling with being jealous, insecure, etc. But he never gives me any reason to doubt him - or to doubt myself when I’m with him. It just seems like a natural fit when we’re together - no need for drama or struggles; it just works all by itself.
I hope I still feel that way 10 years from now! :slight_smile:

42

I’ve been with my SO 16 years now and still think so. So can I be exempt?

43

I wonder what the exemption point is? Probably death with both spouses still believing in “the One” - or at least still being in love. Every so often you hear of someone who gets served divorce papers out of no where after 20+ years of marriage.

I think there are a few danger points along the way - anytime in the first few years, when kids are toddlers, when kids are teenagers, after a tragedy (an amazing percentage of marriages don’t make it through the death of a child, some people don’t manage to stick through sickness, or financial stress), when the kids leave - and you look at each other after 20 years and wonder what you are going to talk about for the rest of your life. Sometimes it just takes ONE STUPID THING. Like an ill thought out fling - or rather a “not thought out at all” fling. And yes, there are people who “never would.” And I don’t think either I or Brainiac4 ever would. But I’ve been wrong before, and I only get to control the actions of one of us.

44

Well, it’s already been quite a bit more than 10 years for us, and we both still feel that way. Good luck to you; hope it’s the same. :slight_smile:

45

He loves me in ways nobody else does or could ever hope to. I’ve dated guys who notice I’m silly and think it’s charming, who become infatuated even with the part of me that is weird. But he takes it further than this, he embraces this part of me and takes it on as a part of himself.

The first time I realized this, he was my best friend and I was IMing him and I was feeling very, very down.

He said, ‘‘I wish I were there right now. If so, I’d give you a great big hug.’’

Things were kind of starting to get unconsciously romantic between us so I replied, ‘‘If you did that, I’d melt into a little puddle on the floor.’’

His response took aeons, and he later told me he hesitated to respond because he knew what it would mean to me, to us. He said,

‘‘Then I would scoop you into a container and wait until you re-solidified and hug you all over again.’’

Today, almost exactly six years later, while we were driving home through Canada, he squeezed my knee and said, ‘‘Look at that giant creature walking through the field.’’ The tree was indeed a giant creature walking through the field, with one of its branches up like a leg about to step forward. He pointed this out to me because he knew it would bring me joy – but more than that, it brought him joy. I know that he sees the world differently because of me.

There is no other one.

46

Because she’s my sweetie! No others can qualify. 19 years together, last week.

Seriously… we went through some rough waters a couple-three years ago. I recall looking for an apartment at the time. We got through that after a lot of work, and, as far as I know, its all good right now. Until I find out different, and we’ll work through it again. As many times as it takes.

Being “tight” isn’t something that happens and then you’re done. It happens every damned day. Your relationship is strong, or it isn’t and needs work. More often the latter, and that’s a natural thing, and you work it as hard as you need to. As long as both parties are willing to do the hard work, it can usually be worked out. When one of you loses faith, that’s when things go south.

47

Jim and I had one of those wonderful first dates, too, where we were never nervous or searching desperately for something to say, which is funny, because we’re both quiet people, but we never run out of things to say to each other. Our next dates were just as comfortable, with us discovering that we were compatible in just about every way (he has a crazy idea that Kirk was the better captain, but other than that, we’re good).

I think what really solidified it for me, though, was when I was drifting in bed one night, and for some reason imagined that Jim was dead, and I was at his funeral - my grief was overwhelming. I don’t think that’s the usual way of realizing how much you love someone, but it worked for me. I think that was about three months - I don’t really remember. Six year wedding anniversary this August (eight years since we met last January).

ETA: Forgot to address the second part - I thought I was in love before, but it was just, “He’ll do.” It was nowhere near this kind of deep compatibility.

48

I always know in a minute or so whether I will ever like someone or not.
I’ve never known someone for awhile and then became interested. I guess it saves time.
As for my SO. I knew before we spoke. I’d seen him a few times and just knew. So much so I started using his last name for non important papers.
Took him a bit longer; after his psychic friend told him, you two will be together for certain.

49

Eight months ago my life changed dramatically.

I met him on a BDSM site. Very atypical. Within our first chat I knew he was the most unique man with whom I had ever chatted. Our first meeting was amazing. I had to resist the urge to hug him, although we kept finding ways to touch one another.

We actually talked in my car, long after the bookstore had closed. I suppose it was about four in the morning when we finally parted. I didn’t want the night to end.

I knew within one month of seeing him that I wanted him in my life on a permanent basis. I actually collared him. Which is to say that I took him as my submissive, lover and friend. It was the most natural thing I could have done. (And many of us on this thread talk about the sense of rightness that exists in these unions. It exists in ours, too.)

With him there is a sense of someone who knows me, all of me and accepts it. I don’t pretend with him. I don’t deny who I am. He knows me so well, he can just about tell you what I am thinking. It is a deep, spiritual connection that transcends this world. I don’t want to speak for him, but we want to experience as much of the human condition together that we can.

He has inspired me to return to writing, painting and singing. He has helped me find the me that had been buried in past toxic relationships.

When you have someone in your life who stimulates you intellectually, accepts you unconditionally (inner freak and all), understands your spirituality, turns you on physically and complements you in nearly every way you can imagine, then count yourself blessed.

My life with him has been the most amazing thing. I love him now, today, forever and always. And yes, we are planning to get married.

Congratulations to all those on this thread. Your stories are inspiring and life-affirming.

50

That reminds me of one of my greatest ‘‘a-ha’’ moments with my husband, who was then just my buddy. We were in college, and I was trying to figure out how I felt about him. The part I could figure out was that he was indispensable to my life, but I wasn’t sure if that included romance.

I let myself daydream a bit, and thought of him there by my side through the remainder of college, just friends. I imagined us hanging out together and doing all sorts of fun shit and it seemed just perfect, completely platonic. Well, I thought, Maybe we are just meant to be friends.

Then I daydreamed a bit more, and imagined him meeting another girl. I saw them fall in love and get married, and though I always held a special place in his heart, I realized that I was no longer the most important woman in his life. My mild-mannered, easy-going self experienced the most profound pang of jealousy and loss I have ever felt in my life, and I stood there in my mind waving a metaphorical broken beer bottle at the woman and screaming hysterically that she better back the fuck off or I’d cut her. (I’m not a violent or jealous person, I’m just sort of trying to underscore the sense of desperation I felt in that moment.) I realized that life would inevitably pull us apart unless I committed to him.

And that’s pretty much how I figured out that I loved him in that way. A future without him was unfathomable.

So I see what you’re getting at.

51

OK, it’s been 10 years. Any posters in here want to fill us in with updates?

52

We met on 05/13/1977. I like to think I knew by 05/16, but it certainly was not later than 05/20.

Still married, since 1983.

53

Oh, crap I have got to read the whole thread now.:slight_smile:

54

A week until you knew is pretty quick. But met in '77 but didn’t tie the knot until '83? I think I have you beat.

We met in early December of 1979 and married in late January of 1980.

And no, she was not pregnant. We just knew. Whirlwind romance and such.

Still married after 38+ years.

55

I knew within a week. She took some wearing down.

56

My brother Ed once told me “:mad: I didn’t marry Judy because ‘it was about time’ or anything like that, I married her because half an hour after meeting her, I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with! :mad:” “Well, and because she said yes :D” “That too”.

That was in 2002; they’re still together 16 years and 2 kids later.

57

Yeah, I had to speed through to see what lies I told ten years ago.

Thankfully, I missed this back then.

I still love my RZ350.

58

Who were your killer elite back then?

59

Still undecided. But it’s only been 20 years so far. Will advise.

60

Just me, Baby.