Some pepper mills (decidedly NOT the capitalized ones) are, um, shaped, um, well, like a, um, you know, other thing that dispenses, um, stuff after the appropriate amount of grinding. Have you looked in your “toy” bin?
Not sure what you mean here.
…although my Pepper Mill is kinda shaped like a Coke bottle.
(The ad at the bottom of my page right now is for Pepper Mills. )
Capitalized ones?
I’m going to channel The Dope relationship advice for a solution…
Somebody is obviously being passive aggressive, I think you should get divorced and move to Alberta.
On the other hand, the other day after spending 2 hours looking for our tripod I found it stuffed ALL the way to the back of a shelf in our storage cupboard, wedged in the gap between wall and shelf in a dark corner.
Could yours have been pushed into a dark corner where you can’t see it?
It has obviously gone to ground.
Celtdog is a Kerry Blue Terrier; it wouldn’t stand a chance. . . 
Just making sure you know that I in no way meant a captialized Pepper Mill would bear any resemblance to any specific Chinese building, although lower case pepper mills certainly might.
Your pepper mills are behind the stove.
No idea how or why but the trend is clear.