I got divorced a year ago, and most things couldn’t be better.
For those who want an update: My ex and I haven’t had a fight since the divorce talks started. We had a quick , easy and cheap divorce; shared mediator, everything arranged in 6 weeks, total procedure cost of 1500 euro’s. Neither of us asked for, or pays the other money or alimony. No fights about stuff, on the contrary we both liked the fresh start and the chance to declutter the house. No fights about custody.
Ex and I are on friendly terms; we feel more like family then exes. It is almost shocking how little we miss each other; the worst of that was over in a month. We co-parent, each of us half the week, and kiddo has settled in nicely. Fortunately, I could afford to stay in the house ( it was mine), and ex bought a pleasant little house withing biking range of the kid’s school.
Ex got a new lady friend soon after the divorce. I took my sweet time dating for 11 months or so. And I got lucky, with a guy I already knew from a nerdy hobby we shared twenty years ago, and who had kept in contact via Facebook. All of the new partners have kids in the same age bracket.
And yes, money is tight, very tight, I had to work more, and most of the luxury is gone. But so is much of the stress and mutual annoyance. Overall our divorce has been a good thing for all concerned.
So… Now that I can contrast my child free weekends with the ones where I have my ten-year old son over, I find that I’m relapsing into old patterns around my son. I see three things I’m doing wrong:
[li]I still try to arrange much of his time for him, with activities. I fear that if I don’t, he just going to be glued to a screen. [/li]
[li]I also try to concentrate on stuff I want to do, only to have him barge in with nonsense trivia, as he is quite the chatterbox. I gently remind him to consider if his remark will be interesting to his audience, several times a day. [/li]
[li]I find I’m too impatient, to teach him to do chores around the house. I should do that, but it is just easier and quicker to do it myself, even if that makes me resent the kid just a little. We fall into old patterns too easily.[/li][/ul]
So: anyone have any insight on how to reset the relationship with my son so that I can be more relaxed around him?