1 lb butter, 1 lb flour, 1 lb sugar; heat.
How do you decide what to do for an upcoming weekend?
[QUOTE=Oredigger77]
1 lb butter, 1 lb flour, 1 lb sugar; heat.
How do you decide what to do for an upcoming weekend?
[/QUOTE]
Check movie schedule, call friends, make plans for dinner, enjoy.
How do you perform a circumcision on an angry gorilla?
Find interns. Threaten them. Monitor progress from outside gorilla enclosure.
How do you choose a really good apple?
First, avoid the one offered by the wicked stepmother.
How do you get onto the Dr. Phil show?
[QUOTE=twickster]
First, avoid the one offered by the wicked stepmother.
How do you get onto the Dr. Phil show?
[/QUOTE]
Accuse Dad’s new wife of poisoning your apples.
How do you fix the economy?
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey]
How do you fix the economy?
[/QUOTE]
Worry more about our problems and less about everyone else’s.
How do you make the perfect margarita?
3 oz of premium tequila, 5 oz of margarita mix. Dump the mix down the sink, enjoy.
How do you make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich?
Rye bread; pepper jack cheese.
How do you handle waking up an hour before the alarm goes off?
If it’s a problem, melatonin. If not, extra surfing time!
How do you get slugs to leave the basil alone, dammit?
[QUOTE=brujaja]
If it’s a problem, melatonin. If not, extra surfing time!
How do you get slugs to leave the basil alone, dammit?
[/QUOTE]
Buy the dried stuff in a jar. McCormick brand’s good.
What would it take to make Carrot Top funny?
A wooden baseball bat to the head repeatedly or drugs.
How do you stay awake through endless meetings with a limited supply of caffeine?
[QUOTE=Oredigger77]
How do you stay awake through endless meetings with a limited supply of caffeine?
[/QUOTE]
Stick yourself with a pin. Repeatedly.
How do you win at Scrabble?
[QUOTE=twickster]
How do you win at Scrabble?
[/QUOTE]
Learn words like qi, qat, and cwm…or cheat…
How do you cheat at Scrabble without getting caught?
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey]
How do you cheat at Scrabble without getting caught?
[/QUOTE]
Play online. Use tools found here to finesse an advantage.
How do you calm down a fussbudget?
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
How do you calm down a fussbudget?
[/QUOTE]
Benadryl
How do you deal with fundamentalist Christian warmongerers in the workplace?
Tell them you’ll pray for them.
How do you deal with a rainy day when you forgot your umbrella?
[QUOTE=twickster]
Tell them you’ll pray for them.
How do you deal with a rainy day when you forgot your umbrella?
[/QUOTE]
Put a plastic bag on your head.
How do you deal with a raging lunatic of a stalker?
Put a plastic bag over his head.
How do you deal with a metric buttload of plastic bags in the broom closet?
[QUOTE=twickster]
Put a plastic bag over his head.
How do you deal with a metric buttload of plastic bags in the broom closet?
[/QUOTE]
Attract more stalkers. In the rain.
How do you grow a giant pumpkin?
[QUOTE=Danalan]
How do you grow a giant pumpkin?
[/QUOTE]
From giant pumpkin seeds.
What do you say to a naked lady?