[QUOTE=HongKongFooey]
Yank it like a monkey in a Mango Tree BBC NEWS | Health | Masturbation 'cuts cancer risk'
How do you mend a broken heart?
[/QUOTE]
Chocolate, wild monkey sex, chocolate, booze, chocolate, superglue, chocolate, time.
How do you quit a book club?
[QUOTE=SmartAleq]
Chocolate, wild monkey sex, chocolate, booze, chocolate, superglue, chocolate, time.
How do you quit a book club?
[/QUOTE]
Booze, superglue and wild monkey sex at the next meeting.
How do you tell if an octopus is a boy octopus or a girl octopus?
[QUOTE=ultrafilter]
Booze, superglue and wild monkey sex at the next meeting.
How do you tell if an octopus is a boy octopus or a girl octopus?
[/QUOTE]
How many tentacles down pantsfront as he/she watches TV.
How do you tell a very young child a pet has died.
Died? Don’t you mean “has gone to the farm”?
How do you talk your way out of a speeding ticket?
“Hi,Officer. I just got back from Iraq. Good Day!”
How do you fly fish?
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting]
Check orientation
[/QUOTE]
(I was drinking coffee when I read this. You do not owe me a new monitor, but you do need to clean my glasses)
Add wings, propellers, engines, fuel.
How do you find the time?
[QUOTE=Little Plastic Ninja]
(I was drinking coffee when I read this. You do not owe me a new monitor, but you do need to clean my glasses)
Add wings, propellers, engines, fuel.
How do you find the time?
[/QUOTE]
Call up Morris Day, ask what they’re doing these days.
How do you miss the broad side of a barn?
:: proffers tissue (and thanks) ::
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting]
How do you miss the broad side of a barn?
[/QUOTE]
Look at the narrow side, aim carefully, and fire.
How do you bowl a perfect game?
Drink a beer, bowl a strike. Drink more beer; 300.
How do you convince your wife you were bowling and not at a bar?
[QUOTE=Asimovian]
How do you bowl a perfect game?
[/QUOTE]
Knock down all the pins, repeat twelve times, gloat
How do you get a cat out from a tree?
Never mind I like Oredigger77’s answer better 
[QUOTE=HongKongFooey]
How do you get a cat out from a tree?
[/QUOTE]
Don heavy gloves. Climb tree. Grab cat. Struggle. Fall. Ouch.
LEFTOVER UNANSWERED ANSWER FROM POST 109:
[QUOTE=Oredigger77]
How do you convince your wife you were bowling and not at a bar?
[/QUOTE]
Get powder on pants, spray shoes, brag about your score.
EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS ANSWER:
[QUOTE=twickster]
How do you make a French braid?
[/QUOTE]
Take hostages. Threaten to hurt them if he doesn’t braid.
How do you make a Doper only answer one question instead of three?
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
How do you make a Doper only answer one question instead of three?
[/QUOTE]
Be certain the question doesn’t involve Opal in any way.
What is 14 k of g in a f p d?
[QUOTE=Asimovian]
What is 14 k of g in a f p d?
[/QUOTE]
Perhaps fourteen kilograms of gravy in a fondue pot: delicious!
(that wasn’t actually a “how-to” question)
How do you dance with the devil under a full moon?
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
How do you dance with the devil under a full moon?
[/QUOTE]
Very carefully. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very carefully.
How do you remember whether you turned down the thermostat at night?
[QUOTE=twickster]
How do you remember whether you turned down the thermostat at night?
[/QUOTE]
Slip foot out of covers.
How do you make a cappachino?
[QUOTE=Danalan]
How do you make a cappachino?
[/QUOTE]
Make a caffé latte with less milk.
How do you convince Turkish soldiers not to look in the hidden compartment at the bottom of your camera case?
ETA: Hurry!
Distract them by joking about their funny hats.
Just as well, maybe, that you didn’t get this one very soon.
How do you make a perfect martini?
Pour vodka in martini glass add splash of vodka: martini.
How do you find a 25 year old girl to go to a Beach Boys concert?
Ask Eliot Spitzer for his little black book. Bring cash.
How do you clean a non-self-cleaning oven?
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
Ask Eliot Spitzer for his little black book. Bring cash.
How do you clean a non-self-cleaning oven?
[/QUOTE]
Take off, nuke from orbit, only way to be sure.
How do you install Windows Vista?