[QUOTE=brujaja]
How do you stop eating blackberry pie? (freezer died; had to make 3 pies!)
[/QUOTE]
Eat all three!
How do you find your keys in the snow when they fall out of your pocket while playing with the kids? 
Gather wood, cover play area, spray gasoline, light on fire.
How do you cook a steak?
[QUOTE=Oredigger77]
How do you cook a steak?
[/QUOTE]
Coat lightly with oil, season, sear, then roast until done.
How do you cook a lobster?
Get someone else to do it. They scream. Cringe! Eat.
How do you find smart guys who like to eat & make love?
Lay a trail of pizzas to your book-filled boudoir.
How does Tivo work?
[QUOTE=twickster]
How does Tivo work?
[/QUOTE]
Like this (alternately, magic).
How do you walk in a straight line with your eyes closed?
[QUOTE=ultrafilter]
Like this (alternately, magic).
[/QUOTE]
Bzzt! Illegal move. Translate (in ten words or less), pls.
ETA: Come to think of it, the question was illegal. I withdraw it.
Slowly, carefully, but not overthinking it: one step after another.
Do we need to get out the clue bat for you, now? 
:smack:
How do you throw a surprise party?
[QUOTE=twickster]
How do you throw a surprise party?
[/QUOTE]
plan, hide, wait, wait, wait…yell SURPRISE!!!
How do you refill a pez dispenser?
Hand double candy and dispenser to a five year old.
How do you accelerate hair loss from male-pattern baldness?
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki]
How do you accelerate hair loss from male-pattern baldness?
[/QUOTE]
Grab hair, pull hard. Repeat until satisfied.
How do you build a house?
[QUOTE=Silophant]
How do you build a house?
[/QUOTE]
Select location. Buy property. Draw pictures. Hire contractors. Write checks.
How do you teach a dog to go away and leave you alone on command?
Give command. Immediately throw steak far away. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
How do you entertain a 3-year-old girl on a very hot day?
(twickster: you think bruscetta will work? )
[QUOTE=brujaja]
How do you entertain a 3-year-old girl on a very hot day?
[/QUOTE]
Get swimsuits for you and girl. Turn on lawn sprinkler.
How do you cook someone’s goose?
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
How do you cook someone’s goose?
[/QUOTE]
Preheat oven, slit skin, season, add herbs, spices, roast
How do you improve the SDMB?
My honest opinion: it’s so cool. What’s to improve?
How do you survive on a teeny, tiny income?
Follow a budget, cook from raw materials, abstain, thrift shop.
How do you cook merganser duck?
Steal duck from merganser’s farm, season, baste,roast.
How do you prepare for Batman?
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
How do you prepare for Batman?
[/QUOTE]
Dig escape tunnel from Arkham. Hire henchmen. Execute elaborate crime.
How do I give a psychotic dog a bath?