How to change someone's mind?

OK, this thread may well sink like a stone, or be moved to MPSIMS or anywhere. OK either way. But I have to ask.

In the pit, there’s a thread about a group of gay Christians who were expecting a group of anti-gay Christians to come and protest/witness/possibly harrass. They debated confronting them, but in the end, they made them cofee and breakfast.

Also in the pit, there was a thread in respone to an ncredibly lame joke, where there was much confrontation. It kinda turned into a pile-on.

My question is simply which is the best road to take if we really want to change someone’s mind? Do we confront or do we offer them breakfast? And do we need to do this as a group or can anything be accomplished individually?

IMO, offering them breakfast (or at least patience and understanding) seems like the best way. My reason? Only that I know my own habits and that when I am confronted, I automatically go on the defensive even if I may be wrong. I am likely to dig in my heels and stand my ground and possibly even use the confrontation as evidence (weak evidence, admittedly) of the rightness of my position.

I suspect others may be the same way.

But I do respond differently to reason, especially if offered in a friendly (I don’t want to use the term ‘loving’ here) manner.

Now I don’t know if any of the anti-gay Christians began to re-examine their views. I like to think that a couple of them did. And I don’t know if the poster who made the lame joke now realizes why it’s a lame joke and what it actually implies. Somehow, I don’t think so, although I could be wrong.

So, what do you think is the best approach to take, if changing someone’s mind is actually what you want to do? Do you think it more likely to see the light if confronted, and possibly mocked?

Or am I just a simpleton for pondering what is obvious to everyone but me? (Sadly, it wouldn’t be the first time)

The fastest method of changing someone’s mind involves a hacksaw and a large ice cream scooper.

But for a more subtle and legal approach I usually rely on patient logic. Some folks will never change their mind on a subject and some folks are immune to logic. But occasionally I find that I can slowly change someone else’s mind on a subject. Few will ever admit to such a change in the middle of a discussion but they might bring it up later after a bit of reflection.

One interesting thing to keep in mind is how willing you are to change your own views. I don’t see myself ever coming to agree with the “anti-gay” Christian point of view so to them I must just as stubborn as they are to me.

I think you are right, the only way to change someone’s mind about something is in calm and reasoned dialogue. I think in order to have any reasonable chance of changing someones viewpoint you must first listen to their opinion on the subject and the reasoning for it. Only then can you address the points that shape the persons views and point out any faulty logic that might lie behind someones beliefs.

This works both ways however, I don’t think that you can truely convert someone to a paticular point of reason without at least opening yourself to the possibility that they might be right and you may be wrong. Of course many people may be unwilling to change their point of view however persuasive an argument you make, some people are simply unwilling to listen to anything that challenges their cherished beliefs while others would refuse to enter into any discourse in the first place. I don’t believe that you can achieve anything in an angry confrontation however other than perhaps vent some of your frustrations :slight_smile:

From where I stand, changing other people’s minds in not what it’s all about. Learning whether my own mind has well-formed ideas is the important thing. If others can learn from me, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine, too. I hope to learn important stuff from others by reading, talking, listening and otherwise paying attention. But trying to persuade others that my views are worth their attention is not what I’m about.

Changing people’s minds is an overrated activity, IMO.