I have a YouTube channel that is growing in popularity; the overwhelming majority of comments and feedback I get in the comments and other channels, is positive and lovely, and I am grateful for it.
There is a very small amount of hate and trolling, and although that is sometimes a problem, I think I have figured out how to deal with it (ask myself: “do I really want to engage in this conversation?”, and act accordingly)
There is, however, a problem that I have yet to fully resolve, and which I am thinking I might call ‘neurosis by proxy’ - and that problem is caused by the cumulative effect of often quite small concerns, voiced by many different individuals.
For the most part, the individuals are probably well-meaning (so not concern trolls - they are dealt with by the previous paragraphs) - just people expressing whatever worry happens to pop into their mind, or is perhaps their own individual hobby-horse.
For example, in the past couple of weeks, there has been:
- You use a lot of tinned food. Aren’t you worried about BPA in the plastic lining of the cans?
- Did you really need to use a plastic bag for that purpose?
- Your knife is too dull - you will hurt yourself
- Your knife is really sharp and I don’t think you are being sufficiently careful with it
- You’re eating way too much salt
- You’re not using enough salt
- That food you ate, or mentioned, is really bad for you (dozens of this type of comment)
- That food you ate, or mentioned, is damaging to the environment
- The person you credited or mentioned in some context has some horrible views
- The shop where you bought something does not treat its employees well
- You didn’t wash those vegetables sufficiently
- I noticed some detail in your skin/nails/eyes/elsewhere that indicates you may have this specific disease
…and so on (really, that was just a small sample). None of these concerns is necessarily bad or stupid or invalid, but if you met a person who had all of those concerns (and many more) passing through their conscious mind in the space of a week or two, of their own accord, you might start to think that person was neurotic.
Except, I sort of do have those concerns passing through my conscious mind, as they variously arrive in the form of video comments, emails, DMs on other social media and so on.
It might seem like the obvious answer is ‘just ignore them’, but that’s easier said than done. I don’t dwell on any particular one of these concerns, but each one does a tiny bit of damage to my calm - in the same way as it certainly would if these concerns were my own - that is, just things that popped directly into my own mind, only to be dismissed - it’s not that I worry about the things people tell me I should worry about - it’s just that by the time I resolve not to worry about the suggested worry-point, the suggestion has already worn me a little, because I have seen it - I have read and comprehended the concern - it already found a way into my mind.
This wouldn’t be a problem if the volume of the problem was normal, but it’s not - I am continually prompted to worry about the cumulative concerns of thousands of different people.
The answer definitely isn’t ‘try to stop it happening’ - because not only is that impossble (it’s a different person each time), but attempting to stop it happening would mean paying even more attention to the suggested topics of concern - I would literally break myself trying to achieve the impossible. Also, arguing with any individual on the topic of their particular favourite concern, never goes all that well - to them, it’s just one little thing I should think about - it does not occur to them that it’s one of a thousand such things.
One answer might be ‘just stop looking in those places where this happens’ - that is, don’t read any video comments at all; don’t accept DMs, don’t open emails from strangers. This is what a lot of other YouTubers have already done way before they got to where I currently am.
It would probably work, but it would leave me much poorer, because the vast majority of the commentary and communication is lovely, uplifting, inspiring or helpful, and I would not want to miss out on it.
I suspect the answer might be something along the lines of ‘try to accept that it happens, and isolate or insulate your thoughts’ - but if this is the answer, the how of it is not fully within my grasp yet, so how do I do that, in practical terms?
Or is the answer something else? Just suck it up and stop complaining? Maybe - I do love the job and maybe every job has a downside, and this is just that, here.
What are your thoughts? What can or should I do? (I am going to try to resist answering ‘yes but not that’, so please tell me what you really think).