I have always sought a way to empower myself, emotionally, mentally, physically. I have tried to get knowledge, with the fear of being ignorant. But I have realized they all require THE ABILITY to get them. I lack of it, lack the ability. It does not matter how hard I tried to be a socially adept person. Or it does not matter how hard I tried to be physically powerful. I have had weak genes. They hold me back. I have been virgin and single because I am physically unattractive and socially awkward. Moreover I tried to get a good college degree. But it also required the ability to be good at math and physic. I ended up being a literature teacher, which everyone mocks because it is easy to get that degree. And you absolutely get no respect from other teachers or students. It hurts so much when you first understand it but as time goes by you feel it gradually less.
People say “Move your arse and work out to become a more powerful person in every respect.” Yes it is true but they don’t mention that you can become powerful as much as your genes let you.
I have been told the most important thing is “accept yourself as you are”. But you feel sadness every time you see someone who is stronger than you. Or the other possibility is I have not managed to “accept myself as I am”
I think there are some individuals who feel like me. Don’t respond this thread ONLY for the sake of me. When you give an advice, you’ll have been of great assistance for them as well.
Dude. Seriously, if you just stop telling perfect strangers you’re a loser, you’ll do wonders for yourself. You’d be amazed how easy it is to come off as normal, even confident and attractive, if you just think of yourself that way, or fake thinking that way.
I mean, heck - I just took a woman I didn’t know out for dinner. Had a great time, and so did she. Now, I’m not particularly good-looking, I’m certainly not athletic, and I’ve always considered myself kind of socially awkward - but I’d bet you good money that the woman I went out with didn’t think of me as a loser at all. She saw a nice, well-dressed young professional willing to try new things (with new people) for the fun of it, with a sense of humor and decent taste in wine.
If I can pull that off, so can you. Get some decent clothes, read some books (anything! just have something to talk about!), go out and have adventures. Take some motorcycle lessons, try an open-mic comedy night, go to a beer festival - it doesn’t matter what you do, just go do something other than sit in your apartment feeling sorry for yourself!
As to your weak genes - to borrow from William Golding, sucks to your weak genes! Unless you’re actually developmentally disabled, you’ve all the genetic resources you require to be other than a sad sack.
Sounds like you are the classic victim. Poor you and your weak genes. Give me a break. Until you get over being a victim and take responsibility for yourself, you will continue to be in your current position.
I guess you mean the problem lies therein, inside me. But If you look at things logically, some people should have low self-esteem as they have little worth or value. The only way to change that is to do or be something of worth or value. Then it all just comes down to perception of one’s self and what worth or value really means. You need to change how “value” means to you. You might manage to change it but other people impose their values on you, and then you are back to self-esteem again. Like a vicious circle.
Why do you care what other people think? Stop letting others manipulate your value. They are only imposing things on you because you let them. You will find you are much stronger than you think once you liberate yourself from the constructs of others.
Like He tells you, just fake it until you make it; and look into the Dunning-Kruger effect, maybe you are underestimating yourself, or it could be you are suffering from depression, and need meds.
Let me just address this, because your whole post screams of learned helplessness.
Your genes might prevent you from being an Olympic class bodybuilder, it’s true. Your genes will not prevent you from being in the best shape that you personally can be. If you exercise at all, you will improve what you already have.
If you feel like you are absolutely the weakest weakling in the world, than any improvement is a big improvement, right? Forget about what everyone else can do and focus only on yourself, competing only with yourself. Say, today you can only lift 10 kilos. Work to lift 15. That’s an improvement you can measure – you will feel better about yourself when you see that improvement. Then keep going.
Don’t take the attitude that if you can’t be the absolute best compared to everyone else in the world, there’s no use in trying. Work to be better than what you already are – that is always within your ability.
Exercising more is a good place to start. What are you able to do right now? Think of that, and then think of ways to improve it.
Also, your comment about your English means that English is not your first language, correct? Well, you write like a native speaker – I wouldn’t have thought you weren’t one if you hadn’t mentioned it. That’s something to be proud of!
I’ve said it before that the truest path to self-esteem is not through external things, like learning a skill. But that can be a good start!
Here’s an exercise that you might find useful. Think about the most amazing person you can imagine. The perfect person, if you will. Think about how you’d treat that person. How much respect would you give them? How much would you honor them? How much would you love them? Make a commitment to treat yourself that way. Even during times when you’re not really feeling it, you can still commit to it, right?
Even worse, there are syndromes like mental depression, which make it just that much harder to work to obtain a better quality of life.
It might help to take a relative view. “I wept because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” Stephen Hawking keeps up under a burden far worse than anyone’s here.
It might help to take an incrementalist view. What can I do to make today better than yesterday, even if only by the tiniest amount. Pick up one piece of trash. Write one letter. Re-organize your sock drawer. Read one chapter of a good book. You don’t have to solve all your problems; just take a few small steps forward.
The alcoholic lives one day at a time, and knows there will be days of backsliding. The dieter loses a little weight on a good day…and also is subject to backsliding.
There are vicious circles involved. You might not be able to break them all in one day. But in one day, you can make one of them a little less vicious.
Don’t try to be perfect. Just try to be a little good.
I’ve sometimes wondered whether physical fitness is a thing I should bother attempting, and I’m curious if there is a “multiplying by zero” problem for some people. What if what you already have is literally nothing? Obviously not so much with weightlifting, since you could start with 10 grams if you really had to, but more discrete units of exercise like chin-ups, push-ups, etc. I’ve never been able to figure out how do even one push-up, and that seems like a much bigger obstacle than going from 10 to 15.
List all the ways that you are NOT weak and loser-ish. Is your health good? Are you a good-looking person? Do people say you’re kind? Do you have animals that tolerate you enough not to attack you? Do you have someone–including family members–who you could call if you ever found yourself in a bind? Do you own a car? A computer? Have a comfortable place? Do you have an interesting hobby or competency (like cooking)? Do you have friends? Do you ever get invited places? Do your students like you?
Think about all the people who don’t have these things and imagine how they must feel.
You have to redefine “loser” so that it doesn’t include you. And stop thinking about how other people see you. Most times, other people aren’t even thinking about you, and when they are, they aren’t thinking about you in a bad way. But even if they were, so what? Opinions are a dime a dozen.
I would also stop with the bad genes kvetching, especially in front of other people. Some people don’t have to imagine what kind of crappy genes they have. They had a genetic test done and know exactly what horror they are carrying around. Go talk to someone with Huntington’s Disease, for instance, and tell them all about your “weak” genes. I’m sure you’ll find oodles of sympathy there. If you must degrade yourself, pick on something that is controllable–like personality traits. Everyone has personality traits that are less than desirable. But only a few of us have genes that are so screwed up that they are worth complaining about it.
You sound as though you could benefit from group therapy. Find the most reputable training institute in your locale and go for it. You’ll get a reality check on how others view you and will no doubt be of help to others.
You’re keying in something lots of people can’t do instead of something 1000 x times easier to do, like walking. Go with something that’s within your abilities and then work your way up to the challenge. Picking something you don’t even know how to do sounds like a recipe for failure.
