Become strong & winner.
Anyone can get stronger and more fit. Some people may naturally have more muscle or be able to build it up easier, but anyone can get stronger. If you’re not sure where to start, get with a personal trainer. A personal trainer will work with you on whatever goals you have. He’ll know how to take you from where you are to where you want to go. Most gyms have personal trainers on staff or you can find independent ones who work on their own. If you really are lost about fitness matters, I strongly recommend something where you have personal supervision so you get a clear plan on what to do.
If you can’t even do one repetition of an exercise, you work up to it.
Here is one article about how to eventually do pullups when right now you can’t even do one.
So, you don’t start with the exercise you can’t do. You start with the exercises you can do and build from there.
Correct. Likewise with pushups - you start by standing up, and leaning against a wall and doing pushups in that position. When you can do ten or fifteen there, you move your hands down the wall, make it more challenging, and work to do fifteen there. Eventually, you do them on the floor off your knees. Then with just your hands and feet on the floor.
But physical exercise is excellent therapy for all kinds of depression/whatever. Because you are demonstrating to yourself that you are setting and achieving short-term goals towards improvement. The endorphins exercise releases help too.
You look better, feel better, sleep better, stand up straighter, and move more powerfully and confidently. It doesn’t take much - twenty minutes a day.
Do that, and stop putting yourself down.
Regards,
Shodan
Agree. I would take this further and suggest you start with something that you don’t even consider “exercise”. If you can walk, start with going around the block. The next day, add another block. If that is too easy, walk a half mile, then gradually work your way up to a mile, and add from there. Just be comitted, and be consistent, and you will start feeling like you can take on other types of workouts. As the saying goes - The journey of 1,000 miles starts with one step.
I like this, but part of it doesn’t make sense to me. It seems that if you get down far enough on the wall, you’d just fall on your face. How far down can you safely go?
- Go to a therapist.
Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They’ve had a bad experience or think that talking won’t solve anything. Here’s the thing- a good therapist is a good relationship. That person gets to know you (and vice-versa) and help you make connections you can’t see. They can also hold you accountable and check in on the steps you are taking to address issues in your life. Just go. If you don’t like the person after a few visits, go to someone else. Someone who understands you and will listen to you is a wonderful thing. Some therapists are more like life coaches, this may be more up your alley.
- Become very good at something you enjoy.
Yes, easier said than done. But doing something you enjoy will take your mind off of all of your insecurities. It will make you feel good about yourself and how you spend your time. If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.
3. Exercise. Start with something small (walk 45 minutes a day) and build up. You aren’t going to maintain anything unless it is something you enjoy and can build into your day. If you hate the gym, no problem. Just get out of your house and go.
4. Socialize with the right people. Again, easier said than done. You have kindred spirits out there-you just have to find them. People who are good friends will like you for YOU. Of course you have likeable and uniquely wonderful things about you, although maybe you feel like people can’t see or appreciate these things. All relationships take work and can be awkward. If possible, do activities or hobbies with others who have a common interest. Use the computer to facilitate activities/meetings but don’t use it as the primary way of actually socializing.
Forget the nonsense about becoming a “powerful person”. You can only address your life in small ways and make habits of these small changes and you will feel differently. You will not conquer all of your insecurities. You won’t wake up at the top of the world every morning. The point is to work towards feeling better, improving slowly and feeling a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. You will become better at accepting yourself IF you make actual changes in your life. But start small. And repeat.
…feel a sense of accomplish and pride, especially if it is something you can share with others.
If you want more of an immediate “experience” and have the time/money/energy to travel, go walk El Camino de Santiago. You will accomplish something very physical and the larger communal atmosphere of walking with other pilgrims (both religious and completely secular) is life-changing for many.
We all fake it until we make it.
Far enough down that you don’t fall on your face. Then you switch to doing them off your knees as I mentioned.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m just trying to figure out how far down that might be. 45 degrees seems like it might be the limit.
Well, if you’re falling, you know you’ve gone too far down. 
Building on what other folks have said about walking - the great thing about that is, if you live in a city, it needn’t feel like “exercise” at all. Instead of taking the Metro stop nearest to you, use one farther away. Instead of taking the bus a mile to your friend’s house, consider walking there when you have the time. You’d be surprised how little extra time it takes, actually - between the fact that you’re walking directly to your destination (rather than to/from metro stops), and the fact you’re not waiting for a train/bus, you can easily add a lot of walking to your day without adding much travel time at all. Plus, I’ve always found the best way to really appreciate one’s city is on foot - you get a much better sense of where things are, and you find places you’d otherwise miss.
Unless I’m in a hurry or it’s raining, I generally try to walk distances less than a couple miles. (Forty minutes walk at a casual pace).
Once you’re at an angle that seems precarious, move to a bench. Put your hands on the back of the bench at first and work your way to the sitting part. Once you can do 10 or 15 from the sitting part, I guarantee you’ll be able to do at least one from your knees.
This is all awesome advice. You do sound like you could use some therapy just to get to a place we’re you’re okay with yourself. I would also add that you might be able to find some supportive friends through your hobby. Also, don’t be afraid of doing things that you enjoy, but some people may find geeky or weird. Screw them. Do what you enjoy and spend time with people who support you. Don’t be so worried about what people think of you. Be happy in your own skin.
What does a winner look like, gvozd? What traits do they have? Tell us the whole list.
Ah, that sounds good.
Not that I’m going to try – I can do full pushups, just not very many.
Yes. I’d be very interested in hearing your list of traits that should be a prerequisite to self-esteem.
Does Stephen Hawking have those traits? Bill Gates is well known for being socially awkward- does he have them?
They are both insufferable egotists, so maybe that is the common trait of those with high self esteem.
gvozd and heathen earthling, watch this video.
This thread has inspired me to take up the 100 Pushup challenge. Right now I can only do 11 girl pushups (knees on the ground). See you in 7 weeks!
Although the exercise advice people have posted in this thread is completely accurate, I think it’s worth pointing out that push ups and pull ups have little to do with a healthy lifestyle and nothing to do with self worth.
Over a lifetime of health, fitness and wellbeing, doing regular moderate intensity exercise is much more important than vigorous workouts like heavy weight lifting or running or intense high impact sports.
Walk a few miles a day, swim, do yoga, play tennis. You won’t look like a greek god in your 20s and 30s but in your 50s, 60s and 70s you’ll get every benefit you would have had from heavy lifting and running marathons, except your knees will probably work better.