Many people have an aversion to seeing therapists. Why? They’ve had a bad experience or think that talking won’t solve anything. Here’s the thing- a good therapist is a good relationship. That person gets to know you (and vice-versa) and help you make connections you can’t see. They can also hold you accountable and check in on the steps you are taking to address issues in your life. Just go. If you don’t like the person after a few visits, go to someone else. Someone who understands you and will listen to you is a wonderful thing. Some therapists are more like life coaches, this may be more up your alley.
Become very good at something you enjoy.
Yes, easier said than done. But doing something you enjoy will take your mind off of all of your insecurities. It will make you feel good about yourself and how you spend your time. If you are creating something (building a table, writing a song) you will.
3. Exercise. Start with something small (walk 45 minutes a day) and build up. You aren’t going to maintain anything unless it is something you enjoy and can build into your day. If you hate the gym, no problem. Just get out of your house and go.
4. Socialize with the right people. Again, easier said than done. You have kindred spirits out there-you just have to find them. People who are good friends will like you for YOU. Of course you have likeable and uniquely wonderful things about you, although maybe you feel like people can’t see or appreciate these things. All relationships take work and can be awkward. If possible, do activities or hobbies with others who have a common interest. Use the computer to facilitate activities/meetings but don’t use it as the primary way of actually socializing.
Forget the nonsense about becoming a “powerful person”. You can only address your life in small ways and make habits of these small changes and you will feel differently. You will not conquer all of your insecurities. You won’t wake up at the top of the world every morning. The point is to work towards feeling better, improving slowly and feeling a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. You will become better at accepting yourself IF you make actual changes in your life. But start small. And repeat."
Great post. Only thing I might add would be to start setting some easily attainable goals for yourself both physically and socially. Once you reach those goals they create new easily attainable goals based off the old ones. This will create a ladder of improvement. To often we try to go from point A to Point D and are frustrated when we can’t get there. Using the ladder metaphor, you can’t just jump to the top of the ladder you need to climb the rungs to get to the top. Also Don’t be afraid to look down it’s important to recognize the improvements that you have made.
I don’t think that is the most common reason. Finding a good therapist among all the bad ones is frequently a frustrating, time-consuming, expensive chore than can take months and cost thousands of dollars, and still yield no positive results.
These words remind me of what my father used to always say to me: “Be a man! Stop feeling sorry for yourself you little bastard. And stop looking so unhappy or I’ll give something that will make you really unhappy.”
This book seems hilarious to me. I’m going to purchase it.
Gvozd, the best way to not be a loser is to not be afraid to lose. Sounds funny, but ‘losers’ tend to be the guys who are convinced that they will fail everything they try, and it’s better to not try at all than to try and fail. Unfortunately, there are enough assholes out there who reinforce that idea by mocking anyone who does try and fail something, as though you should never do anything at all until you’re great at it.
It’s impossible to be good at everything, but you can’t be good at ANYTHING until you start by being bad at it, THEN get good at it. If you think you’re not going to be good at something, DO IT ANYWAYS. GET good at it, as long as it takes. Every person who tells you they were great the first time without any help is LYING to you. Doesn’t matter what it is: Running, picking up girls, winning Trivia Night at the bar, whatever. Embrace being bad, don’t let it scare you. Every time you try, you succeed.
This might not help, but when I was going through bouts of self-esteem issues, I found it helpful to tell myself that in a hundred years, we’re all going to be fertilizer. Nobody is going to remember or care that you lost at badminton or got rejected by a girl or whatever.
Also, the best way to get self-confidence is to be successful. You can’t succeed if you don’t try! I always had a poor self image and worried about my physical appearance. Only after I got into a long-term relationship did I develop confidence in my appearance and personality.
How is being a literature teacher a bad thing? It may not be the most exciting subject in most people’s eyes, but still. Plenty of people don’t even have a college degree, and plenty of people that do have a degree don’t have a real career.
How’s about you stop judging yourself by other people’s standards?
I was a “weak loser” by anyone else’s standards, then I discovered that I could build websites for people and started doing that, all of a sudden I was a god[ess] among men! (and women)
I used to help out at an dog shelter thing (it was originally supposed to be a boarding kennel, but became overrun with abandoned and stray dogs), I had an affinity with the scared, nervous dogs, and helped rehabilitate them.
I bought myself a horse that had “issues” and cured him of them (well most of them), I could technically speaking set myself up in business helping people with problem dogs and horses.
I’m pretty good at taking photos, and could set myself up as a photographer.
There are a lot of things I’ve discovered that I can do, that don’t require physical strength, or a phd, or interacting with hundreds of people face-to-face.
I get by quite happily now, and don’t think of myself as weak or a loser.
