Inspired by the thread that has turned into berating the OP for being afraid of being pulled over.
When a cop attempts to stop you, he signals his intention to do so by turning on his lights and/or siren.
Most people’s first reaction is to turn on their right blinker and promptly pull over.
This is a mistake. A sign of weakness that arouses contempt in the cop heart.
Make the bastard chase you! He will follow.
And make sure you have an adequate supply of light bulbs, oranges, and soap.
GRAPEFRUIT.
Oranges are for women and homosexuals
Coppers love it when citizens show respect for their authority. When he asks for your registration, show him how quickly you can comply. Abruptly lean over, throw open the glove compartment, grab your registration or whatever else is handy, and turn and thrust it towards him. Done correctly, it looks like a military ritual. It is likely he was once in the military so he will go easy on you.
But he won’t know what to make of your blinker signal that says you’re about to turn right… This is to let him know you’re looking for a proper place to pull off and talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he is about to make 180 degree turn at speed… but you will be ready for it, braced for the G’s and the fast heel toe work.
Not compliant enough. While standing alongside the vehicle, keep glancing in the car to make sure that you know the layout of the vehicle. When you SUSPECT he is about to ask for your papers, wrench open the door and throw yourself inside while YELLING, FIRMLY and CLEARLY, “Just wait copper, I’ve got something here for you.”
Flattery is always good to:
Say, “Did you play high school football?” He will answer “Yes I did/No I did not”.
You say “I figured as much. My uncle says that all cops are just ex-high school jocks that didn’t have anywhere else to go after the glory days. I don’t think that at all, I think you guys are great.”
“I don’t know. Fly casual.”
And remember, don’t panic. If the officer asks you, “Do you know why I stopped you?” don’t assume the correct answer to give is “Because I killed all those prostitutes?”
No officer likes to see a dirty car, especially one with garbage in plastic bags laying all over the place. Be sure to throw any and all plastic bags out the window in the process of being pulled over.
Actually I did this many years ago. A cop pulled me over for having a broken tail ight. We were standing in the street talking about it.He asked if I had the registration papers. As I turned to get the papers I remembered the car was registered in my wife’s name. He then asked for my licence. As I turned to get it I recalled that it was in the glovebox of my car and turned and told him. He asked where I lived, which was just minutes down the road, and said he would follow me home to check my licence. As I was about to get in the car I remembered that I had loaned my car to a friend to go to Queensland on holidays. The continual corrections to my story had the cop very suspiscous. He followed me home, ensured that my keys fit the doors and luckily my housemates returned to verify my identity. Pretty funny in the end with no trouble arising.
Crap! I knew they were grapefruit!
Politely comply with the officer’s requests while quietly and repeatedly singing “I know something you don’t know” under your breath.
The Policemen’s Benevolent Fund is always in need of funds to help those less fortunate. Since the officer has already pulled you over, why not offer to contribute some cash? Just fold up a couple twenties and hand them to the officer along with your license. No need to say anything; he’ll know what the money’s for.
You want to convey to the officer that you’re an upstanding citizen who’s involved in community affairs and enjoys a good social life. So when he walks up to you tell him you know the mayor and the chief of police personally and they’re good friends of yours.
-Hunter S Thompson,
I new I recognized that op from somewhere.
Police Officers are impressed by a neat apperance. Get yourself a small hairdryer that plugs into your cars’ lighter socket. If you get pulled over make sure you use it while the officer is walking towards your car.
One made of black plastic will be easier of the Officer to see in silhouette.
This summer, I got pulled over for a busted tail-light one mile from home after an almost 3,000 mile round trip trip to Wisconsin. I was driving a borrowed car which was owned by a non-US citizen, and driving with a suspended license (sounds worse than it was, I’m not a criminal, really!) The officer actually didn’t seem too suspicious/concerned when I told him the story; he ticketed me for driving w/o a license and made my friend drive the rest of the way home.
Just shoot the fucker!
Cops are very much into the mucsical arts. They especially like one song called “Cop Killer” by Ice T. So if you happen to have that in your music collection, by all means, play it!
If at all possible, offer him a doughnut.