My roommate moved into the area from Alabama and told me this story, which ranks as number one in my mind of the worst possible things you could say to a police officer.
My friend Trey and others were driving through the state of Georgia. Most of the friends were Yanks, and a Canadian: northerners, in town for a get-together in the American South.
They are pulled over by a Georgia state trooper for speeding.
Trooper: “Boys, you’re about the fastest thing I’ve seen moving through this part of Georgia.”
Driver: “Except for maybe Sherman.”
Trey tells me this driver was ticketed for the maximum amount allowed.
Stuff like snatching the ticket out of the cop’s hand, snarling that you’re going to check it for mistakes, and then balling it up and throwing it on the floor next to the other tickets.
I was once a passenger on a nighttime bus going over Route 17 to Santa Cruz. The bus left San Jose late so the driver was speeding even though it was after dark and the route winds its way thorough a mountain.
I spent part of the trip wondering what would be the best place to sit if the bus flipped on its side. If you were on the other side you end up falling. If you were on the same side then the window would shatter right next to you. Quite a conundrum.
Finally the police pulled the bus over. We ended up sitting on the bus for well over an hour. The cops made him take and retake every sobriety test they could think of even though he was obviously not drunk. Why? When he had gotten out of the bus, the first thing he said to the cops was. “How does it feel to be glorified tax collectors?”
Officer: “Why did you run that light”
Me: “It’s 3 in the morning and my visibility is poor”
Officer: “You tellin’me you couldn’t see the light?”
Me: “No, I’m telling you I couldn’t see your patrol car at the intersection”
My car got towed because I had an alcohol content above the legal limit.
My sister came out to visit me once and she and her husband bought a piece of Indian pottery at the Acoma Pueblo. Later they were driving through Nebraska at a high rate of speed and got pulled over. The cop, noting that they were from New York, apparently decided they might be up to no good and asked to search the car. They allowed this and stood a little ways off as the cop checked the car. When he looked in the trunk he found the piece of pottery.
“Oh no!” my sister said, “He found our pot!”
Fortunately the officer didn’t hear her and they were allowed to go on with just a ticket. By now my brother-in-law has so many tickets I think he’s planning to make a mural out of them.
Upon getting pulled over on the Interstate by a State Police Ofc:
Trooper: “Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?”
Offender: “You probably want to sell me a ticket to the policeman’s ball.”
T: “Sir, troopers don’t have balls.”
O: smug smile
About twenty years ago my then girlfriend and I had been out to Happy Hour. We decided that I was happy enough that she should drive my car home. We got pulled over.
Cop (examining her license): Well, Ms. M, how fast were you going?
I was passengering in my bud’s hotrod when he got pulled over.
Police: “Can I see some ID?”
Bud: “Sure. Can I Play with your gun?”
Result: Handcuffs, search, numerous not quite kosher things found with hotrod car. Thank god he was insured and had a valid license. We could’ve spent the night in jail.
One of my friends said “why don’t you go out and catch some real criminals” - he ended up with a ticket where (I think) he might otherwise have got off with a warning.
You know, a year ago when I first heard about the idea of telling the cop “We’re not the droids you’re looking for…” and giving him a spooky hand gesture, I laughed my ass off… funniest thing I ever heard.
I later shared this with a friend who spends much more time online than I do. She gave me one of these :rolleyes: and explained that the rest of the world had heard, laughed at, then discarded that joke years ago.
My dad was CHP, and as a result, I got to hear some really interesting stuff when he came home and told stories. Some I remember:
“But you were going faster than I was!”
“Look, I’m already paying your salary.” (that one was guaranteed for a nice sized ticket)
“Do you KNOW who I am???”(ditto this one)
“Bet you $50 I can outrun you this time. C’mon, let’s do it again…” (That guy was not just drunk, his blood level was affecting his alcohol content)
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