How to Debate!

[pepperlandgirl]

Didn’t know where else to put this. I think everybody needs to learn this though!
Fromhttp://www.funkypages.com/hahaha.php?page=/index.php

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any
topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties.
Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win
arguments. Simply follow these rules:

                           Drink liquor

Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the
economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you’re drinking some
health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you’ll hang back, afraid to display your
ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large
martinis, you’ll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You’ll
be a WEALTH of information. You’ll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and
possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

                         Make things up

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and
you’ll be damned if you’re going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON’T say:
“I think Peruvians are underpaid.” Say instead: “The average Peruvian’s salary in 1981
dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836…07
before the mean gross poverty level.”

                   NOTE: Always make up exact figures

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say:
“This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission
published on May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say this in the same tone of voice you
would use to say, “You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom.”

  Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and
                             phrases.

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way

In terms of

Vis-a-vis

Per se

As it were

Qua

So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as “Q.E.D.”, “e.g.”, and “i.e.”
These are all short for “I speak Latin, and you don’t.”

Here’s how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, “Peruvians
would like to order appetizers more often, but they don’t have enough money.”

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, “Let me put it
this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to
order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it
were. Q.E.D.”

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

          Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents
when they make valid points. The best are:

You’re begging the question.

You’re being defensive.

Don’t compare apples to oranges.

What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks)
has the vaguest idea what “parameters” means.

Here’s how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…

Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.

You say: You’re begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians…

Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.

You say: You’re being defensive.

          Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are
spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, “That sounds suspiciously like
something Adolf Hitler might say,” or “You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.”

So that’s it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this
on people who generally carry weapons.

I thought I would post this because there are SOME people who argue like this…and it’s annoying!

[Parrot]

You for got answering a simple question with an evasion.

[xenophon41]

You for got answering a simple question with an evasion.

And what exactly do you mean by that, Parrot? Don’t you know that was Mussolini’s favorite statement? Hmmm?

[Wood_Thrush]

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as “Q.E.D.”, “e.g.”, and “i.e.”

Not only memorize the abbreviations, memorize what they stand for, and use those instead. If your opponent does not know what the words stand for — and there is good chance they won’t — they will either stop and ask you what they mean or just pretend they do. If they ask you, tell them what it means with a disgusted look on your face and shout, “Did you not know that?!” That will probably discourage them from questioning you further. Or they will just not ask you want it means. Then they will probably not challenge what you said because of the risk that you were right but they just couldn’t understand what you said because of that little phrase.

I’ll give you a head start here. The following abbreviations stand for:
[ul]
[li]Q.E.D. Quod erat demonstrandum (Which was to be demonstarted)[/li][li]Q.E.F. Quod erat faciendum (Which was to have been done)[/li][li]q.p. quantum placit (as much as you please)[/li][li]q.s. quantum sufficit (as much as suffices)[/li][li]e.g exempli gratia (for example)[/li][li]i.e. id est (that is)[/li][/ul]
Id est is particularly damaging, as most everyone knows how to use the abbreviation (i.e.) but don’t know what it stands for. Id est, in conversation, can alo sound psuedo-English (iddest).

[Demo]

Damn, that guy must have learned his technique in the Democritus Debate Academy! Especially the liquor part…

That was great pepperlandgirl! Thanks for the laugh.